


That's Why... I Love You

by cmmcgee_writer92



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Assassination, Canon Divergence, Commander Lexa, Execution, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Lexa Lives, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Language, Nightmares, Pain, Revenge, Torture, Violence, doctor mechanic, major character deaths
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-06-07 06:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 50,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6792139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmmcgee_writer92/pseuds/cmmcgee_writer92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa is only grazed by a bullet when she walks in on Titus attempting to kill Clarke. As a result of almost losing Clarke at the hand of her advisor, she decides that she's lost enough and that it's time to finally chose her feelings over her duties as Commander, but obstacles remain that prevent her from passing her position on as quickly as she'd like. At the Ark, Raven and Abby discover that they have feelings for each other and a budding romance blooms between them. Jaha continues to draw more people to the City of Light and Kane tasks Raven with figuring out how the ex-Chancellor's memory stealing devices work and how to destroy them and the A.I. along with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little fix it fic I've been working on. Starts around the end of episode 3.07. In case it's not obvious enough, I really don't give a crap what's cannon on the show at this point, in fact I honestly don't even feel at this point that it's really worth watching anymore (and no, I'm not just saying that because I'm still pissed about Lexa's death). Up until the last several episodes I was actually really enjoying the show and not just because of any one character, but I honestly feel like the show has pretty much just gone completely down hill and crossed a few lines that truly didn't need to and should not have been crossed.  
> Probably lots of fluff... probably mostly implied sex and not a whole lot of smut (I know... sorry).  
> Spoiler alert/ advanced warning for fans of Bellamy or Pike... you're not going to like chapter 3... like, at all.... sorry....  
> I'll try to post one chapter a week, though I may post more or less frequently.

Lexa paces back and forth in her room, the feeling of Clarke’s skin against her own still lingering and making her want more. She argues with herself internally. She wants Clarke to stay, but she knows the sky people need her and the Commander knows it won’t look good to the rest of skaikru if Clarke is still in Polis once the kill order goes into effect. But she wants Clarke to stay more than anything; she wants to run up to the girl’s room and beg her to stay in Polis where Lexa can have her company, even if it means Clark would have to betray her people. She paces a few more times before a thought occurs to her. If Clarke goes back to Arkadia it means she’ll have to deal with Pike, and Lexa already knows he’s a dangerous man. She can’t bear the thought of Clarke suffering at the hands of a man who takes pleasure in sending his cronies to commit genocide. The thought is enough to make Lexa settle on convincing Clarke to stay with her in Polis, where the Commander can keep her safe.

She knows Titus will be upset with her when he finds out. He’ll once again tell her that she’s letting her feelings cloud her judgment; that this is her weakness taking over again. Her advisor will insist that she fight against it and put her duties as Commander before her feelings for the sky girl. But Lexa no longer cares what Titus has to say and she’s beginning to believe that everything he’s told her about love being weakness is a lie, because she feels so much stronger when she’s with Clarke.

The Commander practically runs to Clarke’s room, hoping she hasn’t missed her. She slows briefly when she hears the sound of gun shots from inside the room, then quickly throws the door open, gripped with both anger and fear at what she might find. Something hits her arm, causing a stabbing pain. Lexa barely flinches, ignoring the pain in her arm as she takes in the scene before her: Titus holding a gun, Clarke ducking for cover across the room, and another boy in the middle of it all looking dumbfounded.

“What the hell is going on,” Lexa demands with eyes boring into Titus like freshly sharpened daggers. Her angry words draw their attention to her.

Titus slowly sets the gun on the ground, his eyes falling on the Commander’s bleeding arm. He swallows hard, fear and shock in his eyes. “Heda, I…”

“Shof op, Titus,” Lexa shouts, spitting his name through angrily clenched teeth. She doesn’t want to hear his side of the story, nor does she need to hear. It is clear to her exactly what has occurred as her eyes continue to wander over the room. It is clear to her that it was Titus’s intent to kill Clarke. A sharp pain shoots through her arm once more, making it so she can no longer ignore the burning and throbbing. She glances at the bloody wound and realizes that a stray bullet has grazed her arm.

Clarke rushes to Lexa’s side, eyes focused on the blood that drips from the Commander’s arm. Relief washes over her when she realizes the bullet only grazed the Commander. “Are you okay,” Lexa asks her, the expression on her face suddenly soft and full of concern. Clarke nods and frantically searches for something with which she can clean and wrap the wound.

Lexa looks back at Titus, her expression once again hard. “You will pay for this, Titus. The penalty for making an attempt on your Commander’s life is death. As if you’re attempt to kill Clarke isn’t reason enough to have you executed.” Her teeth are clenched and she struggles to keep from raising her voice again.

“Heda, please. I didn’t mean to harm you. I…”

Lexa raises a hand to silence her advisor. “I didn’t ask you to speak. What’s done is done and you will suffer the consequences for your actions.”

Titus bows his head in response, accepting the doomed fate that he has brought upon himself. He knows he has made a grave mistake.

Octavia stops outside Clarke’s room, Indra following close behind. The irritation on the girl’s face slowly fades as she takes in the scene before her. “Clarke, what’s going on,” Octavia asks as she watches her clean Lexa’s wound.

“Titus tried to kill me. One of the bullets hit Lexa,” Clarke says, angry and unable to resist the urge to briefly glare at the man who tried to kill her and could have killed the girl she is now certain she loves.

Indra pushes past Octavia, slipping into the room. She looks between Titus and her Commander. “Heda,” she says questioningly and her gaze falls briefly to the now bandaged wound. “He must be punished,” she says and Lexa nods in response, giving Indra the silent command to take Titus away until she is prepared to deal with him.

“We need to go, Clarke. We have to get back to Arkadia,” Octavia stresses. A small part of her feels bad for both Clarke and Lexa. But she knows that if they are going to make it back to Arkadia in time, then they need to leave now. She can see that Clarke doesn’t want to go, that she wants to stay. Even though Octavia feels for her, she still holds firm to the belief that Clarke will be a traitor if she chooses Lexa over her own people.

“You should go,” Clarke says looking at the ground. She can’t look at Octavia as she says it. She already knows how the girl feels about the idea of Clarke staying in Polis. _If you stay, then you’re not the person I thought you were,_ Octavia had told her only an hour or two earlier. That had been enough to convince her that she needed to return to Arkadia. But things have changed. Now she’s had the chance to feel Lexa so close to her, skin against skin, wrapped up in each other in their most vulnerable state. If she leaves, she doesn’t know when she’ll be able to return, when she’ll be able to see Lexa again. She can’t bear the thought of spending days, weeks, maybe longer away from the Commander, especially now that she has been injured by the same man who was supposed to protect her. Now, more than ever, she wants… needs to stay in Polis with Lexa. “I’m sorry, Octavia, but I’m staying. I have to stay,” she says hoping Octavia will understand.

Octavia nods, doing her best to keep her anger and disappointment from showing on her face. She thinks of Lincoln and wonders what she might do in the same situation with him. She knows she would want to stay with him just as much as Clarke wishes to stay with Lexa. Her gaze drops to the ground as she makes her way out of the room and she thinks maybe Clarke staying in Polis as an ambassador isn’t such a bad idea after all.

Murphy still stands in the middle of the room, confusion still spread across his face. “You should leave with Octavia,” Clarke says to him. It’s been a while since she’s seen him and she’s sure there is a lot to catch up on, but right now she has no interest in sitting around and hearing about his life since the last time they saw each other. “You both need to get back to Arkadia before dawn.”

“No,” Murphy says shaking his head. “There’s no way I’m going back there.”

“Well, you can’t stay here,” Clarke says irritation evident in her voice. All she wants right now is to be alone with Lexa again. She can’t stop thinking about what might have happened if the stray bullet had struck the Commander in a more lethal location, rather than simply grazing her arm.

“He can stay here,” Lexa chimes in. “But if he stays, he’ll stay as a prisoner.” The Commander stares at him, waiting for him to make his choice. She has a feeling he isn’t somebody who likes to be caged.

“No way,” he scoffs. “I’ll take my chances in the forest. There’s somebody I need to find anyway.” He doesn’t waste anymore time before leaving.

“If my people find him once the kill order goes into effect, they will kill him,” Lexa says turning to Clarke.

The sky girl shrugs her shoulders. Right now she doesn’t care what happens to him. She closes the door, glad to finally be alone with Lexa. “Are you okay,” she asks looking at the Commander’s bandaged arm. Lexa only nods in response, her gaze once again softening as she stares into Clarke’s eyes, seeing the want and need in them. Clarke is deep in thought, a question lingering in her mind, begging to be answered. “Before,” she says, “when I first came to your room, you said ‘that’s why I,’ but then you stopped and said, ‘that’s why you’re you.’” The sky girl hesitates for a second before continuing. “What were you going to say?” She hasn’t given it much thought until now, too distracted by the events that have taken place between then and now. But now it’s nagging at her and the more she thinks about it, the more she thinks she’s certain she knows what Lexa really wanted to say, but she needs to hear the Commander say it.

Lexa lets her gaze fall to the floor. She can hear Titus’s  voice in her head, _love is weakness._ The voice repeats the words over and over and she fights to silence it. She hates him now, the man who’d been almost like a father to her. She hates him for trying to kill the girl who ‘makes her weak,’ and she hates him for teaching her that what she feels for Clarke is weakness. She doesn’t feel weak. When she’s with Clarke, she feels strong and powerful. “Hodnes ste nou kwelnes,” she says in an almost whisper.

“What,” Clarke asks trying to make out Lexa’s nearly inaudible words.

“I love you, Clarke Kom Skaikru,” Lexa says looking back up at the girl, their eyes once again meeting.

A brief moment of silence passes between them before Clarke says anything. “I love you too,” she says with a smile before pulling the Commander close to her and kissing her softly.

 

*~*~*

 

Clarke wakes up, still wrapped up in Lexa. She notices that the only light in the room is coming from the soft glow of flickering candles set on nearly every flat surface in the room. She stifles a quiet laugh as her eyes jump from flame to flame. _Lexa and her candles,_ she thinks to herself as her gaze settles on the form beside her. The thin bed sheet is the only thing protecting the Commander’s bare skin from the eyes of anyone who might dare to barge into the room without consent. The sky girl lets her eyes run along the thin, strong body, taking it all in for the second time. The sight of the peacefully sleeping girl and the beauty that radiates off every inch of her nearly brings Clarke to tears and puts a smile on her face. For a moment, she is certain the smile will never fade.

Lexa’s eyes flutter open a few minutes later, meeting the gaze of an obviously elated Clarke. “You were watching me sleep,” the Commander says with a smile of her own. Clarke nods and moves closer to Lexa, snuggling into her and finding the warmth and comfort she seeks. Lexa places a gentle kiss on the sky girl’s forehead and then lets her gaze drift up to the ceiling, deep in thought. She can almost still feel the sensation of Clarke’s fingers running along her back, tracing the ascension tattoo. The girl had asked her about the missing circle. Thinking about it hurts and she swallows hard, still not certain she is ready to answer Clarke’s question. “It was Costia,” she says after several minutes of silence pass.

“What,” Clarke asks. She pulls away from Lexa just enough to look at the Commander’s face. The tears she sees forming in her eyes make her heart ache for Lexa.

“The eighth novitiate, it was Costia. The last circle is missing from my tattoo because I couldn’t kill her and she wouldn’t kill me.”

Now Clarke understands why Lexa didn’t want to talk about it earlier. It was too painful for her then and she can see it’s still painful for her now and seeing the pain on the Commander’s face makes Clarke sorry she asked in the first place. The last thing she ever wants to do is cause Lexa pain. “I’m sorry,” she whispers and snuggles back into Lexa again, hoping that being close to her will help ease the pain she knows Lexa still feels.

The Commander is still deep in thought, something bothering her, a theory she has that she desperately wants to believe couldn’t possibly be true. “I can’t help but wonder if Titus might have had a hand in her death.” It hurts to say it out loud and she cringes as the words fall out of her mouth.

Clarke pulls away once again, shocked by the Commander’s words. “What do you mean?”

“He knew I had feelings for her. He felt that her being here, her being alive was making me weak, distracting me from my duties; the same reason he tried to hurt you.” She pulls Clarke close to her as she speaks, the memory of Titus’s attempt to shoot and kill Clarke still haunting her. “I think he may have given her up to Azgeda.”

Clarke thinks about her own experiences with Titus, most notably his attempt to kill her just hours ago, injuring the girl he was supposed to protect in the process. Hate boils inside her and she runs her fingers over Lexa’s bandaged arm, thankful that she’d only been grazed by the bullet, though still shaken up over the risk of losing Lexa. She has already been hurt so many times in her short life, has had so many of the people she loved stolen away from her. She doesn’t think she would be able to bare it if she lost Lexa too. And yet, so long as Lexa is Commander, she knows the risk will always be there. Worrying about Lexa nearly every second is something she knows she’ll have to get use to. Once again, she snuggles back into Lexa, breathing in her scent and enjoying the warmth and feel of her soft skin. “I can’t lose you,” she says just loud enough for Lexa to hear.

The Commander responds by wrapping an arm around Clarke and pulling her as close as she possibly can. She lets out a quiet sigh as she listens to Clarke’s breaths that grow slow and rhythmic against her neck as the sky girl drifts back off to sleep. Lexa closes her own eyes, desperate for more sleep and wishing she could make a promise she knows there’s a chance she might not be able to keep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Heda- Commander  
> Shof of- Be quiet  
> Hodnes ste nou kwelnes- Love is not weakness


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm actually in the middle of working on chapter 8 right now and I'm super excited to share more of this with you guys so I decided to go ahead and post the next chapter rather than waiting a whole week. This chapter is a bit shorter than the first. Hope you enjoy.

Dawn is just beginning to break as Octavia and Indra reach Arkadia. Octavia lets out a deep sigh as they both dismount their horses. They stand outside the gate, eyeing the guards that watch them back, guns trained on Indra who scowls back at them. The last thing Octavia wants to do is go through that gate on her own, forced to tell the others that, as of now, a kill order is in effect against anyone bold enough to leave the camp and that Clarke has made the choice to stay behind with what many of them now consider the enemy. She was angry with Clarke at first, but the more she thinks about it, the more she understands the choices that Clarke has made, and the more she realizes that Pike is really the only one to blame for their current predicament. She turns to Indra and hesitantly pulls her into an embrace.

For once, Indra lets the tough barrier she so firmly holds up crumble for just a moment and she wraps her strong arms around Octavia. “Good luck,” she says as she gently pushes the girl away no more than a second or two later. “Mabi oso na hit choda op nodotaim,” she adds with a slight smile.

“May we meet again,” Octavia replies with a smile of her own before making her way through the open gate. Her plan is to speak with her brother first, try once again to talk some sense into him. Though she doubts he will be any more willing to listen to reason than he has been since Pike came along. But her plan is shot when Kane spots her and pulls her aside.

“What’s wrong,” he asks her searching her eyes, able to tell that whatever news she has isn’t good news.

Octavia sighs and looks around at the others milling about, some stopping to stare… or glare at her and Kane. “I need to talk to you and Abby, in private.” The feeling of eyes on her makes her uncomfortable and she eagerly follows Kane to the medical bay.

Abby knows something is up as soon as she sees Kane and Octavia. “Jackson, could you give us a minute, please,” she asks. Her assistant nods, smiling at Octavia and Kane as he leaves the room. “What’s going on,” the doctor asks once they are alone, eyes darting between the two of them.

“There’s a kill order in effect as of now,” Octavia explains. “Anybody who leaves the camp, so long as Pike is chancellor, will be killed.”

Kane and Abby look at each other briefly, shocked and concerned, before turning back to Octavia. “Where’s Clarke,” the doctor asks.

“She stayed in Polis with the Commander.” Octavia can tell Abby is worried about her daughter. “Lexa will be able to keep her safe there and it doesn’t hurt to have an ambassador there.” She is trying hard to keep her own anger and frustration at bay, still convinced that there must have been another way to come to a compromise, a way that wouldn’t put more of the sky people at risk. “It was this or war,” she adds to defend the Commander’s decision and convince herself that Lexa is only doing what she believes to be best for her own people.

Kane seems to be deep in thought and Abby is visually relieved knowing her daughter is safe. She feels a bit better knowing that her daughter is with somebody who will protect her. Somehow she knows that there must be more between Clark and Lexa than just that of an ambassador and Commander and a slight smile tugs at the corners of her mouth, glad that her daughter is still able to feel despite all she has been through.

“We’ve already tried talking to Pike,” Kane says focused on the situation at hand. “He’s too blinded by his emotions and too power hungry to realize that the grounders are no longer a threat to us and that it’s in our best interest if we align ourselves with them; accept our position as the thirteenth clan. He’s incapable of understanding that we stand to lose a lot more if we do things his way.”

“Then what do we do,” Octavia asks.

“We have to get rid of him and hope once he’s gone his followers will be more open to accepting that we’re better off if we become one with the grounders. With Pike gone, maybe your brother would be more willing to listen to reason and help us convince Pike’s followers that he was wrong.”

“You’re talking about assassinating the Chancellor,” Octavia says. As sick of death and killing as she is, she knows Kane is right, it has to be done. Pike has crawled into his little box and made it clear he has no intention of coming out. The only hope for getting through to him is Bellamy and Octavia has lost almost all faith in her brother. She wonders if getting rid of Pike will convince Bellamy to listen to reason, or if he truly is already too far gone, too brainwashed by Pike to realize how wrong they were, even with the chancellor gone. It makes her wonder what fate he might be forced to face if it’s true. The thought sends a shiver up her spine and makes her stomach turn. “Okay,” she says. “Who’s going to do it then?”

“It can’t be one of us. He knows we’re against him, so he’d probably see it coming.”

“I’ll do it,” a voice says and Raven steps out into the open. She has been quietly listening in on their conversation, lingering just outside the door. Abby looks at her with concern and Raven passes her a small smile in an attempt to put her at ease. “He hardly even knows I exist and he doesn’t know what side I’m on.”

The three of them stare at her for a minute before Kane finally nods. “Okay,” he says. “If you think you can do it then…”

“I know I can,” Raven says cutting him off.

“Let me try talking to Bellamy one more time,” Octavia says. She knows it will likely be a waste of time, but she feels like she has to try.

“Don’t say anything to him about the kill order. He’ll go right back to Pike with the information and we all know his response will be to run out there guns blazing, and that’s the last thing we need right now,” Kane says. “While you’re talking to your brother, Raven and I will come up with a plan and I’ll get Miller to help make sure no one leaves the camp.”

Octavia nods before leaving to search for her brother. She finds him in the cafeteria, with Pike of course. “I need to talk to you,” she says after briefly scowling at Pike.

“Not now, Octavia. I’m busy,” Bellamy says rolling his eyes and letting out an agitated sigh. He doesn’t even seem happy that his sister is back and it makes her sad and sick how much he has changed since Mount Weather and even more so since Pike.

“Busy doing what, planning your next slaughter,” Octavia shoots back and shakes her head in disgust. “You can finish discussing what village you’ll be raiding next later. I need to talk to you, now.”

“Fine,” Bellamy says giving in. He pushes himself up from the table and gives Pike an apologetic look before following his sister.  

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Mabi oso na hit choda op nodotaim- May we meet again


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I want to thank everybody who has given me kudos and positive comments on this work so far. I'm usually really self conscious when it comes to sharing my writing with others and I was super nervous about posting this but you guys are giving me encouragement and making me smile, so thank you :).
> 
> I also want to remind any fans of Bellamy that you're really likely not going to like this chapter, so you have a chance to turn back rather than continue reading if you wish.

_Lexa stands just inside the doorway, unnaturally dark blood pooling around the wound in her abdomen where the bullet hit. Drops of sticky black liquid drip to the ground, each drop making a nearly inaudible splat when it meets the floor. The Commander looks down at the wound, confusion written on her face, not feeling any pain until she notices the blood soaking her hands. Her eyes shift back up, meeting Clarke’s horrified gaze, her own green eyes filled with sorrow as realization hits and she slowly crumbles to the ground._

Clarke wakes with a start and sits up in her bed. Her breaths are shallow and rapid and nausea clutches at her stomach, bile burning her dry throat. Beads of sweat moisten her skin despite the coolness of the room. Relief finally washes over her when she feels Lexa’s arms wrap around her, pulling her into a warm and comforting embrace. “It was just a dream, Clarke. You’re okay,” the Commander says quietly in an attempt to further calm the sky girl. Clarke responds by nuzzling against Lexa, breaths becoming deeper and slower against the Commander’s neck. “Do you want to tell me about it,” Lexa asks once Clarke calms down.

The sky girl hesitates, feeling slightly pathetic. “Titus shot you,” she says after a few seconds of silence pass between them. She can feel the bandage on the Commander’s arm against her own skin and it sends a shiver down her spine. “He shot you and…,” she pauses, tears forming in her eyes as she thinks about the dream.

“Shh,” Lexa whispers, pushing the girl away slightly when she feels Clarke’s tears fall against her bare chest. She gently wipes away the tears that dare to roll down Clarke’s cheeks. “You don’t have to tell me anymore. I’m here Clarke; that’s all that matters.”

Clarke presses her lips against Lexa’s as her tears slowly dry, the feeling helping the memory of the dream to fade at least temporarily. Yes, Lexa was here now, but for how long? Clarke knows that so long as Lexa is Commander, there will always be some sort of threat to her life and the sky girl hates that it has to be that way.

A knock at the door pulls them apart and for the first time since being startled awake Clarke realizes that bright sunlight is filtering into the room. “Chit ste em,” she hears Lexa call to the intruder, irritation over the intrusion evident in her voice.

The door opens slowly and Indra enters the room, her gaze quickly falling to the floor after briefly catching a glimpse of Clarke and Lexa. “Heda, forgive my intrusion, but Titus awaits his fate.”

“Very well. I’ll deal with it shortly,” Lexa says clutching the bed sheet to her chest. Indra accepts the Commander’s answer with a simple nod and steps out of the room, pulling the door closed.

Lexa pulls Clarke back into her and kisses her once more before getting up to dress herself. “What will you do to him,” Clarke asks as she pulls her own clothes on.

“Death by a thousand cuts,” the Commander says with only the slightest hint of remorse. She has more hatred for him now than admiration.

 

*~*~*

 

Raven quickly makes her way to Pike’s office, anxious to get the job over with. She can feel the pistol hidden on her belt under her jacket. There are no guards outside the door like she was expecting and she lets out a sigh of relief before knocking on the door. A muffled voice sounds through, “come in.” Raven grips the butt of the gun as she slowly pushes the door open, drawing the weapon as soon as her eyes fall on the chancellor. It only takes Pike a second to realize what’s happening and he slowly raises his hands into the air. “It’s Raven, right,” he says. “I’m guessing Kane sent you.” He lets out a deep sigh. “Look, why don’t you put the gun down and maybe we can work something out.”

Foot steps sound in the hall as Bellamy rounds the corner. He stops when he sees the mechanic with the gun. “Raven,” he says half questioning and Raven looks over her shoulder just long enough for Pike to reach into his desk and grab a gun of his own before she turns back, applying increasing pressure to the trigger of her own gun. Bellamy breaks into a run, intent on stopping Raven and two shots ring out as he reaches her, knocking her aside.

Pike crumbles to the ground behind his desk, blood pooling on the floor beneath him. Bellamy stares at the body from outside the door, shock written on his face until a sharp pain tears through his abdomen. His hands shoot up to his stomach to cover the wound created by Pike’s bullet. He looks down and watches blood soak through his fingers before looking at Raven, confusion replacing the shock. “Why,” he asks quietly as he drops to his knees, crippled by the pain.

“I’m sorry,” Raven whispers, her eyes growing wet with tears. She drops the gun beside Bellamy before turning to walk away. She can hear the click of the empty gun as she quickly rounds the corner, doing her best to ignore the clattering of the gun and the dull thud of Bellamy’s body as they fall the short distance to the ground. Some small part of Raven wishes that there had been one more bullet in the gun to strike her from this cruel world they were now a part of.

Two guards run past her, toward Kane’s office, alerted by the gun fire. They pay no attention to Raven as she continues on toward medical to report back to Kane and Abby, her mind racing. Only Pike was supposed to die. She didn’t know Bellamy would inadvertently come running to the chancellor’s rescue. She feels responsible for his death, assuming he’s dead, and it hurts.

“Raven,” Abby says when she sees the mechanic. She can tell by the look on Raven’s face that something is wrong. “What is it? What happened?”

“Bellamy,” Raven says as the shock of what has transpired begins to hit. “He… he saw me and he tried to stop me. Pike had a gun and he tried to shoot me but Bellamy got in the way.”

Abby pulls Raven into her, hugging her tight as two guards rush into the room, one carrying Bellamy and the other carrying Pike. The guards set the bodies down on separate beds as the doctor moves to look over them. She presses two fingers to Bellamy’s neck and then Pike’s checking for a pulse she already knows she won’t find. She looks them both over, deducing that the Chancellor died from the single gunshot wound to his head and that Bellamy has succumbed to blood loss via the bullet hole in his abdomen. She does her best to look shocked when she turns to face the two guards. “What the hell happened?”

“It looks like they shot each other,” one of the guards says. “Is there anything you can do for either of them?”

“They’re both gone,” Abby says shaking her head. “We’ll need to let the others know and began making preparations to elect the next chancellor. But, I’d like to speak to Kane fist, so do your best to keep this quiet for now.”

Raven collapses back into Abby’s arms as soon as the guards are gone, fighting against the tears that threaten to fall. “He wasn’t supposed to be there. What… what are we going to tell Octavia?”

“I’ll tell her. You get some rest. Everything is going to be fine,” Abby says trying to reassure Raven. She pushes her away for a second, looking her over with concern before placing gentle lips against the mechanic’s forehead and then pulling her in for one more embrace before sending her off.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chit ste em- what is it?


	4. Chapter 4

Monty makes his way to Pike’s office, eager to know what their next move will be; eager to avenge Monroe. He stops when he notices the blood on the floor outside the small, empty office. He steps into the office slowly, his eyes falling on the blood peeking out from behind the metal desk. He takes a deep breath, trying not to panic and finds Octavia standing in the doorway when he looks away from the blood. “What are you doing here,” Monty asks her with resentment.

The sight of the blood on the floor outside the office makes Octavia’s stomach turn and she’s too focused on it to answer Monty’s question. She’d come to find out whether the job was done, determined to do it herself if it wasn’t. She looks past Monty, her eyes falling on the blood in Pike’s office before returning to the blood at her feet. She knows something went wrong and she takes a deep breath as she looks up at Monty, resisting the urge to run to medical, worried about Raven. “What happened?”

Monty shakes his head, his anger and resentment evident on his face. The longer he stands in the office staring at Octavia, the less he cares about the answer to her question. “Monroe is dead because of you,” he spits. “You warned them so they could set up a trap. You killed her.” Angry tears sting his eyes as he stares at the girl.

Octavia’s eyes grow wide in disbelief. “Monroe is dead because of Pike and his xenophobic blood lust and greed! I went to warn them so they would have time to leave; so they would be gone when you and my brother and the rest of your beloved Chancellor’s cronies got there to slaughter them! Monroe would still be alive if Pike hadn’t sent you to commit mass murder, again!” She shakes her head and turns to head for medical, too concerned about Raven and the outcome of the assassination attempt to deal with Monty’s misplaced anger.

She stops in her tracks when she reaches medical and finds two bodies covered by thin white sheets. Abby looks up from her paperwork when she hears the girl’s footsteps and prepares herself to break the bad news to Octavia. “Raven,” Octavia asks before the doctor has a chance to say anything.

“She’s fine,” Abby says. “Octavia, you should sit down.”

Fear grips the girl, tying her stomach in knots with invisible hands. “Just tell me what happened.”

There’s sorrow in Abby’s eyes and she takes a deep breath before explaining. “Raven succeeded. But Pike had a gun of his own. Your brother showed up and tried to stop Raven from assassinating Pike and he was hit by the round that Pike fired at Raven.”

Anger and pain strike Octavia and she shakes her head, convinced it can’t be true. “No, you’re lying,” she says as tears well in her eyes and slowly roll down her cheeks. She pulls the sheet from one of the bodies, finding Pike. She quickly moves on to the next, letting out a restrained sob when her eyes fall on Bellamy’s lifeless face.

Abby runs a hand over the top of her head, wishing there wasn’t more to tell the girl. “Octavia,” she says dreading what she has to say next. “The guards who found Pike and your brother, they think the two of them shot each other.”

Anger consumes Octavia as she looks up at the doctor. “You framed him,” she says trying not to yell.

“Not intentionally. Octavia we…” Abby is cut off by the sound of Kane’s footsteps and she’s relieved that he’s there to give her a little support.

“We did what needed to be done,” Kane says finishing the doctor’s sentence, looking at Octavia apologetically.

Octavia looks away from both of them and back at her brother. She places a gentle kiss on his lifeless cheek before pulling the sheet back over his head and storming out. Somewhere deep down she understands, but right now she needs a little time to just be angry.

“Well, it looks like that went well,” Kane says with a mix of sarcasm and sorrow.

“We can’t blame her for being upset,” Abby says and Kane bows his head in agreement.

 

*~*~*

 

One last grounder strikes Titus before stepping aside, leaving yet another bleeding cut on his already tattered body. All eyes fall on Clarke as she steps forward, clutching a knife in her sweaty hand, her own eyes flickering over each grounder watching her and waiting for her to make her mark. The metallic smell of blood filling the room makes her stomach turn as does the sight of the bleeding wounds that cover almost every inch of Titus’s body. She’s sick of killing, sick of death, but she knows it has to be done. Her eyes meet Titus’s and she is instantly reminded of how much she hates him. She hates him for hurting Lexa, for trying to break them apart, and for trying so hard to convince the Commander that her love for Clarke was a sign of weakness. Without a second thought she adds to the bleeding cuts.

Clarke steps aside and Lexa takes her place, prepared to deal the final blow. She looks into the eyes of her advisor, showing him no sign of sorrow, only anger and contempt. “Did you give Costia up to the Ice Nation,” She asks him. She has to know and this will be her last chance to hear the truth from his own lips.

Titus remains silent, his gaze falling to the ground as he fights back against the pain that wracks his body, killing him slowly. “Answer me en ron ai ridiyo op,” the Commander demands after a few seconds of silence.

“Yes,” he says finally, his voice shaking as the word comes out.

More anger flares in Lexa and her eyes burn into him. “Hodnes ste nou kwelnes,” she says trying to keep her voice level. “Hodnes ste stren.” The Commander plunges her sword into Titus’s abdomen, watching as his final breath slips from between his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> en ron ai ridiyo op- And speak true  
> Hodnes ste nou kwelnes- Love is not weakness  
> Hodnes ste stren- Love is strength


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa’s arms are around Clarke as soon as she shoots up in the Commander’s bed. “It’s okay, Clarke. I’m right here.” She pulls the sky girl into her, holding her close and placing gentle kisses on her forehead, cheeks, and lips.

This is the second time tonight that Clarke has woken up from a nightmare about losing the girl she loves. The first time she was in her own room. She’d insisted that she be alone, in desperate need of some time to process everything that has happened since Titus’s attempt to kill her, injuring the Commander in the process. Sure, the bullet only grazed her, but fear of what could have been still haunts Clarke, especially when she dares to close her eyes. She drifted off early, just before dusk and was startled awake a few hours later. Finding the space beside her empty hadn’t helped and she nearly cried out before she remembered that Lexa was in her own room, alive and well. Without a second thought she ran to the Commander’s room, finding the girl curled up on her bed reading by candle light. Lexa immediately cast the book aside when she saw Clarke and the fearful look in her blue eyes. After being tucked in beside Lexa and lathered in kisses, Clarke managed to drift back off to sleep.

Now she finds herself once again wrapped in Lexa’s arms as she fights back against yet another nightmare. “I’m sorry,” she whispers with tears in her eyes.

“No, shh. You have nothing to apologize for. It’s not your fault.” The Commander continues to cradle Clarke in her arms, desperately wishing for some other way to better ease the nightmares and Clarke’s fear. The fingers of one hand wander to the scar on the back of her neck. It’s the device inside her, the chip they stuck inside her when the past Commanders “chose her.” That’s what prevents her from being able to promise Clarke that everything will be fine, that the constant threat to Lexa’s life is over. And she’s beginning to hate it.

“Have you slept at all,” Clarke asks her after the sky girl has calmed down and notices the open book resting in Lexa’s lap. It’s the same book she was reading when Clarke came to her room earlier.

Lexa shakes her head. She has tried, but every time she drifts off the past commanders begin to speak to her and she is sick of hearing their voices. Her gaze falls on the book. She hasn’t really been reading it. Her mind is too distant to focus on the words printed on the yellowing pages. The implications of the thing in the back of her neck are beginning to bother her and now more than ever she wants it out. For the first time since her ascension, she wants to be free, not stuck ruling over people who may or may not be looking to stab her in the back, stuck making hard decisions she no longer wishes to make. Her position of power caused her to lose Costia, it cost her Gustus and now Titus and it almost cost her Clarke as well. She’s sick of having to cast her feelings aside to focus on her duty and the lives of the few she loves is no longer a price she is willing to pay. She lets out a deep sigh, prepared to make one last hard decision. She loves Clarke and she wants the sky girl more than any amount of power that anybody could ever offer her, and she’s willing to relinquish her role as Commander so she can have what she really wants.

“What’s wrong,” the sky girl asks. She can tell something is bothering Lexa and she wants to help.

Lexa takes a deep breath before she answers. “I love you, Clarke.”

“I know you do. I love you too.” Clarke smiles for the first time since waking up from the nightmare.

“But I can’t put you in a position where you have to worry about me all the time and where you’re in danger because of me.”

Fear grips Clarke, afraid of what the Commander will say next. She knows it has been ingrained in Lexa that love is weakness and that her duty as Commander always comes first. She knew there was a chance that Lexa would end up choosing her position over Clarke. Before now, she would have been willing to accept that, but now the last thing she wants is for Lexa to push her away when she knows they can find away to make things work. She can get used to constantly having to worry about the Commander and she’s willing to give Lexa whatever space she needs in order to adequately rule over her people. The only thing she isn’t willing to do is let Lexa go, again. “Lexa, please don’t…”

“No, Clarke. Listen to me. I can’t have both. I have to choose and now that I know how wrong Titus was; now that I know that love is strength, not weakness, I want you more than I want the power granted to me as Commander of the thirteen clans.”

Realization suddenly hits Clarke. Lexa isn’t going to give her up; she’s going to give up her position as Commander. “Lexa, you don’t have to…”

“Yes, I do,” Lexa says cutting Clarke off again. “This is what I want. I want you… I want us.” Lexa takes a deep breath, taking Clarke’s hand into her own. “And you don’t have to worry about your people. After Nia issued the challenge, before I fought Roan, I made all of the nightbloods swear to protect skaikru, to treat your people as our people. They know what is best for both your people and mine… what is best for our people.” She smiles as her green eyes meet the sky girl’s.

Clarke doesn’t protest. She knows everything will be fine, that whichever nightblood becomes the next Commander will do ask Lexa has asked them. She smiles until a thought occurs to her. “What about Ontari,” she asks remembering the girl and her loyalty to the Ice Queen. The Commander banished her for a reason, and she has no doubt that when she returns she will prove to be a ruthless force and that she will make it her goal to wipe out skaikru as Nia wished.

“She will return for the conclave. But I have no doubt that she will not win. Aden shows great promise. If the other nightbloods cannot defeat her, I have no doubt that he will.” Clarke accepts Lexa’s answer, knowing she can trust the Commander’s intuition. She rests her head on Lexa’s shoulder, fingers still entwined and enjoying this softer side of the strong woman she has come to know. If this is what Lexa wants then she can’t stop her and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t want the same. “Tomorrow I will call the clans together. Once the ambassadors from the other clans arrive, I will announce my relinquishing of my role as Commander,” Lexa says and wraps her arms around Clarke, kissing the girl’s forehead and then her lips.

   


	6. Chapter 6

A soft knock at the door to her room startles Octavia. “What,” she says bitterly expecting Abby or Kane, or maybe Raven to come through the door. Instead, Jaha slips into the room, closing the door behind him.

“I presume you already know about your brother,” he says eying Octavia with sorrow. She glares back at him silently, wondering whether he came simply to taunt her with the usual condolences or if he has something useful to offer. He holds a small black pouch in his hand and when he opens it he urges her to reach inside. She reluctantly reaches into the bag, pulling out a small chip with an infinity symbol printed on it in dark blue.

“What the hell is it,” she asks, not in the mood for games.

“It’s an ingestible device that takes away pain by interrupting the nociceptors in the brain.” Octavia gives him a funny look, confused by his fancy scientific words. “Pain receptors,” he clarifies. “It will also give you access to the City of Light.”

Octavia isn’t sure how to react to anything that Jaha is telling her. She considers asking him about his so called City of Light, but decides against it. She looks at the chip, apprehensive about putting some sort of mind altering device into her mouth, at least not before consulting with Abby first, whenever she is ready to face the doctor again. She makes a fist around it and looks back at Jaha. “Thanks,” she says. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone, please.” Irritation is evident in her voice.

Jaha’s eyes fall on her fist briefly then wander back up to meet her eyes before he nods and leaves the room. Octavia looks back at the chip once more, her eyes moist with the tears she refuses to let fall. She considers slipping the device between her lips, tempted by Jaha’s promise that it would take away her pain. Instead she angrily throws it across the room, watching as it hits the wall and then falls to the floor.

 

*~*~*

 

Raven sits on the edge of a bed, sadness in her eyes, as Abby does her best to be a doctor not only of the body but also the mind. “How’s the leg,” she asks.

The mechanic shrugs. “Fine I guess.”

Abby studies her face. She knows whatever pain Raven is feeling now is not the result of being shot, but rather guilt. “It’s not your fault. “

“I know. I just… can’t stop thinking that it should have been me. Pike meant to hit me.” Tears burn her eyes and she fights to hold them back as she looks up at Abby briefly and then lets her gaze fall back to the ground.

“No Raven, don’t… don’t say that. It shouldn’t have been you. Pike was a bad guy with too much power and he needed to be taken down. As for Bellamy,” the doctor pauses hesitant to continue. She doesn’t want to make Bellamy sound like a bad guy, not now that he can’t defend himself, now that he doesn’t have a chance to set himself straight after making a few bad decisions, decisions she knows he made only because he let his emotions get the better of him. “He made the choice to align himself with Pike and remain blind to the consequences of their decisions. He made the choice to try and rescue Pike, putting himself in the path of Pike’s bullet.”

Raven lets her gaze shift back up, eyes still glassy from tears that continue to fight against her attempt to hold them back. She meets Abby’s gaze and sees how much the woman cares. She parts her lips to say something, apologize maybe, but she remains silent still staring into Abby’s eyes wanting but unable to break the visual connection between the two of them. The doctor breaks the connection instead, putting a gentle hand on Raven’s knee before turning to move toward her desk, return to the pile of paperwork waiting for her. Raven hops off the bed and grabs Abby, pulling her back and forcing their eyes to meet again before she hesitantly kisses her. She pulls back after a few seconds, her gaze once more cast toward the ground. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“Don’t be,” Abby says placing a hand under Raven’s chin, lifting her head and down cast gaze, thumb gently massaging the mechanic’s warm cheek. She smiles gently, reassuringly.

 

*~*~*

 

Lincoln stands outside the door to Octavia’s room, hand balled into a loose fist, prepared to knock. He knows about Bellamy. Kane told him everything when he released Lincoln and the others and now he knows that Octavia must be grieving. Regardless of the decisions he made and the lives he participated in taking, he was still her brother and she deserves the chance to morn his loss.

“Go ahead,” a voice says pulling his attention away from the door. Kane comes to a stop beside the grounder and nods his head toward the room. “She needs you, Lincoln; especially now.”

The grounder nods and knocks gently on the door and cringes slightly when an irritated voice responds from the other side. “What now?”

“Octavia, it’s me,” he offers and waits again.

The door opens and Octavia stands in the frame. Her eyes are wet, the skin around them red and slightly swollen. After a few seconds she throws her arms around Lincoln and lets a single sob escape from between her lips. He pushes her away after returning the tight embrace and kisses her gently. “I’m sorry,” he says when they finally separate.

Octavia takes his hand and pulls him into the room, closing the door so they can have some privacy. She doesn’t want to hear the words ‘I’m sorry’ one more time, but she knows there isn’t much else anyone can say. And since it’s Lincoln, she lets it slide just this once. “How much did they tell you,” she asks him as they both sit on the edge of her bed.

“Everything,” he responds taking her hand again. “Kane told me about the assassination and how…” he stops for a moment, looking at his girlfriend with sorrow in his eyes, “and how Bellamy got caught in the middle of it.”

The girl nods as a few more tears slip down her cheeks. They are the last and, at least for now, she feels as if she has managed to cry herself dry. “They framed him,” she says after a few minutes and her voice shakes with anger as the words come out.

Lincoln wraps an arm around her, pulling her into him, and kisses the top of her head. He doesn’t know what to say, how to comfort her. He knows that they hadn’t planned to frame Bellamy. An opportunity presented itself and they took it. “When people realize that Pike was the bad guy, your brother will end up looking like a hero,” he says finally.

His words don’t do much for Octavia. She isn’t concerned about whether her brother looks like a hero or villain. She’s more upset that he never got the chance to redeem himself and she finds herself wishing she’d done more, fought harder to get him back on the right side. She pushes away from Lincoln and trails across the room to pick the chip Jaha gave her up from the floor. “What is it,” the grounder asks as the girl turns the device over in her hand, observing it again, still tempted by the promise that it will take all her pain away.

“Some sort of chip that’s supposed to block pain receptors or something when it’s ingested. Jaha gave it to me.” She keeps her focus on the chip as she speaks.

“Is it safe?”

Octavia shrugs as she sits back on the bed beside Lincoln. “He seems to think it is, but… I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should let Abby take a look at it first,” Lincoln suggests and Octavia nods. She knows she’ll have to face the doctor again eventually and she pushes herself off the bed once more with a sigh.

“Come with me,” she asks the grounder and he nods, taking her hand as they leave the room and head toward the medical bay.

 

*~*~*

 

Abby wanders out of a backroom, fixing her hair. Her eyes fall on Octavia and Lincoln standing in the middle of the room and the glow around her slowly fades, replaced with sorrow as she looks at the girl. Raven wanders out behind her. Her glow doesn’t fade quiet so easily, but the smile she’s wearing quickly slips away.

Octavia’s eyes dart between the two of them, questions she isn’t sure she wants the answers to filling her head. She ignores the questions, reminded of why she’s there by the feeling of the chip held in her sweaty hand. She reaches out, opening her hand to show the doctor the chip, anxious to hand it over so she can go back to her room… or back to Polis; the further away from Arkadia she can get, the better. “Jaha gave this to me earlier. He said if I ingested it, it would take my pain away.”

Abby takes the chip from Octavia, a mix of irritation and confusion on her face. For the first time, she notices that the black bag she took from Jaha is missing. “Damn it,” she mumbles to herself.

“What’s wrong,” Raven asks.

“The chips that Jaha was handing out, I took them so I could run some tests on them. At first it didn’t seem like the one you took was having any adverse affects. But when I talked to Jaha earlier, I asked him if he thought they were safe enough that he would be willing to have given one to Wells and he looked at me like he had no idea who I was talking about. I think those chips may be causing memory loss.” She lets out a deep sigh, “now the chips are gone. And since he’s apparently back to handing them out again, I can only conclude that Jaha must have stolen them back somehow.”

Raven’s mind wanders back to a few days ago. Jasper had apologized to her for losing Finn’s ashes and for a minute she didn’t have a clue who he was talking about or why she should care. She’d forgotten about him and at the time she’d thought nothing of it, but now… “Abby,” she says quietly and the doctor turns to her, concern in her eyes when she hears the fear in the mechanic’s voice. “I forgot Finn, the chip made me forget Finn.”

Abby steps toward Raven as her eyes grow wet and pulls her into a tight embrace. “It’s okay. We’ll figure this out and everything will be okay.” Her gaze wanders to Octavia and Lincoln, her eyes pleading for a little privacy and the two nod their heads in understanding. “Octavia,” she says causing the girl to stop in her tracks and turn on her heels. “I know it may be tempting, but I urge you not to take whatever this thing is if Jaha offers you another.” Octavia only nods and turns again to leave.   

 

 

                 


	7. Chapter 7

From the balcony of her room, Lexa watches as the sun rises. Today, she will call the clans together and by the day after next she’ll be announcing to them that she is stepping down. A deep sigh slips through her lips. Just a few more days and then she will be free. She looks over her shoulder when she hears Clarke stir on the bed and with tired eyes she watches as the sky girl changes positions for at least the dozenth time in only a few minutes and she knows Clarke is having another nightmare. Without a second thought she rushes to the girl’s side, sliding onto the bed beside Clarke and scooping the sky girl into her arms, whispering comforting words into her ear as she slowly starts to wake up from the dream haunting her. “I’m here, Clarke. It’s okay; I’m here.”

Clarke pulls away from Lexa just enough to get a good look at Lexa’s face, see that she truly is right beside her. She lets out a deep breath as tears form in her eyes, not out of fear but out of sorrow and guilt. “I’m sorry,” she whispers and desperately wipes at the tears. She feels pathetic and like her persistent nightmares have made her a burden.

“You don’t have to apologize, Clarke. It’s okay. I understand.” She longingly pulls the sky girl back into her, kisses her forehead and then her lips and holds her close.

“How long have you been up,” Clarke asks when she finally pulls away and notices that the Commander is already dressed for the day.

“Not long,” Lexa lies. The truth is that she spent most of the night wide awake. She doesn’t want the sky girl to think it’s her fault that the Commander is losing sleep. Her mind has simply been too filled with thoughts of the days to come and what the future might hold for both her and Clarke for her to manage to close her eyes for more than a few minutes at a time. And of course then there’s the past commanders who speak to her every time she tries to sleep. She doesn’t want to hear them anymore, can’t stand to listen to them any longer.

“You look exhausted,” Clarke says sympathetically. She doesn’t feel much more rested herself and she desperately longs for a night of peaceful sleep. She hopes… she knows that soon the nightmares will fade and she’ll no longer have to worry about them startling her awake several times a night. They faded sometime after her father was floated and again after Mount Weather, this time will be no different. She pushes herself off the bed, the clothes she slept in wrinkled and sweaty and making her uncomfortable. “I should get cleaned up, change,” she says and Lexa nods but neither of them move, both too reluctant to leave the other.

 

*~*~*

 

Raven sits on the bed in Abby’s room where they can both be sure to have almost as much privacy as they need. The mechanic sits with her head buried in her hands and eyes and cheeks moist with tears. “I can’t remember any of it. It… it’s like he never even existed at all.” She looks up at the doctor, eyes desperate. “I wanted relief from my pain and if that meant forgetting all the bad then I could live with that. But I didn’t want to lose all the good memories too.” Her stomach turns and she fights hard to remember all the moments she and Finn shared together: when he gave her the necklace that still dangles from her neck, the first kiss they shared, the first time they made love. It’s all gone and she fears she’ll never get any of it back.

Alie stands nearby, unseen by Abby and ignored by Raven as she listens and feels her grip on the mechanic loosen. “You wished to be free of your pain. To do that, I had to take away any memories that might trigger that pain, good or bad. I only gave you what you wanted.” She’s emotionless as she speaks, as always; a robot without feeling.

“This is not what I wanted,” Raven retorts through clenched teeth as she looks up at Alie.

The doctor follows the mechanic’s gaze, sees no one and grows more concerned. “Raven,” she says quietly. “Who are you talking to?”

“Her,” Raven points and then remembers that only those who have taken the chip can see the woman in red. “Alie,” she clarifies. “She’s an A.I. You can only see her if you’ve taken the damn chip.” Raven glares at the woman for a few seconds longer before turning away, sickened by the site of her. “I want it out,” she says. “I want this thing out of me head.” She looks up at Abby, eyes desperately pleading.

The words sting Alie and she cringes ever so slightly. She knows Raven is strong and a valuable asset. She can’t let the girl go. “If you’d like, I could return your memories to you,” the A.I. offers. “But it would mean also returning your pain,” she adds coldly. “What I can’t and won’t do, is allow you to push me away.” She is quiet for a minute, letting Raven consider the option she has presented. “We need you, Raven.”

The mechanic does her best to ignore Alie, annoyed by the sound of her voice and wishing she’d simply disappear. “Please Abby, you have to get this thing out of me.”

Abby nods and takes Raven’s hand into her own. “Let’s go back to medical. I’ll get a scan, find out where it is and then we’ll get it out.” A sense of relief visibly washes over Raven as she follows Abby out of the room and back to the medical bay.

 

*~*~*

 

Murphy wanders through the forest, sticking to the trees and the shadows, happy to be away from Polis and eager to find Emori. His un-bandaged, open wounds sting and burn under his clothes and it irritates him, tempting him to rip off the uncomfortable clothes and increase his risk of infection. The pain makes him wonder if it will ever end, the constant suffering, the hell he’s always forced to endure. He wonders when exactly it was that the world decided to use him as its punching bag.

A thud and the sound of leaves crunching under feet behind him cause him to spin around, curious what torture he’ll be forced to face next and who’ll be dishing it out. The sight of Emori causes his clenched fists to relax and a smirk to form across his lips. “Where the hell have you been,” she asks him looking over the cuts on his face and bare arms.

“A couple grounders caught me and dragged me to Polis so they could lock me up. Some bald asshole with a tattoo on his head tortured me for information about a girl and about those stupid chips.” He lifts up his shirt to show her his other wounds and she stares at each one, fascinated as she runs fingers over them. “Looks like you held out pretty well,” she says with a smirk as he lets his shirt fall back over the wounds.

“Couldn’t tell the bastard what I didn’t know,” Murphy says mildly annoyed by the memory of Titus lashing him, cutting away at his skin. He reminds himself that it isn’t anything he isn’t already used to and focuses his attention on the girl in front of him, pulling her in and kissing her. “And where were you?”

“I was waiting for you.” The girl’s eyes fall to the ground. She feels bad for leaving him, but feels she had no other choice. “Had I followed you to Polis, they would have captured me as well, and I doubt I would have been so lucky as to escape like you did. So I waited instead, certain you could handle yourself and it looks like I was right.”

“Yeah well, the only reason I escaped is because the asshole who tortured me decided it was a good idea to try and kill my friend and injured the Commander in the process. She told me I could either stay there locked up or leave and go back to Arkadia with the rest of my people… or be killed out here in the forest if your people catch me.”

Emori’s eyes grow wide as Murphy speaks. “So Titus must be dead now then,” she says questioningly.

Murphy shrugs. “I guess. She said something about the penalty for making an attempt on her life being death.”

The girl nods. “Yes, death by a thousand cuts.” She falls silent for a moment, deep in thought. “I wonder who will take his place as flamekeeper.” She suppresses a quiet laugh when Murphy gives her a funny look. “Whenever a Commander dies and their spirit chooses the next natblida to take their place, the flamekeeper is in charge of removing the spirit of all the past Commanders, the flame, and inserting it into the next during their ascension ceremony after the conclave.”

It all sounds so complex and stupid to Murphy and he shrugs his shoulders to show that he honestly doesn’t really care. Emori seems to get the point and laughs and shakes her head. “If you’re not supposed to get caught out here, then perhaps we should move on,” she says and Murphy nods in agreement.

 

*~*~*

 

Raven screams as Lincoln restrains her on one side and Kane on the other. She squirms under their strong hold as Abby stands by her head, begging the mechanic to tell her what’s wrong. “It hurts,” she screams. “Make it stop, please make it stop!” Tears stream down her cheeks. Abby moves to grab a sedative, eager to oblige Raven’s desperate pleas.

“I can make it stop, Raven. You just have to let me back in and I will take all your pain away again,” Alie says standing nearby.

“No! Leave me alone,” Raven spits at the woman standing at the foot of the bed, teeth clenched as she continues to fight back against the pain, anxious for relief but unwilling to let Alie take over again. Abby comes seconds later with sweet relief, sticking a needle into the mechanic's neck and sending her off into a peaceful slumber.

The room falls silent and the doctor turns her attention to Jackson standing across the room under Octavia’s watchful eye. He’d been acting weird since Raven and Abby had returned to the medical bay. He’d strongly objected to the scans Abby wanted in order to find the chip and she’d ended up having to send him away. When Raven started screaming he refused to help hold her down or get a sedative. Thankfully Kane, Lincoln, and Octavia had been close by, heard the screaming and come to aid Abby. He moved to stop the doctor before she could use the sedative on Raven but Octavia moved in front of him, blocking his path.

Abby stares at him now, anger and confusion in her eyes. “What is your problem,” she asks him. He doesn’t answer, just stares back at her with a smirk that she desperately wants to smack off his face. “Answer me,” she demands though she’s beginning to put the pieces together on her own. “You took the chip, didn’t you?” Her anger grows as the words leave her mouth and it suddenly dawns on her how Jaha managed to get the bag back. “Did she tell you not to help me, this… Alie woman? Did she tell you to leave Raven there screaming in unbearable pain?”

Jackson is looking past her now, eyes settled on something else and Abby guesses it’s probably Alie that has his attention. She turns away, sickened by the sight of him. Kane watches them closely, confusion written on his own face, but he doesn’t need to understand any of it to know that Abby needs Jackson out. “Take him to lockup,” he says looking to Lincoln and Octavia. They both nod and each take an arm, practically dragging Jackson out of the room despite his sudden protests. Kane moves toward Abby. He can see that she’s worried and exhausted. He places a comforting hand against her cheek then pulls her into a tight embrace. When they separate, he moves to kiss her but she pulls away leaving Kane even more confused. He doesn’t bother asking any questions though, simply accepts that now is not the time. “I know you’re worried about her, that you care for her as if she were a daughter. She’ll be okay,” he says trying to reassure the doctor.

The words sting Abby and she cringes slightly, turning away from Kane so he doesn’t see it. The relationship between her and Raven is different than that of a mother and daughter… much different. But she isn’t sure whether that’s something that she or Raven is ready to share with anyone else and if she lets the cat out of the bag now, Kane might let jealousy get the better of him and make it known that he disapproves and right now she doesn’t have time to listen to him lecture. “I have to get that thing out of her head,” she says and moves away from him to stand beside the sleeping mechanic, brushing a soft hand over Raven’s cheek.

Kane nods, seeming to understand that the doctor wants him to leave so she can get back to work. “I’ll be here if you need me,” he offers and then leaves. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Thanks again for all the kudos, they are greatly appreciated. I will likely post another chapter tonight and may include a special preview of the chapter I am currently working on... that way you guys can dream about that instead of whatever torture Jason has planned for us tonight.

Clarke can hear Lexa and Indra arguing behind the closed door of the Commander’s room. “This is not a good idea, Heda,” the warrior says doing her best to keep from raising her voice and letting her frustration show. “If you step down, it will cause chaos, especially with the threat of war with Arkadia looming.”

“It is my hope that by the time the clans come together and I announce that I am relinquishing my position of power, our friends with skaikru will have taken care of the problem in Arkadia,” the sky girl hears Lexa retort. “My decision is final, Indra, and you shall serve the next Commander as you have served me.”

“Heda, beja. You must reconsider.”

Lexa shakes her head defiantly. “I have made my decision. Do not defy me.”

Indra’s head falls in defeat. She knows she cannot convince the Commander to change her mind. The girl is too stubborn and has allowed her heart to begin speaking louder than her mind. “What of the flamekeeper? The ceremony cannot be completed without one.”

Lexa stares at the warrior who now refuses to make eye contact with her. “We’ll figure it out,” she says. She already has something in mind, but she knows the majority of her people will likely not take kindly to it and she doesn’t care to argue with Indra about it now.

The warrior accepts the Commander’s answer and turns to leave, scowling at Clarke when she opens the door and finds the sky girl waiting in the hall. She’s convinced that if Wanheda hadn’t come along in the first place, this wouldn’t be an issue. Titus would be alive to continue his duties as flamekeeper and Lexa would not be talking about stepping down from her position of power. She brushes past Clarke, focusing her mind on her task of sending forth the message for the clans to join together in Polis once more.

“I think she’s upset with me,” Clarke says when she enters Lexa’s room.

“In time, she will come to accept my decision. For now it seems she blames you,” Lexa looks at Clarke apologetically. “My people are accustomed to the idea of putting their duty before their feelings, especially in my case; just as they are accustomed to the way of jus drien jus daun.”

“She’s right. It is my fault. I came along and managed to stomp all over your people’s way of life, attempted to change their way of thinking… and change you.”

“Don’t say that, Clarke. Don’t… don’t even think it. None of this is your fault. The only thing you’re guilty of, Clarke Kom Skaikru, is opening my eyes to a better way of life. The choices I make are still my own.” Lexa smiles and takes Clarke’s hands into her own. “Someday my people will come to realize the same thing I have. That you were right, Clarke, when you said that life should be about more than just surviving.”

A smile slowly slips across Clarke’s lips and she kisses Lexa. For the first time in a long time she can finally take a moment to be happy, to enjoy the comfort of somebody who doesn’t blame her for every little thing that goes wrong even if she is somehow responsible, who won’t even let her blame herself, somebody who listens to her and appreciates her.

 

*~*~*

 

Octavia kisses Lincoln, hugs him tight and then mounts her horse. She wishes he could return to Polis with her, but she also knows it’s far too dangerous. “I’ll come back as soon as I’ve informed the Commander that Pike has fallen and that Skaikru is no longer a threat.”

The grounder nods and watches as the gate slowly opens to let the girl out of Arkadia. “Octavia,” he calls out to her and she looks at him over her shoulder. “I love you.”

Octavia smiles for the first time since finding out about her brother. “I love you too,” she says and nudges the horse into a slow trot past the gate. A grounder warrior waits for her outside the walls of Arkadia. “Where’s Indra,” she asks him.

“She returned to Polis shortly after escorting you back here. There were other things that required her attention at the Commander’s request. Come,” he says to her motioning for her to follow. “They await whatever news it is you must bring the Commander.” His horse breaks into a fast gallop and Octavia orders her own steed to follow suit.

 

*~*~*

 

Raven wakes up slowly, eyes flickering open and then quickly closing again to block out the bright lights of the medical bay. She opens them again after a few seconds, prepared this time for the stream of light. She parts her dry lips to call out to Abby, but only a puff of air manages to escape, but she quickly realizes that there is no need to call out to the doctor because she is already at her side, pushing herself up out of the chair she has set beside the bed. “I’ll get you some water,” she says brushing her hand over the top of Raven’s head and kissing her forehead before disappearing and then reappearing less than a minute later with a cup of cool, clear liquid. She slips a hand under Raven and helps her to sit up so she can sip the water without choking on it. “Slowly,” she says as the mechanic eagerly drinks from the cup that Abby holds to her lips and she obeys, taking small sips and letting the water sit, warming on her tongue, before swallowing and letting it complete its path, lubricating her dry throat. “How do you feel,” Abby asks once the cup is empty and Raven is laid back again.

“Like somebody knocked me out and cut into the back of my neck,” the mechanic says groggily. After a few seconds she notices that the pain in her leg is back and that Alie is gone and relief washes over her, a smile spreading across her face. She never thought she’d actually be happy to feel the throb in her thigh. “My leg… it hurts,” she says quietly looking to Abby. “And she’s gone.”

The doctor smiles back at the mechanic. “I’ll get you something for the pain,” she says and briefly takes Raven’s hand into her own, squeezing gently, reassuringly before pressing her lips to the younger woman’s and turning to retrieve some pain meds and more water. A gentle knock on the medical bay door distracts her temporarily. “Just a minute,” she calls out to whoever’s on the other side of the door, seeking her attention. She brings more water and pills across the room to Raven, handing them over and helping her sit up once more. When Abby lets her lay back again, the mechanic fights to keep her eyes open, body and mind still exhausted. “Don’t fight it,” Abby says and squeezes her hand once more. “Get some more sleep, you need the rest.” She kisses Raven’s forehead and lips again before reluctantly leaving her side to answer the now impatient knocking.

Jaha stands on the other side of the door when Abby opens it. His presence irritates her and she blocks him when he tries to peer around her into the room. “How’s Raven,” he says.

“She’s fine,” Abby says irritation evident in her voice. He tries once more to peer around her, push past her, but she continues to block him.

“I’d like to see her, if you don’t mind.” He lets his own impatience show.

“I do mind. She’s needs rest, not you coming here to try and shove another one of your chips down her throat under the guise of checking up on her.”

“Abby, please, I haven’t forced anyone to take the chip. What sort of person do you think I am that I would make anyone take the chip against their will? People take the chip because they’re hurting and need something to help take away the pain they’re suffering from.”

“It takes away a lot more than just their pain, I told you that. I also told you that I wanted to run some tests before you handed anymore of them out. And somehow you managed to get your chips back before I got the chance to run any of those tests.” She looks away from him, gaze cast at the ground. “I suppose I have Jackson to thank for that,” her gaze wanders back up to meet his eyes again. “And as for what kind of person you are. You’re sure as hell not the same person you were when we were in space. You’re not the person I thought you were, Thelonious.” She holds his gaze, anger and disappointment in her eyes and she can see that her words sting when Jaha cringes slightly and lets his own gaze drop to the floor. “I want you to stay away from Raven; first and only warning.”

Jaha looks back up at her, somewhat shocked by the doctor’s unexpected threat. Alie looks at her as well, standing behind Jaha, head tilted in curiosity. “She’s not going to let up.” The woman in red is silent for a minute, seeming lost in calculated thought. “She loves her,” she says. “As long as she’s around to stand between us and Raven, we stand no chance of getting back through to her. We’ll have to find another way.”

Jaha nods and smiles at Abby, doing his best to hide the confusion and shock caused by some of what Alie has just told him. It makes sense, clarifies why Abby is being so protective of Raven, it’s just unexpected like her threat. “As you wish,” he says and turns to leave.

 

*~*~*

 

Lexa spars with Aden in the same place the Commander defeated the Ice King just a few days before. Clarke watches seated in the same chair Titus had collapsed into when he feared Roan would defeat Lexa, killing her. The sky girl’s eyes wander to the chair beside her, still stained with Nia’s blood. The sight brings her relief and makes her stomach turn at the same time and she shifts her gaze back to Lexa and Aden and the other young nightbloods watching the two dance around each other. They match each other’s moves closely, one blocking when the other risks a jab or slash.

When an opportunity presents itself Aden quickly takes it, tripping the Commander up and sending her tumbling to the ground. She looks up at him as he holds his blade lightly against her neck. They smile at each other, pride showing in Lexa’s eyes. Aden sheaths his sword and offers a hand to help pull the Commander to her feet as the other nightbloods clap.

Clarke stands and wanders toward them, her lips curled into a smile of her own, as Lexa dismisses the children sending them off to play and let them be children for what little time they have left to be children. The thought makes Clarke’s stomach turn and her smile fade. In just a few days time, she knows it is likely that all but one of those children will have fought to win the right to go on living though with very adult responsibilities. It doesn’t sit right with her, but she knows there isn’t much she can do about it.

Aden stays behind, little eyes wandering between his Commander and her lover. When he sees the smile fade from Clarke’s lips he’s knows something is bothering her. “What is it, Clarke Kom Skaikru,” he asks.

The sky girl shakes her head, unwilling to share her depressing realization with the young warrior. She tries to force a fake smile but she has no doubt he can see right through it, just like she knows that Commander who stares at her with concern can see through it. “Run along, Aden,” Lexa says trying to encourage the boy to go along with his fellow nightbloods.

The young warrior’s lips part, questions begging to be answered. “Heda,” he says looking up at Lexa. “What’s going on?”

The Commander gazes down at the boy, eyes soft despite her irritation and longing to be left alone with Clarke so she can find out what’s bothering the girl. “What do you mean?”

Aden shrugs, shuffling his feet on the hard ground. “There are rumors that you’ve ordered the clans to come together again. I just… had a feeling…” he falls silent eyes focused on his shuffling feet and the little specs of dirt he’s kicking up.

Lexa rests a gentle hand on his shoulder, pulling his attention back up to her and causing him to be still. “The rumors are true. But there’s nothing for you to worry about. Now go.” Her voice is gentle, reassuring, and seems to satisfy the boy. He turns to run off but then turns back and wraps his short arms around the Commander and she hesitantly reciprocates before pushing him along.

They watch silently as he runs off, eager to catch up with his friends. Then Lexa turns to Clarke, eyes wandering over the girl’s face, looking through the fake smile she struggles to hold. “Something’s bothering you,” she says.

“It’s nothing,” Clarke says but Lexa gives her a look that tells her that the Commander isn’t going to let it go until she spills. “It’s just… they’re so young and in a few days all of them… or almost all of them,” she stops and shakes her head again unable to continue.

Lexa nods in understanding. “I know it doesn’t make sense to you, Clarke. But this is simply our way.” Her eyes follow the sky girl’s, watching the young nightbloods, some of them apparently partaking in a game of tag and others play fighting as if their training has not yet ended for the day. The truth is that it doesn’t make much sense to her either, she doesn’t understand why children should be sacrificed, short lives stolen from them by the hand of their friends or even brother or sister in some cases. But it is their way and so she accepts it. She looks back at Clarke and brushes a hand against her cheek before letting her hand drop into her lover’s, their fingers intertwined. “When the time comes, if you do not wish to attend the Conclave, you don’t have to,” Lexa says and that seems to satisfy Clarke at least for the time being.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:   
> beja- please  
> Wanheda- Commander of death  
> jus drien jus daun- blood must have blood  
> Heda- Commander


	9. Chapter 9

Raven wakes up to the feeling of a hand gently caressing her forehead and she looks up into Abby’s tender eyes as the mechanic carefully pushes herself into a sitting position. The mechanic smiles briefly, happy to find the doctor still at her side. “What time is it,” she asks.

“Just before dusk. I thought you might be hungry so I had Kane grab something from the cafeteria.” The doctor wanders to her desk and grabs a small plate, containing some sort of meat that’s been over cooked and stuck on a sharp stick, and carries it back to Raven who realizes just how hungry she is when her eyes fall on the meat. Her stomach growls and she eagerly takes the food, biting off large chunks and chewing greedily. “If you’re still hungry I can have Kane bring back something else when he’s done letting the others know about Pike.”

Raven’s chewing slows and once she’s able to, she swallows before speaking. “He’ll also be announcing that we’ll have to have another election won’t he?”

Abby nods, “unless he’s changed his mind and decided to take Pike’s place without an election.” The tone of her voice indicates that she’s doubtful that will be the case. “With any luck at all, nobody will step up to challenge him again, but there are still a few out there who think Pike had the right idea and know Kane won’t follow the same path he had us headed down. If one of them is willing to step up and challenge Kane then there may still be enough people left on Pike’s side to send us back to square one.” She sighs and lets her gaze fall away from Raven. She’s never really been a fan of politics and the last several days have only served to remind her why and despite her role on the council on the Ark, she’s preferred to avoid them when possible.

“Shouldn’t you be there?”

The doctor looks back at the mechanic, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Probably, but I wanted to stay and keep an eye on you. I’m sure Kane is capable of managing on his own.”

Raven lets a smile form across her own lips and she reaches for Abby’s hand. “Thank you,” she says and Abby responds with a gentle kiss.

 

*~*~*

 

Kane stands in front of the group that is gathered outside, waiting for him to fill them in on what has happened to the chancellor. He takes a deep breath, looking over them, doing his best to look mournful. “It with great regret that I have to inform you all that yesterday afternoon Chancellor Pike was killed.” Several people let out shocked gasps, some relieved by the news, others are left indifferent and not surprised obviously somehow already alerted to the news before Kane had a chance to break it. A common question rings out among many of the sky people. They want to know who did it and Kane lets out a deep sigh before giving them the answer they seek, thankful that Octavia is on her way to Polis rather than still lingering in the camp. “It appears that he and Bellamy had a falling out of some sort and that they shot each other. The crowd is silent for a few seconds before they all at once begin demanding to know more. Kane does his best to calm them and he finds himself wishing that Abby was by his side to give him a little support, reassurance, a little… hope. “Listen,” he says raising his voice just enough to be heard over the murmur of the crowd. He waits and slowly they fall silent again, waiting for him to go on. “I can’t tell you anything else, because I’ve already told you all that I know.”

“Who will be taking over as Chancellor then,” somebody in the middle of the crowd calls out.

“I will, for the time being.” A few seem to be displeased by this and are quick to voice their disapproval. “I know some of you may be opposed to me taking over as Chancellor. That’s why I’ve once again decided that if anybody would like to run against me then we will have another election.” He knows it’s a risk, that if he allows another election then they may just end up with another Pike, but he’s doing his best to avoid a revolt at the hands of the followers that remain. “That’s all,” he says and makes his way away from the crowd and back into what remains of the Ark. He has become a man who desperately wants peace, among both his own people and between skaikru and the grounders, but he’s beginning to wonder if he might be forced to once again become the man he was before they came to the ground. He wonders if he even could become that man again; the tough, stern, stubborn man who refused to let anyone get in his way and wasn’t afraid  to knock a few people around to get things done or set an example for the others. “ _Did it work,”_ Abby’s words echo in his head, images of Major Byrne shock lashing the doctor at his command. “ _Is the camp back in line_ ,” the words still sting and he cringes as they replay in his head. He doesn’t want to be that man again.

“Are you sure another election is a good idea,” Lincoln’s voice pulls Kane back to the present and he turns to face the ground, shrugging his shoulders. “What if one of Pike’s followers runs and wins. We’ll be right back where we started and this will all have been for nothing.”

“I know,” Kane says. “But this is the way we do things.”

“Then maybe it’s time to change the way your people do things, before more lives are lost.” He doesn’t mean for the words to sound harsh as they come out, but as gentle as he tries to be the implications of what he says are still cruel.

Kane only nods, his mind trailing once more, stuck on Abby now. “With any luck at all, none of his remaining followers will be willing to step up to the plate and run for Chancellor. In which case, we have nothing to worry about,” he says in an attempt to put Lincoln at ease, at least for the time being. “It’s late. We’ll worry about what might happen next in the morning after we’ve all gotten some rest.”

Lincoln stares at Kane for a few seconds. He can tell that the man’s mind is elsewhere. For a brief moment he considers dragging Kane back, pushing the issue rather than accepting his suggestion that they leave it until morning. Instead he nods and reluctantly wandered off, still concerned about what the future holds.

 

*~*~*

 

Carl Emerson sits in front of a small fire that he spent hours fighting to light so he could cook the small fish he managed to catch in a nearby stream and to ensure that he stays warm enough to survive the cool night. The fish burns on the stick he uses to hold it over the fire, his mind too preoccupied to make room for his source of sustenance that demands his attention. He lost his chance at death, his chance at forcing Clarke Griffin to end the suffering that she has caused him. Now he doesn’t want death, he wants revenge and he fantasizes about all the ways he’ll settle that craving until his stomach growls reminding him that he hasn’t eaten since the night before.

The fish is black when he pulls it out of the fire and his shoulders slump as his tosses the stick into the fire without bothering to retrieve his now inedible dinner. Irritation washes over him and he resists the urge to let it out by screaming into the night, or punching a nearby tree until his hands are bloody and broken.

Leaves crunch behind him and he can almost feel the presence of someone or something else. Without a second thought he reaches for the knife on his belt that he’d managed to steal off one of the grounders as he was escorted out of Polis and into the wilderness. “Put it away. I’ll end you before you can even turn around,” a female voice says as he pushes himself up from the ground. He ignores the demand and threat and turns slowly, still clutching the knife.

A young woman stands a few feet away and his eyes wander over her, taking in what little he can make out in the dim light the small fire puts off. He knows immediately, by the clothes she wears, that she is a grounder. The scars on her face that he can just barely make out confirm what the clothes already tell him. As she steps closer, he can see that the scars are deliberate markings, not just the leftovers from wounds earned in hard fought battles.

Emerson continues to take her in, oblivious to how close she’s getting, and before he knows it he’s on his back with his stolen knife pressed against his throat. He can feel the warm seep of blood where the blade has cut in just enough to make him bleed. “Who the hell are you,” he says staring up at the young woman, fear glistening in his eyes.

“My name is Ontari,” she responds bitterly. When she’s certain he isn’t stupid enough to try anything, she slowly backs off of him. She slips the knife into her own belt, unwilling to take any stupid chances. “If you plan to return to Polis to exact revenge on the sky girl, then you’re going to need your strength,” she says looking briefly toward the fire and pulling out what’s left of the stick Emerson was using to cook his fish. “You’ll also need to focus your mind, instead of letting it wander, or it’ll cost you more than just a fish.”

Emerson glares at her as he pushes himself up off the ground. A small part of him is tempted to jump on her, wrap his hands tight around her throat until she’s breathed her last restricted breath. He thinks better of it and settles back in front of his fire. “Why the hell should I trust you?”

“Because you need me,” she replies coldly. “If you want to get to Clarke, you’ll have to go through Lexa and you don’t stand a chance against the Commander.”

“And what’s in it for you if you help me?”

“I get to kill Lexa and all the other little nightbloods and take the throne.” A cynical smile forms on Ontari’s lips. “Rest,” she say to Emerson. “Tomorrow we begin our journey back to Polis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is a short preview of the chapter I am currently working on (chapter 11) my favorite part of the chapter so far:  
> \----Clarke only nods and both of them are silent for what feels like an eternity before Lexa finally breaks the silence again. “You never have to apologize to me.”  
> Clarke smiles at her through tears she can no longer hold back. “Thank you,” she says looking into the beautiful green eyes she never wants to look away from, grateful that she has someone she can rely on, somebody she can trust not to drag her down by placing the weight of the world on her weakening shoulders. She’s glad she has someone to love, and someone to love her.----
> 
> Also, for those of you who may be watching the episode tonight and who may be deeply affected by whatever happens in the episode, I've decided to include a list of suicide hotlines in case anyone needs it. If you watch the episode and it makes you feel bad enough that you feel the need to hurt yourself to any extent or in anyway, please ask for help instead.  
> USA:  
> The Trevor Project, which provides help to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth in crisis→ http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ and 1.866.488.7386  
> GLBT National Help Center, which provides free and confidential peer-support for LGBTQ people → http://glbtnationalhelpcenter.org and 1.800.843.4564 (all ages) or 1.800.246.7743 (through age 25)  
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (not LGBT specific)→ http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.organd 1.800.273.8255  
> CANADA:  
> Gay Ecoute, which is a Canada-wide bilingual helpline and information centre for people concerned with questions related to sexual orientation and gender identity → http://www.gaiecoute.org/en/ and 1.888.505.1010 (toll-free) or 514-866-0103 (Montreal)  
> United Kingdom:  
> Switchboard, a LGBT+helpline → http://switchboard.lgbt and 0300 330 0630  
> Brazil:  
> Comovaivocê (not LGBT specific) → http://www.cvv.org.br/index.php or call 141  
> France:  
> SOSHelpine, a (not LGBT specific) helpline for English speakers in France → http://www.soshelpline.org/whoweare.html and 01 46 21 46 46  
> Or  
> Suicide Ecoute (not LGBT specific) → https://suicideecoute.pads.fr and 01 45 39 40 00  
> Spain:  
> Here is a website with the LGBT lines for each province in Spain → http://www.cogam.es/WebPor…/…/archivos/1547_es_cols_LGTB.htm  
> For Other Countries:  
> Website with Hotlines for a Large Number of Countries (not LGBT specific) → http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html  
> Befrienders Worldwide, a volunteer action to prevent suicide, with links to international web and phone services → http://www.befrienders.org/glbt-youth  
> Together We are Strong, provides a list of resources by country, with phone numbers →  
> International Helplines  
> http://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline


	10. Chapter 10

The gates to Polis open slowly and Octavia rides in close behind the grounder warrior who has escorted her from Arkadia. It’s early in the morning and quiet in the grounder capital and knowing that many of the grounders living here are likely still sleeping peacefully reminds Octavia how tired she is after the lack of sleep she got when they set up camp for a couple hours over night. She yawns as she dismounts her horse and watches as the animal is led off to a stable not too far away. “The Commander will be waiting for you,” her escort says and Octavia nods and makes her way into the tower, anxious to tell Lexa that Pike is dead, that the sky people will no longer be an issue… or so she hopes.

Lexa sits on her throne, patiently waiting for Octavia to bring her news of Arkadia and the murderous chancellor she hopes has been taken care of. She sits up a little straighter when the girl enters the room. “Where’s Clarke,” Octavia asks eyes searching the room quickly but finding no sign of her friend.

“I told her she could rest a little longer.” The Commander considers letting Octavia know that the Clarke’s rest has been interrupted by nightmares for the last few nights, but she decides that it’s up to the sky girl to share that information with Octavia if she wishes. “What news do you bring me from Arkadia?”

“Pike is dead. Kane is taking over as Chancellor. The sky people should no longer be a threat.”

Lexa nods, seemingly satisfied with the news Octavia has given her. “I’ll send word that the kill order has been lifted. It will once again be safe for your people to leave their camp so long as they continue to pose no threat to my people.”

Clarke shuffles sleepily into the room and it’s obvious she has just woken up. She rubs at her eyes and stops in her tracks when she sees Octavia, suddenly fully awake. She stares at Octavia, waiting to hear what news she has. “Pike,” she asks.

“He’s dead,” Octavia says.

The sky girl notices something different about Octavia, something off. The tone of her voice seems colder. There’s a look in her eyes that tells Clarke that something isn’t right, that something bad has happened. “Octavia,” she says, voice soft and soothing, reminding Octavia that she’s a friend and that whatever is bothering her, Clarke is there to listen and comfort her if need be. “What happened?”

Octavia tries to keep up her tough exterior, but it begins to crumble as she looks at Clarke, trying to find the right words to say. Tears she didn’t think she’d have to fight burn her eyes and a couple manage to escape. “Bellamy’s dead,” she says finally.

For a second Clarke isn’t sure how to react, too shocked by the news and not sure she can believe the words that have tumbled out of Octavia’s mouth. “I’m so sorry,” she says after several seconds have passed. She takes a few steps toward the girl, arms open and doing her best to hold back tears of her own. Octavia stares at her for a second before accepting Clarke’s unspoken offer of comfort, collapsing into her outstretched arms. Clarke wants to ask her how it happened, but she isn’t sure she should and she keeps her lips sealed, deciding that now is not the time and that she’ll let Octavia fill her in when she’s ready.

Lexa watches quietly from her throne. There is sorrow in her eyes and she wants to offer some degree of comfort to Octavia, but she isn’t sure how. She’s so used to loss that it doesn’t have as much impact on her as it once did. Her mind wanders, thinking about all those she has lost, some by her own hand. She thinks about Costia and the tears she quietly shed for the girl, and though she misses Gustus and even Titus, she didn’t moron for them the way she mourned for the girl she once loved. And she doubts she will ever mourn like that again, except if she ever were to lose Clarke. The Commander quickly pushes the thought out of her head, the thought alone of anything happening to Clarke brings her pain.

The doors open, offering the three of them a welcome distraction. Indra walks in and Octavia has to fight the urge to run to the warrior and throw her arms around the woman. Now isn’t the time or the place, so instead they acknowledge one another with a simple nod. “Heda, the ambassadors have begun to arrive,” the warrior says to the Commander and Lexa nods giving Indra the okay to show them into the room.

Octavia turns away from Clarke and looks at the Commander, eyes questioning. “You called the clans together?” Lexa only nods in response. “What for,” Octavia asks as a few ambassadors make their way into the room, Roan among them. Each one moves around Clarke and Octavia, bows quickly in front of the Commander and then moves off to the side, making room for the next. Octavia stands in the same spot, still staring at Lexa and waiting for an answer until Clarke takes her arm and pulls her along to stand beside the Commander’s throne.

Others slowly pack the room, citizens of Polis and other grounders that have traveled with the ambassadors of their clans, anxious to hear why the Commander has called them together once more. Lexa sits quietly, waiting for the dull murmur to fade to silence so she can speak without having to raise her voice. “Ambassadors, members of the thirteen clans,” Lexa briefly looks to her side, eyes grazing over Octavia before turning back to the others. “I have asked you to gather once again for two reasons. First, to inform you that Octavia Kom Skaikru has brought us word that their leader is dead and Skaikru is no longer a threat. The second reason I have asked you to gather is to inform you that I will be relinquishing my position as Commander.”

The room quickly fills with the sound of murmuring grounders shocked by the news that Lexa has given them. A few object to the idea of her stepping down, not prepared to have a younger, less experienced nightblood take her place. A few voice their concerns about the Ice Queen’s nighblood returning, winning the conclave and taking Lexa’s place. The Commander does her best to quiet them and calm their fears, ensuring them that Ontari will not win and that whichever of the nightbloods she has trained will serve their people well, just as she has.

“Why,” Roan asks stepping forward. “Why, after just risking your life to prove Nia wrong and keep your place as Commander, are you suddenly deciding to step down?”

Lexa chances a quick glance at Clarke before turning her attention back to the king. “My reasoning is none of your concern.”

“Is it because of her,” Roan nods his head in the sky girl’s direction. “Rumor has it that the flamekeeper is dead; executed after injuring you while trying to kill her. The word is that he wanted her dead because he believed your feelings for her were negatively impacting your ability to fulfill your duties as Commander.”

The Commander glares at him, daring him to speak so much as one more word, give her a reason to rise from her throne and push the blade of her knife against the skin of his throat. The King smirks back at her, knowing he’s pushing buttons he should know better than to push. “Don’t your subjects have a right to know why you’re stepping down? Why you’ll be leaving them under the command of somebody like Ontari? Perhaps you should tell your friends from Skaikru to run back to their camp and tell their people to prepare for the war you were trying so hard to help them avoid, because Ontari will beat the other nightbloods and declare war against them, as my mother wished.”

Rage flares in Lexa and in a second she is out of her throne and standing in front of Roan, her knife to his throat, their faces only inches apart. “Perhaps you have forgotten who gave you your freedom back,” she says through clenched teeth. “Perhaps you forgot that it was your mother who cast you out, and who sent you to die by my hand. Did you forget that it was your mother who deemed you a coward as you lay with the point of a spear to your throat? A spear I just as easily could have used to kill you. Did you forget that I was kind enough to spare your life and make you King?” She glares at him, fire burning in her eyes. “Don’t make me regret my choice to let you live.” She knows this is the reaction he was looking for, that he’s only pushing her because he knows he can and because he gets a thrill out of testing people… seeing how far he can push before they snap.

The King nods, a toothy smile still spread across his lips, satisfied with himself. He slowly backs away from Lexa and the blade, sinking back in with the other ambassadors who watch quietly. The rest of them know better than to play the same sort of games that Roan dares play. Despite their differences, it’s evident that a part of him still takes after the mother he so hated.

 

*~*~*

 

Abby gently strokes Raven’s head, watching as the girl sleeps peacefully beside her. A gentle knock on the door briefly pulls Abby’s attention away from the sleeping mechanic. For a second she considers ignoring it, letting whoever is looking for her believe she isn’t in her room, but then she hears Kane’s voice leak through the door. “Abby, are you in there,” he asks and with a sigh she slides out of the bed, careful not to wake Raven.

“Just a minute,” she says as she quickly searches for the jeans and shirt that were hastily cast aside after she’d led Raven to her room late the night before. When she finds the clothes she quickly pulls them on before making her way to the door, cracking it open and sticking her head out. “Marcus,” she says eyeing him, only half interested in whatever it is he wants.

Kane opens his mouth to say something but stops and tries to peer over Abby’s head into the room, his view cut off when she straights up to block him as best as she can. “Is someone with you,” he asks looking back at her.

“No,” she lies.

Kane raises an eyebrow and Abby knows he can tell she’s lying. “Well, can I come in then?”

The doctor lets out a quiet, agitated laugh, wishing he’d tell her what he wants and leave. “Not right now, Marcus. What do you want?”

Kane can tell that Abby’s irritated with him, though he isn’t quite sure why. But he lets it slide with a quiet sigh. “Sinclair wanted to know how Raven was doing but she wasn’t in medical or her room. I thought maybe you might know where we could find her.”

Abby shrugs and opens her mouth to tell him she doesn’t know where the mechanic is and maybe offer to help them find her, but Raven’s voice sounds from inside the room and the doctor freezes, knowing she’s busted. “Abby,” she asks still half asleep, hand running over the sheets beside her searching for the missing body.

The Chancellor stares at Abby questioningly. “I thought you said you were alone.” His eyes run over the doctor, taking in her messy hair, the clothes that she clearly threw on in a hurry, and he quickly puts the pieces together. “You and Raven,” he asks clearly in shock. “You’re…”

“I’m not so sure it’s any of your business,” Abby says cutting him off.

“Abby, she’s half your age,” Kane objects staring at the doctor, a mixture of jealousy and disappointment in his eyes.

The doctor clenches her jaw, not in the mood to listen to Kane object to who she sleeps with. “We’re both consenting adults,” she retorts. “And it’s none of your business.”

Raven sits up in the bed, rubbing sleep from her eyes. “Abby, come back…” she stops when she realizes that the door is open slightly and that the doctor is talking to someone. “Shit,” she says quietly and waits until Abby closes the door and wanders back over before she says anything else. “Who was it?”

“Kane,” Abby says as she sits back on the bed beside the mechanic.

“Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag,” Raven says. She doesn’t really care who knows about her and the doctor, but she’s worried that Abby does, that Abby may have wanted to keep it on the down low, just between the two of them. “Sorry,” she says.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Abby says passing the mechanic a reassuring smile. “Kane may not approve, and I’m sure he isn’t the only one who would object, but it’s not really up to anybody else.” She caresses Raven’s cheek with the back of her hand before gently kissing her, letting her know that even if the cat is out of the bag, nothing has changed between them.

 

*~*~*

 

Hannah Green watches her sleeping son from across the room, eagerly waiting for him to wake up. Her eyes are dark and sunken and she struggles to keep them open, forcing herself to stay awake just a little longer. She jumps when Monty moves on his bed, lifting his head and blinking away the sleep that fights to pull him back into its embrace. “Mom,” he says as he pushes himself up. “You look like you haven’t slept.”

His mother shrugs. “Too much on my mind,” she says and takes a deep breath before she continues. “I think I’m going to run against Kane for Chancellor. If I win, we can finish what Pike started.”          

Hannah’s words shock Monty and for a second he isn’t sure how to respond. He hears Octavia’s voice in his head, repeating the words she’d spoken to him three days before. He knows now that she was right and that the way Pike was going about things was wrong and he doesn’t want to go back down that path again. “Please don’t,” he says looking at his mother.

She eyes him curiously, startled by his plea. “What? Why… why not? Monty, we… I have to do what’s best for our people. Pike started that and now that he’s gone somebody has to finish it and you and I both know Kane won’t.”

“Pike wasn’t doing what was best for our people. He wasn’t protecting us. He was sending us to get revenge for him, to murder innocent people.” His eyes beg Hannah to try and understand, to see the truth.

“The grounders are dangerous, Monty. If we don’t take them out, then they will try to take us out. You know that. How many times did you and the others have to defend yourselves against them before we got here? How many times did they try to kill you and your friends?”

Monty looks away, unable to answer his mother’s questions. Images flash in his mind, memories of their time on the ground: the spear through Jasper’s chest, the grounder army attacking them at the drop ship; he pushes it all out of his mind. Things are different now. “Can you please just trust me,” he says raising his voice just a little. Hannah remains silent, deep in thought for a few minutes before she nods halfheartedly.

               

               

               


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been taking me a while to get new chapters posted. Haven't been feeling well and have been struggling with a bit of writer's block.
> 
> If anybody is interested, I was listening to "Me" by The 1975 while working on the first part of this chapter.

Clarke sits on her bed as Octavia paces back and forth in the sky girl’s room, clearly agitated. “I know Lexa thinks she won’t win and I know you trust her intuition, but you need to acknowledge that there is a chance Ontari could win. And if she does, then we’re all screwed. Your beloved Commander included.”

“You need to trust her, Octavia,” Clarke says almost pleading.

Octavia snaps, stopping in her tracks and glaring at Clarke. “Why should I? Did you forget that not too long ago she betrayed us… betrayed you.” There’s emphasis on the last word, making the reminder sting even more as the words hit Clarke’s ears.

“I didn’t forget. But things are different now.”

“Are they?”

“Octavia, please.” Clarke’s eyes are desperate and sad as she watches Octavia.

“I’m sorry,” the girl offers half heartedly. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt… again. And I don’t want our people to be on the verge of yet another war that will result in the loss of more lives we can’t afford to lose.” She sits beside Clarke on the bed, running a hand over the soft furs neatly laid out beneath her.

Clarke almost tells Octavia that Lexa is stepping down in an attempt to avoid hurting her, but decides against it figuring that Octavia has probably already figured that out anyway. As for the girl’s fear of another war, the only thing Clarke has to offer is another reminder to trust the Commander’s intuition and she’s certain that Octavia doesn’t want to hear that again. Instead, she tries for changing the subject. “So, what did I miss in Arkadia?”

Octavia shrugs, not sure she knows enough herself about some of the stuff going on in Arkadia to explain it to Clarke. “Jaha’s going around handing out some chip that’s supposed to take pain away. Your mother isn’t happy about it. I guess Raven took one and your mother had to cut it out.” Vivid images of Raven flailing and screaming in medical as Kane and Lincoln fought to hold her down flash in her head and she wonders if she should share those details, but decides against it. “I’m pretty sure your mom and Raven are sleeping together,” she says instead and instantly regrets it when she looks at Clarke who stares back at her, eyes wide and filled with shock.

Clarke shutters, images she would have been better off without flashing in her head. “Thanks… I think,” she says desperately trying to push the images out of her head. She’d prefer not to know who her mother is sleeping with period, but she especially doesn’t want to know about her mother sleeping with somebody she considers a friend. “Do those chips Jaha’s handing out also erase your memories when you’ve been told something you’d rather not know,” she asks half joking.

“Actually, I think that’s part of why your mother had a problem with him handing them out. He tried to get me to take one. Lincoln suggested I bring it to her and find out if it was safe first. She said something about the chip making Jaha forget his son and then Raven said something about forgetting Finn.”

“Sounds like I have a lot to catch up on… and look forward to,” Clarke says, the last half mildly sarcastic.

“Yeah… we really could have used your help,” Octavia says, eyes focused on the ground, voice calm but suddenly bitter. Clarke looks at her questioningly, surprised by the sudden change in the girl and Octavia meets her gaze briefly. “He would have listened to you. You could have convinced him that he was on the wrong side.”

Clarke knows Octavia’s talking about her brother and she lets out a quiet sigh, wanting desperately to avoid this conversation, though she knew it was coming. “I tried, Octavia. He was already too far gone to listen to me the first time. What makes you think it would have been any different if I’d tried to talk to him a second time?” She waits for an answer, but Octavia only glares at her and it almost makes the sky girl snap, finally sick of always being blamed for everything that goes wrong. “I’m sorry, Octavia. What else do you want me to say? How many more times can I possibly apologize?”

Octavia opens her mouth to say something, but is interrupted by the soft creek of the door opening as Lexa makes her way into the room, gaze angrily cast at the girl. “I’d like a minute alone with Clarke, if you don’t mind,” she says, voice demanding and irritated. Octavia stares at the Commander, teary eyed and in disbelief that she has the nerve to walk in and practically order her out of the room. She looks at Clarke as if she expects the sky girl to stand up for her, but she only sits with her eyes focused longingly on Lexa. Without a second thought Octavia storms angrily out of the room, pulling the door closed so it slams behind her.

Lexa sits beside Clarke, taking the sky girl’s hands into her own. “What happened to Bellamy… it’s not your fault,” she offers in an attempt to comfort her lover. She can tell that Clarke is on the verge of breaking, her eyes glassy with lingering tears that threaten to fall, and smile wavering.

“You were eavesdropping,” Clarke says.

The Commander nods reluctantly and suddenly it makes sense to Clarke why Lexa appeared to be upset with Octavia. She’s just as sick and tired of listening to others blame Clarke for everything as the sky girl is. “She said she didn’t want to see you get hurt. She has a funny way of showing it,” Lexa says. Clarke only nods and both of them are silent for what feels like an eternity before Lexa finally breaks the silence again. “You never have to apologize to me.”

Clarke smiles at her through tears she can no longer hold back. “Thank you,” she says looking into the beautiful green eyes she never wants to look away from, grateful that she has someone she can rely on, somebody she can trust not to drag her down by placing the weight of the world on her weakening shoulders. She’s glad she has someone to love, and someone to love her. 

 

*~*~*

 

Kane watches as Jaha sits with his chipped followers, all sitting in a circle doing what Kane can only guess is meditating. He isn’t watching for long before Jaha opens his eyes and stares back at him, pushing himself up from the ground and making his way toward Kane. A few others look up as well but Jaha urges them to return to the City of Light and assures them that he will return shortly. “What is this,” the Chancellor asks when Jaha is close enough to hear his hushed voice.

“Nothing you need to be concerned about. We were merely visiting the City of Light.” Jaha does his best to keep his irritation at being interrupted hidden, trying to make his words sound reassuring.

“They look happy,” Kane notes and Jaha nods, pleased that the Chancellor seems to understand that he and Alie are doing a good thing. “Too happy.” The look on the ex-Chancellor’s face turns from one of contentment to inquisitiveness. “I was with Abby just before she took the chip out of the back of Raven’s neck. Abby had to sedate her and before she did, the poor girl was screaming in pain.” A glimmer of the old Kane, the man he was on the Ark, peeks through for just a moment as he continues. “I thought your chips were supposed to take pain away. I guess they only do that if you’re willing to comply with this so called A.I. that seems to have you and all your friends in its grasp.” The Chancellor stares at Jaha for a few seconds, giving his words time to sink in. “I want the chips, Thelonious. Whatever you have left, I want them all, Chancellor’s orders.”

Jaha looks at Kane with shock. He can’t give up the chips, not yet. But he also knows that Kane is capable of harsh punishment in the event of noncompliance. He looks to Alie who stands beside him, hoping she has something to offer, a suggestion of how to convince Kane that he has the wrong idea. She’s silent for a minute, coded thoughts running through her artificial mind. “Give him the chips,” she says finally. “We got them back when the doctor took them from us. We will find a way to get them back again.”

“As you wish,” Jaha says turning back to Kane. He pulls the small black bag of chips out of his pocket and hands it over. The warning glare the Chancellor gives Jaha turns to one of mild gratitude and he turns and walks away, leaving the ex-Chancellor to stare invisible and unfelt knives into his back.   

Kane makes his way to medical, bag of chips clutched firmly in hand. He isn’t sure what he expects to find when he gets there, but he comes to a sudden stop outside the door, contemplating whether he should knock first. One of Abby’s patients makes up his mind for him when the door opens to let them out. “Chancellor,” the patient says after almost running into him. They nod to each other and Kane makes his way into the room, eyes searching the room quickly before falling on the doctor watching him with her arms folded over her chest. The Chancellor holds the bag out to her. “I was hoping you might have some time to run some tests on the chips. I managed to get Jaha to hand them over but I doubt it will be long before he sends somebody to try and retrieve them like last time.” Abby only nods and takes the bag from him. “Where’s Raven,” Kane asks surprised the two of them aren’t still practically attached at the hip.

“She’s working on something with Sinclair,” Abby says and it’s obvious that the doctor seems frustrated by it, clear she doesn’t think Raven is ready to get back to work after just having the back of her neck cut open and a chip removed. “She’s stubborn,” she adds with a hint of admiration. As frustrating as the girl’s stubbornness can be, Abby knows that it’s a part of who Raven is and deep down she loves her for it, at least when that stubbornness isn’t putting her health or life at risk.

The Chancellor nods and sees an opportunity that he reluctantly takes. “Abby, I know it’s really none of my business, but I just don’t think…”

Abby holds up a hand to silence him, already seeing where he’s going and no more willing to listen to him lecture her about her relationship with Raven now than she was earlier. “I’m not having this conversation with you, Marcus. You’re right; it’s none of your business. So drop it.” Her eyes bore into him and he can almost feel their burn until he lets his eyes drop to the floor.

He nods after a few seconds, lets a feeble “sorry” slip through his lips and turns to leave, giving Abby the time and space she needs to run her tests on Jaha’s chips.

 

*~*~*

 

Octavia paces back and forth in front of Indra and the grounder watches her, irritated by the girl’s constant need to move. “Octavia,” she says voice stern. “Be still, beja.” The persistent back and forth, watching the girl take six or seven steps in one direction and then turn and take the six or seven back has become almost nauseating.

“We can’t let her do this,” Octavia says ignoring the warrior’s plea that she stop her anxious pacing. “If Ontari wins the conclave then it won’t be just my people at risk, it will be yours too.” She shakes her head, unable to understand how Indra can be so calm despite the looming threat. “It’s too much of a risk. We have to convince the Commander that she can’t step down.”

Indra grabs Octavia’s arm, pulling her hard and forcing her to sit on the ground beside the warrior.  “I said be still,” she demands. “En hod yu rein daun. If the Commander wishes to step down, then that is her choice. Like it or not, we must accept it.”  

The girl moves to stand but Indra places a hand on her shoulder, forcing her to stay and making her pout like a child. “But if Ontari,” she says and is promptly caught off by the agitated grounder.

“We will deal with Ontari if and when she becomes a problem. Until then, there is nothing we can do but accept that the Commander has made her choice and that it is final.” She stares at Octavia with commanding eyes, driving her words deeper and making it clear that she isn’t going to budge. “And don’t think I’m going to allow you to run off and do something stupid on your own and end up getting yourself killed.” Her gaze remains settled on the girl for a long time and Octavia lets out a deep sigh, leaning her head back and reluctantly accepting Indra’s demands.

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beja- please  
> En hod yu rein daun- and mind your place


	12. Chapter 12

Hannah Green catches Kane on her way into the cafeteria. Her son’s plea that she not run against Marcus echoing in her head and she does her best to silence the memory of his voice. She knows what she must do and she believes her son will come to understand and accept her decision. “I’d like to run against you for position as Chancellor,” she says to Kane without a second thought.

Marcus stares at her, momentarily shocked by the sudden declaration, and nods after a few seconds pass. “I’ll make an announcement.” He doesn’t say anything else before stepping around her and making his way out of the crowded cafeteria, hiding his disappointment and trying to refocus his mind on the chips he asked Abby to test. He runs into Jasper on his way to medical. “Jasper?” The boy seems out of it, not that that’s anything out of the ordinary lately. He stares at the ground, mumbling a halfhearted apology and clearly anxious to move on, irritation evident when Kane grabs his arm and pulls him back, forcing him to look up at the Chancellor, eyes sunken and bloodshot.

“Let me go,” he demands putting extra effort into not slurring his words.

Kane keeps his grip tight on Jasper’s arm. “Are you drunk,” he asks though he doesn’t need an answer and he suspects the boy will lie anyway.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Raven says limping up behind the Chancellor. She shakes her head as her eyes wander over Jasper. “I thought you were past this. Didn’t you learn your lesson last time?”

“Guess not,” Jasper mumbles rolling his eyes and wishing they would just let him go, allow him to wallow his own self pity without questioning or trying to help or fix him.

“I can take him,” Raven offers anxious to drag Jasper along and finally give him the swift kick in the ass he obviously needs. Kane considers it for a minute before finally letting Japer’s arm go and watches as the mechanic leads him off to who knows where, and as long as they don’t cause any trouble he doesn’t much care where.

The Chancellor takes a few more steps before he stops and turns back. “Raven,” he calls.

The mechanic stops and turns half way, eyeing Kane. “Yeah?”

“Sinclair was looking for you earlier.”

She nods. “Talked to him already. Thanks though.” She turns back and continues on, dragging Jasper along to the server room, where she knows she can talk to him privately. “What the hell is your deal,” she asks him when they get there.

Anger flashes on Jasper's face and he doesn’t bother trying to hold it back. “I lost someone I loved,” he practically spits at her.

Raven resists the urge to swing her balled fist at his face and break his nose. “We all have,” she says glaring at him. “Some of us have lost more than one person, people we’ve spent our lives with, people we’ve known for more than five seconds. And yet you don’t see anybody else walking around in a drunken stupor and wallowing in their own self pity rather than making themselves useful.” She gives the words a few seconds to sink in and when she sees the pain they cause she feels a little bad, though she knows the words needed to be said no matter how much they sting. “You need to pull yourself together, Jasper.”

The room is silent accept for the hum of the machines surrounding them. After a few seconds Jasper shakes his head. “I need to find Jaha.”

The mechanic wants to grab his shoulders and shake him violently, ask him again what’s wrong with him. “No, you don’t.” She knows what he wants from Jaha; a chip with the promise to take away any and all traces of pain. “Not unless you want to forget her completely.”

Jasper’s angry eyes become questioning and for a moment he forgets about his search for Jaha. “What?”

“The last time we were down here you apologized for losing Finn’s ashes. I wasn’t pissed at you because I couldn’t remember him.” She takes a deep breath and wonders if the booze can be blamed for the stupid and confused look on his face. “Jasper, the chip I took made me forget Finn, Jaha forgot Wells. That’s how Alie takes away the emotional pain, by erasing your memories of whatever is causing the pain both good and bad.”

Realization finally seems to hit and the confusion on Jasper’s face is replaced with shock and mild disappointment. “So if I want the pain from losing Maya to go away, then I have to be willing to give up all my memories of her?” Raven only nods in response and Jasper gives it all a second to sink in and then shrugs. “At least the pain will be gone.”

Raven can’t believe he’s still considering taking one of the chips even with the threat of losing Maya completely. She wonders if maybe it’s the booze interfering with his ability to think clearly. “Alie will hurt you, just like she hurt me, Jasper. You’ll be nothing more to her than a slave. In return for taking your pain away she’ll expect you to do her dirty work. And if you don’t then she’ll give all the pain she took away back, but it’ll be a hundred times worse than it was before she took it.” She remembers lying on a bed in medical, screaming and flailing as Lincoln and Kane held her down. She remembers Abby sticking a needle in her and injecting a sedative that felt like it took forever to take effect. The memory makes her shudder and she stares at Jasper, hoping that she’s getting through to him.

He must be able to see the pain brought on by the memory in her eyes because he finally nods his head and seems to understand. “Promise me you won’t go looking for Jaha, and that you won’t give in and take one of his chips.”

“I won’t”

“Promise me, Jasper.”

He’s silent for a few seconds, looks down at the floor and then back up at the mechanic. She’s just trying to protect him, keep him safe from the danger she’s already faced, he can see that. “I promise,” he says finally.

“And sober up. The booze isn’t going to help you either. All it does it make you stumble around snapping at everybody who’s just trying to help you.” They stare at one another for a moment and then he nods and turns to walk away.

 

*~*~*

 

Kane stands at the front of the cafeteria, prepared to announce to the others that Hannah Green has informed him that she wishes to run against him for Chancellor. The thought of one of Pike’s followers potentially taking over sets him on edge. He knows that if she’s elected then they’ll be back at square one, and he knows that this time it won’t be as simple as walking into the Chancellor’s office and pulling the trigger. He briefly glances at Lincoln who stands off to the side, shaking his head in disappointment, reminding Kane that he doesn’t approve of Kane’s refusal to deny anyone the ability to run against him. A deep sigh slips from between his lips as he looks away from the grounder and prepares to speak.

“If I could have your attention please,” he says doing his best to speak over the murmur of sky people as they eat their dinner. The murmur slowly fades and everybody turns their attention to Kane. “Thank you. Earlier today Hannah Green approached me and informed me that she would like to run against me for the position of Chancellor. So, before you leave this evening please come up here and place your vote on a piece of paper and then put it in this box,” he says and points to the small box on the table in front of him. “We’ll officially announce your new Chancellor tomorrow morning.” He doesn’t say anything else, too worried about the potential outcome of the election. Instead he simply walks away.

 

Monty finishes his dinner and makes his way to the front of the room. He looks down at the paper laid on the table in front of him, pen in hand. He shakes his head as he writes a name down and folds the paper, dropping it in the ballot box and then pushing through the crowd of people clogging the cafeteria waiting to do the same. When he reaches his room, he finds his mother waiting for him. “Did you vote yet,” she asks him.

“I asked you not to run against Kane. I asked you to trust me when I told you that things have changed and that running around slaughtering grounders isn’t the right way to survive here.” He stares at his mother, disappointment in his eyes.  

Hannah lets out a deep sigh. She’d hoped that Monty would understand and accept her choice to run for Chancellor, despite her son’s plea that she not. “Who did you vote for,” she asks him with a glimmer of hopeful anticipation in her eyes.

“I voted for Kane,” Monty says without a second thought about how his shameless confession might affect his mother.

The glimmer of hope in Hannah’s eyes fades and she stares at her son looking betrayed. “Monty, how could…”

Monty cuts his mother off, “how could I? Is that what you want to know?” He shakes his head. He feels just as betrayed by her from her clear lack of trust in him as he’s certain she feels knowing her own son wasn’t willing to vote for her. “No, mom, how could you,” there’s emphasis on the last word as it leaves his mouth and he lifts his gaze from the ground to meet her eyes.

 “I wish I could make you understand, Monty. I’m just trying to keep our people safe. Those people out there, they’re barbarians. I’ve seen the way they do things. They don’t understand peace, only war, and if we let them believe that we are weak and led by a coward, then they will kill us all the second they get the chance. It’s better if we step up and move to take them down first, gain the upper hand and show them that we are strong and can be just as ruthless when threatened.”

“They haven’t threatened us.”

“They attacked our people at Mount Weather at the very moment we were supposed to be joining in an alliance with them,” Hannah argues desperate to make her point.

“That was one faction and thanks to the Commander, they’re no longer a threat to us,” Monty retorts.

“What about the 300 soldiers the Commander sent to be stationed outside our camp. If we hadn’t taken them down, what do you think they would have done to us if they’d been given the chance?”

“They were sent to protect us in case of an attack from the Ice Nation. They weren’t there to hurt us and instead of taking a chance, instead of accepting that maybe the Commander really did want to protect us against a common enemy, we went out and slaughtered 300 innocent grounders.” He stops for a second, giving the words time to sink in. Then he continues, furious and on a roll now. “And as if that isn’t bad enough, after that we went to raid a village of grounders who’d never done a damn thing to us, intent on killing them if they were there when we got there. We were going to kill more innocent people. And we barely even questioned it when Pike sent us. Not only did we come close to stealing the lives of more innocent grounders, but it cost us two of our own.”

“It cost us two of our own because those so called innocent grounders set a trap for us,” Hannah says.

“They only set a trap because Octavia warned them that we were coming and that we would kill them if they stayed.” Monty looks back down at the ground, remembering Monroe and his anger toward Octavia, blaming the girl for the lives they lost at the village. He feels bad for it now that he knows she did the right thing. “If it weren’t for her, we’d have more innocent blood on our hands, as if we don’t have enough staining them already.” He lets out a deep sigh. “And those grounders had every right to defend themselves and their village against a group sky people who were blindly following a murderous leader.” He shakes his head, disgusted with himself for being a part of it all. “I made the mistake of trusting in Pike and following his lead. I won’t make that same mistake again, even if it is my own mother leading the way.” Monty looks back up at his mother, hoping he’s succeeded in making his point and it’s a relief to him when he sees that she finally actually seems to be taking everything he has said into consideration.

 

*~*~*

 

Aden stands before the Commander sitting in her throne waiting for him to explain why he has requested an audience with her. A question that he’s almost too afraid to ask lingers on the young boy’s lips. “Taim Heda na ban em geda op,” he asks finally, not the question he originally intended but one that gets his point across nonetheless. He stares at Lexa, waiting for an answer and when she only stares back at him in slight shock, he answers the question himself. “Tiam kom bilaik em keryon ste odon kom graun-de en ste ogud na gyon klin.” He tries hard to hide his disappointment as he watches the strong and dutiful woman he has come to admire. He half expects her to scold him for being so bold, and challenging a choice she has made.

Lexa is silent, considering what the boy has said. He’s right. No Commander has ever stepped down before; no Commander has left their position of power until death took the position from them. “Things change,” she says eventually hoping that Aden will understand.

The nightblood simply stares at the Commander for several seconds, and then nods in acceptance. Another question nags at him and he struggles to keep his curiosity from getting the better of him, daring only to push so far. “You love her,” he says, more a statement than a question.

The Commander knows Aden is talking about Clarke. He has seen them together, the way they interact, the way Lexa looks at the girl and she knows there’s no point in or reason to lie to the boy. She nods. “Very much,” she says as the door to the room slowly opens and the sky girl slips in. She looks up at Clarke with a smile and then turns back to Aden. “Leave us,” she requests gently, not a cold and hard command like it usually is. Aden bows and quickly turns to leave, two guards pulling the doors closed behind him.

“What was that about,” Clarke asks curious what the boy wanted.

Lexa shakes her head, “nothing important. He just… had a few questions.”

They sky girl nods, excepting the Commander’s answer as she moves to stand beside the throne. “You’re different with him than you are with the others, gentler and more patient. You care about him,” she observes.

The Commander nods, knowing that she needs hide nothing from Clarke, that she can’t hide anything from the girl even if she tired… even if she truly wanted to. “So do you,” she says. Lexa has seen the way Clarke looks at the boy, tenderly, like a mother looking at her child. The same look she imagines the sky girl has seen cross Lexa’s face when Aden is around, and Lexa wonders if perhaps part of the reason Clarke has grown to care for him is because she has seen that Lexa cares for him greatly. “In truth, I care for all the nightbloods,” the Commander confesses. “But Aden and I have grown close.”

“He sees you as more than just a teacher and Commander,” Clarke says though she’s certain Lexa is already aware of this.

Silence passes between them until Lexa takes a deep breath. “I’m changing the Conclave,” she says and almost laughs at Clarke’s startled expression. “You’re right to believe that the way it has been done in the past makes no sense. It’s stupid to sacrifice the lives of children who are supposed to be special. It’s stupid to sacrifice the lives of children at all,” she says looking at the ground briefly before looking back at Clarke.        The sky girl nods, pleased that Lexa is making another change for the better, but also aware that many of the grounders may not take kindly to it. She knows this is another change that Lexa is making at least partially to please the sky girl and Clarke knows that where ever Titus is watching over them from, he must be furious. “Thank you,” Clarke says and it comes out as little more than a whisper.

The Commander pulls the sky girl into her lap, an affectionate smile on her face. “No Clarke, thank you,” she says before kissing her softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taim Heda na ban em geda op- when does a Commander leave their post  
> Tiam kom bilaik em keryon ste odon kom graun-de en ste ogud na gyon klin- only when their spirit is done upon the Earth and ready to be passed on.


	13. Chapter 13

Emerson and Ontari reach the outskirts of Polis just as the sun starts to rise. They stick to the trees, careful to avoid grounder warriors wandering the woods and guarding the gates of the city. Ontari pops berries into her mouth, waiting for a couple squirrels to cook over a small fire, and watches Emerson pace anxiously back and forth. “Sit down and try to get some rest, you’re going to need it.” He shakes his head in response and murmurs something about not being tired. She knows he’s exhausted. He has to be, since they’ve spent the better part of the last day constantly walking. His eyes are sunken and he walks with a bit of a hunch. He needs food and he needs sleep, but Ontari doesn’t care enough to force him. She simply shrugs her shoulders, tears a piece of meat off an almost perfectly cooked squirrel and shoves it in her mouth. “Fine, but we can’t make our move until nightfall and your constant movement is going to draw attention to us and ruin our plan.”

He stops at the mention of a plan and stares at Ontari, confused and irritated. “Plan? What plan? We don’t have a God damn plan unless you’re keeping one from me.”

“I might tell you what I have in mind if you sit down.” She watches as he sucks in as much air as he can and lets it all out as a deep sigh and finally gives in, sitting against a nearby tree. “We’ll take down one of guards tonight before we sneak into the city. You can’t be wandering around wearing your mountain clothes so you’ll have to take the clothes from the guard.”

“What the hell is wrong with my own damn clothes,” Emerson interrupts the warrior.

“If we’re caught, your clothes will be a dead giveaway and they’ll kill you on sight. Now shut up and listen,” Ontari demands. “We won’t make our way into the city until it’s late enough that most will be asleep. First we take out the other nightbloods; kill them in their sleep. Then we move on to your sky girl and the Commander. In the morning, when they’ve found the bodies, I’ll take my place on the throne as the only remaining nightblood.” She smirks and even Emerson is a little disturbed by it.

“These nightbloods… they’re children,” he asks and Ontari nods in response. “We’re going to kill children in their sleep?” The thought makes him sick and he thinks of his own people, his brother, his own children killed on the mountain, irradiated leaving behind their severely burned and blistered bodies. The image almost makes him puke and when Ontari throws the stick with the other squirrel in his direction he shoves it away because he doesn’t think he could keep it down if he eats it. The memory is enough to convince him that he can go through with Ontari’s plan. He wants revenge and if he has to kill a few grounder brats to get it, then he’s willing kiss what tiny bit of morality he has goodbye.

“If you can’t handle it, then I’m more than capable handling it on my own, but then keep in mind that you serve no other purpose to me and once I no longer have use for you I will kill you.” Ontari rips into her squirrel with her teeth, tearing off what meat is left on the creature.

“I can handle it,” he says glaring up at the warrior angrily, letting her know that the obvious resentment she has for him is mutual.

 

*~*~*

 

Lexa sits on her throne, eyes wandering over each of her subjects that have managed to pack themselves into the room, making it feel even smaller than it is. Clarke stands at her side and the sky girl can sense that, despite how strong and brave Lexa has proved to be, she’s nervous about the announcement she’s about to make and the way her people will respond to it. She hesitantly places a reassuring hand over Lexa’s, unsure how the gesture will be received here in front of all these other grounders. She half expects the Commander to reject the show of affection and take her hand away. Instead, she turns her hand over and laces her fingers through Clarke’s and smiles up at her, glad that the girl she loves is there to stand at her side and support her. Lexa turns back to her people, ready to speak. “I’m sure that many of you have already heard that I intend to relinquish my role as Commander.” A few grounders, apparently ignorant of the news, begin to speak in disapproval of her decision. She holds up her other hand to silence them and they obey. “This decision is final. However, before I officially step down there is one final thing I would like to change.”

The room is silent as the grounders anxiously wait to hear what the Commander has in mind. Lexa’s eyes fall on Aden standing at the front of the crowd, as close as he can get. He nods to her, giving her his approval already aware of the change she intends to announce. “In the past, when a Commander’s spirit was done with the Earth and prepared to pass on to another, that spirit has chosen the new Commander through a fight to death until one nightblood is left standing. This must change. It is senseless to kill our children, especially those we see as being special.” She falls silent again, letting her words sink in and giving those in opposition a chance to voice their opinion. A few grounders quietly voice their disagreement, others nod in approval. “The nightbloods will still fight, but not to the death. The best fighter among the nightbloods will become the next Commander.” There is once again silence. Most of the grounders seem to approve the change. Those present who have raised nightbloods are visibly relieved that their child or children will not die in the process of finding a new Commander. The few who are still in disagreement with the change don’t dare voice their opposition or challenge the Commander.

Lexa stands, still holding Clarke’s hand, and nods letting her people know that they may leave. Each of them bows and the crowd of grounders quickly diminishes until only the Commander, Clarke, Indra, and Octavia remain. “Sound the horn and send out a few warriors to wait for Ontari,” the Commander says to Indra and the warrior nods and makes her way out of the room ordering Octavia to follow.

 

*~*~*

 

Kane once again stands at the front of the cafeteria, watching as his people quietly eat their breakfast and anxiously wait to hear the results of the election. He looks to Abby and Miller, the two of them standing at his side. “You’re certain you’ve got the right count,” he asks them.

The doctor lets out a deep sigh, anxious to get back to her work and sick of repeating herself. “Miller and I each counted the votes twice. We both go the same numbers. She won by three votes.” She’s quiet for a moment, studying his face, seeing the fear and disappointment. “I know you don’t like the outcome, Marcus. Neither do I, but you wanted to put it to a vote and now our people have spoken.”

“She’ll be no better than Pike was. We’ll be right back to where we were before…” he lets his eyes wander over those sitting nearby, wondering if they’re listening and reminding himself that he needs to chose his words carefully. “Before Pike was killed,” he continues, lowering his already quiet voice a little more. “How much longer do you think the Commander will allow us to senselessly slaughter her people before they go back to their old way; before they go back to jus drien jus daun? If we allow this to continue then eventually she will declare war against us and even with our guns, we don’t stand a chance against them.” He shakes his head and silently curses himself. “I made a mistake. I had too much confidence in our people. I thought without Pike in the way they would wake up and see that his way was wrong.”

Abby doesn’t know what to say; she doesn’t know how to comfort him, so she simply places a hand on his shoulder and gives him a reassuring smile. “We’ll figure it out,” she says and takes her leave, sick of politics for the day.

Kane watches her leave, does his best to avoid Lincoln’s disappointed stare, and turns to Miller, hoping maybe the boy has an encouraging word or two to offer, but he only nods and Kane knows he’s on his own. He clears his throat and takes a deep breath. “The votes from last night have been tallied,” he says and the murmur of the sky people quickly fades as they all turn their attention to him. “Your new Chancellor is Hannah…”

He’s cut off by a shout from the back of the room, “stop!” Hannah quickly makes her way toward Kane, looking to make an announcement of her own. “I know those of you who voted for me will be upset by this, but I’ve talked to my son a few times over the last few days and after giving what he told me some though, I’ve realized that he’s right. He asked me not to run against Kane. He knew that if I became your new Chancellor I would lead us down the same path Pike was leading us. I know some of you… many of you think that Pike had the right idea, and so did I. But Monty made me realize that we have a chance at peace with these people. We lose that chance if we continue to slaughter them without just cause.” A few people voice their opposition to Hannah’s words but she quickly silences them. “I know that they threatened us and our children in the past and I know many of us took the 300 grounders stationed outside our camp as a threat. Monty has convinced me that those grounders outside our camp really were there to protect us from a faction of grounders who were a threat, a faction I have been assured is no longer a threat to us. We killed 300 innocent human beings as they slept.” She falls silent for a moment, sadness in her eyes. “We committed genocide and we almost killed more innocent grounders when Pike sent a small group of us to raid a nearby village. When we first got here, invaded their land, we saw them as savages when they saw us as a threat and did what they felt was necessary to survive. Things changed and the Commander showed that she was willing to work with us, willing to allow us to become a part of her coalition, to become the thirteenth clan. Pike turned that offer down and we became the savages.”

She falls quiet again, giving her words a few seconds to sink in. This time, nobody speaks out in opposition and she’s confident that she’s managed to get through to those who still believed in Pike’s methods, just as her son managed to get through to her. “Before we voted to have Pike take his place as Chancellor, Kane was doing his best to acquire peace with the grounders. I feel that it is in our best interest to allow Kane to once again take the position of Chancellor so that our peace with the grounders may continue. Marcus Kane is officially your new Chancellor.”

A few of the sky people clap, most remain silent, satisfied but still stricken by Hannah’s words. Kane stares at her, mildly shocked and unsure how to respond. “Thank you,” he says after a few seconds as relief replaces the shock.

Hannah nods. “Don’t let us down,” she says before she walks away.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jus drien jus daun- blood must have blood


	14. Chapter 14

“Someone’s coming,” Emerson says ceasing his incessant pacing. Ontari’s asked him to stop at least a hundred times since he started again. He’s at a point now where he’s not only doing it because he’s anxious, but also because he knows it irritates her. He knows it’s a dangerous game he’s playing, intentionally pissing her off, but it amuses him. The sound of approaching footsteps finally makes him stop, losing the enjoyment he gained from it. Emerson knows that if they’re caught, he’ll lose his chance to get his hands around Clarke Griffin’s throat.

“I told you your constant movement was going to get us caught,” Ontari spits through clenched teeth. She grabs her dagger and pushes herself up from the ground, ready to fight if she has to. “Get ready. If it’s warriors or guards from Polis there will be more than one.”

Emerson nods, draws his own knife. His mind races and he looks around frantically. He can’t get caught and he can’t get killed, at least not until he’s satisfied his thirst for revenge. His eyes fall on Ontari for a moment and he almost apologizes, but then he realizes there’s no point in saying sorry if he doesn’t really mean it. “You’re on your own,” he says instead and then takes off in search of a decent place to hide.

“Coward,” she spits at his back, watching him run. She focuses her attention back on the sound of footsteps and looks around, eyes falling on two grounder warriors approaching her slowly. “Stay back, or I will kill you.” They hold their hands up and continue to approach her slowly. She doesn’t hear the third grounder warrior sneaking up behind her and only manages to stick her dagger into one of the other two before they grab her, holding her tight.

“You’re coming with us, back to Polis,” one tells her. Anger flares in her eyes and she tries to fight back against their grip on her. The one she stabbed pulls the dagger from his torso and throws it aside. He stares at her for a moment and she can see in his own eyes that he’s just as angry as she is.

The horn that typically indicates the death of a Commander sounds and for a moment, Ontari’s anger fades and a smirk works its way across her lips. “That’s too bad,” she says. “I was looking forward to killing Lexa myself.” The stabbed grounder’s anger grows and a hard fist hits Ontari in the stomach and then the face, knocking her unconscious while the warriors drag her to the city.

 

*~*~*

 

Indra throws Ontari to her knees in front of the Commander. The girl’s eyes wander from the floor up to Lexa and she stares at her for a few seconds, a smirk on her face though she's mildly shocked to see the Commander is still alive. She spits at the Commander’s feet after a moment. “Murderer,” she mumbles and Indra steps in front of her, slapping the girl with the back of her hand.

“Shof op! Hod yu rein daun!”

Ontari glares as Indra, eager for a chance to rip the woman’s throat open. “Soon, her place will be mine.” She looks back at Lexa again, the smirk returning to her lips despite another slap from the warrior.

“Pleni, Indra,” Lexa says as she quickly rises from her throne. She can see the thirst for blood in both their eyes. “Where did you find her?”

“She was in the woods outside the city.” Indra scowls at Ontari as she speaks. “I believe it was her plan to sneak into the city after nightfall, no doubt to kill you and the nightbloods and declare herself Commander.

“I heard the horn. I thought somebody had saved me the effort of killing you. I guess the pleasure is still mine,” Ontari interjects and Indra slaps her once more.

Lexa is silent for several seconds, resisting the urge let her own hand or fist swipe across her bruised and reddened face. “I’m stepping down. And the conclave has changed, Ontari. No nightbloods will die.” There’s shock on Ontari’s face and she parts her lips to speak but no words come out. “Lock her up until the conclave. Until then, she can’t be trusted.”

Indra nods and forces the girl back to her feet and drags her toward the door. “I wasn’t alone,” Ontari calls out before the doors can be closed behind them. Her eyes fall on Clarke as the sky girl passes them, headed into the throne room. They stare at each other for a moment, Ontari smirking again. “I was with an old friend of the skai bitch. A man from the mountain.”

Clarke takes a deep breath, taken aback by Ontari’s words. “Emerson,” she whispers. The thought of him being back again sets her on edge and she only finds comfort when she feels Lexa’s fingers slip between her own.

“Take her away, now! And find Emerson, kill him on sight,” the Commander demands and Indra immediately complies, dragging Ontari along once more. Lexa pulls Clarke into the throne room, ordering the guards in the hall to close the doors and not let anyone else enter without her permission. “We’ll find him,” she tells Clarke and pulls her into a tight embrace.

“He wants me dead and he won’t stop until he gets what he wants.” She fights back against the tears that sting her eyes. “Maybe I deserve it after what I did.”

Lexa pushes her away and looks deep into the sky girl’s blue eyes. “Don’t you dare say that. You did what you had to do to protect your people… to protect our people. You did the right thing.” Her gaze falls to the floor and after a few seconds she walks away, slumps back into her throne, once again feeling guilty for leaving Clarke at the mountain. “I should have been there,” she says still looking at the floor, feeling too ashamed to look into the eyes of the girl she loves. “I should have pulled that lever for you, or at least with you, instead of leaving you to carry that burden on your own.”

Clarke moves toward Lexa and collapses on her knees in front of her, reaching up and lifting the Commander’s chin so their eyes meet. “I forgive you,” she says and presses her lips against Lexa’s. She gets up to her feet, pulling Lexa up with her, lips trailing along her neck and fingers along the tight fabric covering the Commander’s body. She slowly sinks back to her knees, looking up at Lexa, skin hot and body aching, eyes pleading and wet with desire.

 

*~*~*

 

Abby looks over the results of the tests she ran on Jaha’s chips. She shakes her head and looks up at Kane. “There’s nothing, at least nothing chemical or biological. It’s like… some sort of computerized chip. There isn’t anything I can do with them.” She hands the bag full of chips over to Kane along with the sheets of paper scribbled with her notes and the test results. “Maybe have Raven and Monty take a look at them,” she suggests.

Kane nods and takes the bag, looks over the results real quick before handing them back, unable to make sense of the medical and technical terminology. “I’ll take them to Raven now. Hopefully she’ll find something to tell us what the hell these things are and whether or not we should be worried about them”

“We don’t need to run tests to find out exactly what they are and how they work to know that they’re dangerous, Marcus. You saw what happened to Raven, what those chips and that AI bitch they see did to her. Whatever it is, it’s trying to control them and hurts them if they don’t do what it wants.”

The Chancellor pockets the bag and quietly thinks for a minute. “Why not just get rid of them then? No point in tying Raven up running tests of her own if we already know they’re a problem.”

Abby gives his words some consideration and then shakes her head. “It won’t be that easy. Jaha already has a hoard of chipped followers. I doubt all, if any, of them are going to be willing to let me cut into the back of their neck to take out their chips. Most of them are too far gone to listen to reason. They’re lost to Alie’s control because she’s given them happiness and peace. She’s given them a way to escape their pain. That’s all they’ll understand because that’s all they want to understand.” She takes a deep breath before she continues. “We need to know exactly what these things are and how to destroy them. If anybody can do that, it’s Raven.” Kane only nods in agreement, knowing Abby is right, and turns to leave.

 

*~*~*

 

Emerson waits until the sun sets before he starts making his way back toward the city. He remembers Ontari’s plan: lure a guard away, kill them, take their clothes, sneak into the city while the people of Polis sleep. He takes a deep breath before he sets the plan in motion, making just enough noise near the city gates to prompt one of the two guards to investigate. When the time is right, he leaps out of the darkness, grabs the guard from behind and drags his dagger clean across the grounders throat.

He sits beside the guard, listening to the gurgling sound he makes as blood spills from the severed artery, waiting for the grounder’s final breath to pass. It only takes a few seconds but to Emerson it feels like a lifetime. He anxiously tears the clothes from the grounder’s body, strips out of his own clothes and manages, with some difficulty, to dress himself in the guard’s leather and furs. He takes the grounder’s weapon and, taking a deep breath, begins making his way toward the gate.

It isn’t until the other guard spots him and says something in a language he can’t understand that he realizes he didn’t think this whole thing through. It would have been a breeze with Ontari there to do the talking for him. The guard says something else, and Emerson can hear agitation in his voice, can tell that the grounder knows something isn’t right. Emerson closes his hand around his dagger, draws it quickly and plunges it into the guard’s stomach. The feeling of blood running between his fingers gives him a rush and he pulls the dagger from the grounder’s flesh and stabs him again, repeating the cycle until the guard’s body goes limp and Emerson is sure he’s dead. He pushes the body aside and cleans the blade of his dagger on the grounder’s clothes before pushing open the gates of Polis and slipping inside.

The mountain man practically runs toward the tower at the center of the city and almost gives himself away when another grounder shouts something behind him, again in the language he can’t understand. More grounders emerge from their homes and a warrior rushes past him, toward the same tower. “One of the guards is dead and the other is missing. The gates were open,” the warrior says breathlessly to an angry looking woman who meets him at the door to the tower.

“I’ll alert the Commander. Search the city, find the intruder and kill him,” Indra demands before disappearing back into the building. The warrior once again rushes past him, shouting demands at others. Emerson takes another deep breath, swallowing the air and pushing his way into the tower, sticking to the shadows.

 

*~*~*

 

Ontari is amused by the sudden commotion, the guards rushing in and out of the dungeon, the shouting she can hear bleeding through the walls. She knows it’s Emerson and she knows things would have been quieter if she were with him. “I have something to tell the Commander,” she calls out to one of the guards who stays and continues watching over her. She knows if Emerson is to succeed, he’ll need Lexa out of the way and she doesn’t know why she’s bothering to help him after he deserted her in the woods, but she does it anyway perhaps out of spite, knowing that it will destroy Lexa when she finds her lover dead or missing.

“Not now,” the guard says to her.

“It’s about the mountain man. I know where he is. If she doesn’t come now than she’s losses her chance at gaining information I’m sure she wants.” The guard grumbles something she can’t quite make out and stalks off, leaving her alone to wait in her cell.

 

 

 

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shof op- shut up/ be quiet   
> Hod yu rein daun- mind your place  
> Pleni- enough


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you all for the kudos and the reviews. It means a lot to me and encourages me to keep pushing forward even when I start to feel a bit of writer's block setting in. I'm so glad you're all enjoying the story so far :).

Lexa can hear the commotion, the noise seeping in through the open window of her room, before Indra knocks at her door. She manages to tear herself away from the passionate kiss she shares with Clarke and quickly pulls her clothes on. “Stay here,” she says looking at the Sky girl and she can see the fear in her lover’s eyes. “It’ll be okay.” Lexa places a hand against Clarke’s cheek and gives her one last kiss and a reassuring smile before making her way toward the door. She leaves the room, leading Indra away as the warrior explains the cause of the commotion to her.

“A gate guard is missing and the other is dead. The body was found when a warrior noticed the gate was open.”

The Commander’s thoughts immediately wander to Ontari and her warning that she wasn’t alone, that Emerson was with her. Both she and Indra are caught off guard when the guard who’s supposed to be watching Ontari practically barrels into them. “Ontari says she has information to share with you about the mountain man.”

Lexa looks to Indra and the warrior can see the clear mixture of anger and concern in the Commander’s green eyes. “Stay with Clarke,” she demands and Indra nods returning to Lexa’s room to stand guard outside the door. Lexa quickly makes her way to Ontari’s cell, taking the keys from the guard close behind her and unlocking the cell herself. “What do you know about Carl Emerson,” she says glaring at Ontari. She fights with every fiber of her being to resist the urge to clasp her hand around Ontari’s throat and force her back against the wall, demand answers to her questions with physical force rather than just wasting her breath and energy shouting at the girl.

Ontari remains silent, a smirk on her face and her eyes looking past the Commander. Lexa draws her sword and pushes the tip of the blade against the girl’s throat, drawing a single drop of blood. “What do you know,” she demands again and when Ontari still says nothing she presses the tip of the sword harder against the girl’s throat, drawing more blood. “Answer me or I will have your head on a pike!”

The smirk on Ontari’s face widens and she slowly lifts a hand to push the Commander’s sword away from her throat. “You think I’m scared of you?” She shakes her head and laughs quietly.

Lexa gives in and grabs Ontari by the throat, squeezing as she slams the girl’s back against the wall. Their faces are inches apart and the Commander’s eyes bore into Ontari’s as she speaks through clenched teeth. “Stop wasting my time!”

“He’s already here,” Ontari says finally, forcing the words out as she struggles for air.

Lexa keeps her grip on Ontari’s throat for a few more seconds before finally letting go. She slides her sword back into its sheath at her side and makes her way out of the cell, slamming the door behind her and throwing the keys at the guard. She practically runs back to her room.

 

*~*~*

 

Emerson follows the female warrior through the tower, up winding sets of stairs. He keeps himself hidden in the shadows when they reach a room and Indra knocks at the door. He listens as they speak and watches as they walk away, still listening when the prison guard stops them. He fights back against his own agitation when he over hears the Commander send Indra back to guard the door to her room. He knows then that Clarke must be in there, and that now he has another obstacle to overcome to get to her, and he suspects not much time to do it.

He silently makes his way forward, dagger ready, and lets out a quiet sigh of relief when the door flies open and Indra turns and fights to keep Clarke in the room. He knows it’s the only chance he’s going to get and he takes it, running forward and shoving the dagger into the warrior’s back. He expects it to be enough to bring Indra down, but it isn’t and she turns, ready to fight, as Clarke sinks back into the perceived safety of the Commander’s room.

Emerson acts quickly, stabbing Indra again, this time landing the knife in her side. When he draw it back to stab again, she fight back against the pain ripping through her body and tears the dagger from his hand, tossing it aside before swing at him with tightly clenched fists. He dodges her blows, impatiently waiting for blood loss to win her over.

He picks the dagger up off the floor and pushes his way into the room when Indra finally sinks to her knees, clutching at the wound in her side and swearing at Emerson. Clarke waits for him, sword in hand, and he almost laughs certain it won’t take much to overpower the girl. He runs at her, dodging the only swing she manages to take at him before he pulls the sword from her hands and wraps her in a tight hold, dagger to her throat. “Come with me peacefully or I’ll slit your throat right here and leave the bloody mess for your girlfriend to find when she gets back,” he says pressing his lips close to her ear. The threat is enough to make Clarke comply and the two walk effortlessly down the winding stairs of the tower, through the city, and out into the woods.

 

*~*~*

 

Octavia wakes to the noise from outside. She rubs at her eyes and wonders what it is that exhaustion has caused her to miss. She looks over at the bed at the other side of the small hut she and Indra share and finds it empty.  Panic grips her and she grabs her sword, runs toward the tower and makes her way toward the throne room first and then Lexa’s room when she finds the throne room empty.

She finds Indra outside the empty room, once again barely hanging on to life. Fast footsteps sound behind her and she turns, ready to fight, to find Lexa headed her direction. The Commander’s eyes fall on the open door, the empty room, and then on the bleeding warrior crumbled on the ground. “Find a healer,” she says to Octavia without a second thought and the girl nods and runs off.

Lexa kneels beside Indra, pulling the warrior into her and covering the wound on her back with one hand, the wound on her abdomen with the other, desperate to gain some control over the bleeding. “It was the mountain man,” Indra manages to say. “He took her.” She takes a weak breath and forces more words out. “He told her, if she didn’t go with him, he’d slit her throat and leave her for you to find.”

Anger consumes Lexa and she fights to hold back tears, clenching her jaw. She leaves Indra to be taken care of by the healer that Octavia quickly returns with. “Come with me,” she says to Octavia. The girl hesitates, eyes lingering on her bleeding mentor. “She’ll be fine,” Lexa says.

Indra looks up at Octavia, touched by the young warrior’s concern for her, though she doesn’t show it. She nods to Octavia, giving her the silent command to follow Lexa’s orders. Octavia reluctantly complies, following close behind the Commander. “Bring the prisoner to the throne room,” Lexa says after grabbing a nearby warrior and pulling him aside. The warrior nods and hurries along to carry out the order.

“What’s going on,” Octavia asks when they reach the throne room where they wait for Ontari. She can see anger and fear in Lexa’s eyes and it worries her.

“Carl Emerson got into the city. He took Clarke and intends to kill her.” The words makes Lexa even more upset as they leave her own mouth and she holds back a sob that rises in her throat. Tears prickle at her eyes and wants desperately to let them fall but knows that now is not the time.

The warrior Lexa sent to get Ontari returns a few minutes later, pushing the prisoner in front of him. The Commander glares at the girl forced to her knees in front of her. “Where is she,” the Commander demands. “Where did he take her?” Ontari says nothing, only looks up at Lexa with a grin that the Commander has grown sick of seeing and wants desperately to cut from her face. Her hand rests on the hilt of her sword, daring Ontari to give her a reason to use it. “Tell me or I will end you!”

“You’ll end me whether I tell you or not. And I can’t tell you where she is because I don’t know where he took her. Our plan was to sneak in together so I could kill you and the brats and he could kill her. That changed when your warriors captured me. How should I know what his plans changed to while I was locked up here?”

The Commander’s grip on her sword tightens. She knows Ontari’s telling the truth, that the girl has no idea where Emerson intends to drag Clarke off to. Without that information, she’s useless to Lexa and has committed enough offenses to justify her execution. But this execution won’t be carried out in front of the other grounders. Ontari’s death won’t come by a thousand cuts.

“Heda, ai ste, daun teik ai frag em op,” the warrior pleads, his own sword already drawn and blade resting against Ontari’s neck.

“Nou. Dison laik ain,” Lexa says drawing her sword. “Ontari Kom Azgeda, yu gonplei ste odon.” The Commander plunges the blade into Ontari’s chest and watches as the girl’s smile fades and her last breaths slip from between her lips. Lexa stares at the lifeless body for several seconds before she pulls the sword from Ontari’s chest, wipes from the blood from the blade onto the girl’s shirt and slips it back into its sheath. “Let the others know that the conclave will be postponed and prepare two horses for Octavia and me. We leave now for the Skaikru camp to let the rest of Skaikru know she’s been taken and to ask for their help in finding her. Gather a search party and send them to look for her, make sure they understand what the consequences will be if she is in any way harmed,” Lexa orders eyes shifting between the warrior and Octavia.

“Sha, Heda,” the warrior says with a nod and once again leaves to fulfill his orders, leaving Octavia with the Commander.

Octavia stares at the Commander, shocked by the news of Clarke’s kidnapping and all the events that have so quickly unfolded right in front of her. For once, the girl actually feels bad and her heartbreaks for Lexa when the Commander finally gives in and lets the tears she been holding back fall. “Yu laik gona, ste yuj. Osir don hon op em,” she says and rests a hand on Lexa’s shoulder in an attempt to offer her a little comfort.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heda, ai ste, daun teik ai frag em op- Commander, I beg you, let me kill her  
> Nou. Dison laik ain- no, this one is mine  
> yu gonplei ste odon- your fight is over  
> Sha- yes  
> Yu laik gona, ste yuj- you are a warrior, stay strong  
> Osir don hon op em- we will find her


	16. Chapter 16

Abby runs her thumb over Raven’s lips before she presses her own against them. Her fingers tracing patterns along the mechanic’s skin: spirals and hearts and three little words. The smile on Raven’s lips widens with every touch and she silently wishes for this moment between them to last the rest of their lives.

The same three words that Abby traces with her finger on Raven’s skin linger on her lips, but she’s too afraid to speak them, too afraid that if she lets them slip out they’ll only serve to scare the younger woman away. She tries to remember the last time something like this scared her this much. “What is it,” Raven asks with concern when she sees the look on the doctor’s face that tells her that she’s fighting internally with something.

Abby almost says the words, almost lets them slip between her lips, but she stops herself and shakes her head instead. “It’s nothing.”

“Tell me,” Raven begs caressing the doctor’s check and kissing her gently. “Please.”

“Raven I…” she stops and takes a deep breath before she continues, telling herself there’s no need to be scared and pushing herself to just speak the words. “I love you.”

The mechanic stares at Abby in silence for several seconds, the words sinking in, before she pulls the doctor into her and presses hard, fervent kisses against Abby’s lips and moves to give her the same satisfaction that that Abby has already given her.

They’re interrupted when the door to Abby’s room flies open and Kane steps in. Abby pulls the sheet of her bed up to cover her chest and does her best to shield Raven’s body with her own. “What the hell, Marcus? What happened to knocking first?”

Kane immediately casts his gaze at the floor, instantly regretting his decision not to knock. “I’m sorry,” he says. “But the Commander is here. She says Clarke has been taken by Carl Emerson.” He looks up, his fear filled and apologetic eyes meeting Abby’s. She stares back at him, fear and shock setting in. He nods after a few seconds and leaves, closing the door behind him.

The doctor throws the sheet from her body once he’s gone and quickly pulls her clothes on. She stops for a moment when her eyes fall on Raven and she notices that the girl is still lying in the bed looking shocked and a little lost, eyes growing wet with tears that Abby doesn’t think the mechanic even knows are about to fall. “Raven,” she says putting a hand on the girl’s cheek. “Come on, babe.” She takes Raven’s hands into her own, gently pulls her out of the bed, and helps the mechanic get dressed.

 

Lexa waits for Abby outside the Ark, pacing back and forth, anxious to get back out into the woods and search for Clarke. She wants to find her, before Emerson has a chance to hurt her worse than he already may have; before he has a chance to kill her, if he hasn’t already. She stops mid step when Abby emerges from the grounded ship, Raven and Kane at her side. “We have to find her,” is all she manages to say and the doctor nods in agreement.

“How long ago was she taken,” the doctor asks looking up at the sun, determining that it must be around noon. She quietly prays to whatever Gods care enough to listen that too much time hasn’t passed, but she knows that a sickening amount of time must have already passed between the time her daughter was taken and now, at least enough time for Lexa to make the trip from Polis.

“Late last night,” Lexa answers. “He killed the gate guards. I suspect he may have stolen the clothes from one of them so he could go through the city undetected. He nearly killed my best warrior before he took Clarke.” She once again finds herself fighting tears, struggling to keep a strong and composed exterior. “He wants to kill her. Indra said he threatened to leave her in my room for me to find if she didn’t go with him willingly.” Her gaze falls to the ground and she takes a deep breath, letting the air slip from between her lips slowly. “We have to find her,” the Commander repeats, desperate.

“I’ll put together a search party. We’ll leave shortly,” Kane says. “Lexa… Commander, you’ll join us. Abby,” he says turning to the doctor. He puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You should wait here, be ready in case she needs medical attention if…” he stops when he sees the way the word impacts both Abby and the Commander, the fear that fills their eyes at the suggestion that there’s a chance they may not return with Clarke. “When,” he corrects himself, “when we bring her back.” The small change in words seems to bring the two women little comfort and he walks away from them to get the search party together, unsure what else to do or say, and knowing that they can’t afford to waste any more time talking.

 

*~*~*

 

Emerson drags the exhausted sky girl along with him. “Just kill me,” she begs. She knows it’s what he wants and though she knows that if he does kill her, it will tear Lexa, and her mother, and maybe a few of her friends apart, she isn’t sure how much longer she can continue to go on like this. She hates herself for it, hates herself for wanting it to be over despite the affect her death will have on those who care about her, but she’s growing sick and weary of being dragged along and tossed around by Emerson and she’s in desperate need of some sleep.

The mountain man stops for a moment, turns to face Clarke and shakes his head. “Kill you now? You would like that wouldn’t you? You would love for me to just put an end to all your suffering right now.” His stomach grumbles and he wonders if they should stop, at least for a little while. He ties the other end of the rope binding the sky girl’s wrists to a nearby tree. “I want you to suffer, just like you made me suffer. I want you to feel as much pain as I felt. And not only do I want you to suffer, I want your friends to suffer too. I’m going to wear you down, tear away at your flesh until there’s almost nothing left. Then I’ll leave you to stumble back to them so you can die in their arms.”

“Why bring them pain when I’m the one who caused you yours. My friends have done nothing to you. Don’t use me to destroy them when they’ve done nothing wrong.”

Emerson shakes his head again. “I know you didn’t pull that lever alone. Somebody in that camp of yours pulled it with you and I want them to suffer just as much as you.”

“Bellamy is dead. He’s the one who pulled the lever with me. The two of us killed your people. He’s gone, I’m the only one left so just kill me and let the rest of my people live in peace.”

“No,” Emerson says. He scowls at her until his stomach growls again and then leaves her behind in search of food.

Clarke tugs at the rope, trying to untie herself from the tree. Emerson’s words replay in her head. He wants her people to watch her die, so she knows he must be taking her back toward the Ark. She wonders how far it is from wherever they are now.

Emerson returns a few minutes later with a couple fish and catches her struggling to free herself. He drops the fish and pulls her away from the tree and slaps her in the face. “Try that again and I started stabbing,” he says taking at his dagger and waving it in her face. His eyes bore into her for a few seconds before he sits on the ground and starts working on a fire to cook his fish.

It isn’t long before Emerson is throwing dirt on his small fire to put it out and is ready to move again. Clarke isn’t surprised he scarfed down both of the fish himself. She’s certain that denying her any sustenance is likely part of his way of making her suffer. She longs for sleep but she’s positive that won’t be allowed either. “Can’t we rest for a little while,” she pleads as he starts to untie the rope from around the tree.

“You can rest when you’re dead,” he says bitterly and begins dragging her along again.

Clarke struggles to stay on her feet behind Emerson. She knows they must be near a river for him to have gone and returned with fish so quickly. She wonders if she might be able to muster enough strength to fight back against him, cause enough damage to disable him long enough for her to make a run for it and follow the water back to the Ark. She plants her feet firmly on the ground, refusing to be dragged any further.

Emerson turns and glares at her. “Let’s go,” he demands and Clarke shakes her head. He tugs at the rope and she stumbles forward a few feet before stopping again.

“Kill me or let me go,” Clarke demands. “Otherwise I don’t move another inch.”

He yanks at the rope again, making the sky girl stumble forward and this time land on her knees. He draws his dagger and shoves the tip against Clarke’s throat. “Get up and move!”

Clarke stares into his eyes for a minute before she hits him in the face with her bound wrists and knocks the dagger out of his hands. When he reaches to pick the weapon up she quickly gets to her feet and kicks him hard in the groin, sending him down onto his own knees. She takes her chance to make a break for it, running as fast as her tired feet will carry her.

Just when she thinks she has finally escaped, gotten far enough away to slow down and take a breath or two, she hears heavy footstep fast approaching behind her and she looks back to find Emerson running in her direction. She turns and manages to take a few more steps before Emerson catches up to her. He grabs her shoulder and spins her around, pulling her into the dagger he holds at his side.

The blade cuts through her skin and she can take the pain until he twists, tearing through more skin and muscle. She cries out in pain, fights to be free of the tight grasp he has on her shoulder. He stabs her again in response to her struggle, sending another wave of pain coursing through her abdomen and making her want to puke. When he pulls the knife out after the second stab, her hands fly to the two wounds, side by side on her stomach. She stares up at Emerson for a moment, her eyes begging to know why even though she already knows the answer.

“Go,” he says to her. “Go run back to your people so they can watch the life bleed from you.”

Clarke complies, turning and once again running as fast as she can, despite the pain it causes. Her legs grow weak as more blood spills between her fingers, but she doesn’t stop. She keeps pushing herself forward, fighting to stay alive, fighting to reach the Ark. Relief washes over her when her eyes finally fall on the gates to the camp and the crowd of sky people gathering outside them, Lexa at the front.

The sky girl stumbles into Lexa’s waiting arms outside the camp. The Commander’s eyes fall onto Clarke’s blood caked hands and her blood soaked, torn shirt and she pulls it up just enough to find the wounds on the sky girl’s abdomen. “You’re hurt,” she says. Fear grips her and makes her stomach turn as she realizes just how bad it is. She lifts the girl into her arms and quickly carries her into the camp, heading for Abby and Raven in medical.

Abby rushes to their side when she realizes her daughter has been hurt. “What the hell happened,” the doctor demands eyes shifting to the Commander as Lexa sets Clarke on a bed. “I went out to join the search party, as soon as I stepped outside the gates I saw her headed toward me like this.” She fights back tears, afraid of how this might end. “Is she going to be okay,” she begs to know.

“She’s lost a lot of blood,” Abby says trying to get control of the still bleeding wounds and fighting back tears of her own.

“Mom,” Clarke whispers struggling to stay awake and breaths growing weak.

“I’m here baby.” The doctor clutches her daughter’s hand in one of her own. “Stay with me.”

Raven acts as fast as she can, grabbing gauze and bandages and carrying them to the bed, anxious to help in any way she can. “What can I do?”

Abby lifts her bloodied hand away from the wounds, doing her best to inspect it and praying that no vital organs were damaged. “Keep the cloths pressed to the wounds. We have to stop the bleeding and she’s going to need a transfusion.” She leaves Raven to fight the bleeding while she searches desperately for a blood bag to hook up quickly. When she finds a bag of O- she hooks it up as fast as she can. “It won’t be enough.”

“Take mine,” Lexa offers without a second thought.

“Do you know your type?”

The Commander shakes her head. “No, but you can find out right? Take my blood and give it to her if you can.” Her eyes are pleading and still full of fear.

Abby nods, working fast. She directs Lexa to sit in a nearby chair before sticking a needle in her arm and filling a few vials with test blood and then connecting a bag. She freezes when she notices the liquid in the vials is black. She holds the vials up to Lexa, eyes questioning.

“It’s nightblood, the blood of the Commanders.” She struggles with a way to quickly explain what she can to the doctor and offers her reassuring words in hopes it will satisfy the doctor’s curiosity, at least until they have more time. “It won’t harm her. It… makes us special.”

The doctor nods and turns away, no time to worry about it now. “Raven, how’s the bleeding,” she asks as she sets up and runs the test on Lexa’s blood.

Raven pulls the gauze away for a second. “It looks like it’s slowing down.”

Abby lets out a sigh of relief. It takes a few minutes to get the results on the Commander’s blood type, but she’s even more relieved when it comes back as a match. She takes the needle from Lexa’s arm, replacing it with a bandage that she lays over the small hole before preparing the bag of black blood to replace the already almost empty bag hooked up to replace the blood that her daughter has lost. “I don’t think any organs were damaged, but I want to get a scan to make sure,” the doctor says to no one in particular. She takes Raven’s hand into her own, lifting it away along with the gauze she holds to Clarke’s wound, seeing for herself that by some miracle the bleeding seems to have slowed down significantly.

Lexa pushes her chair beside the bed and collapses back into it, exhausted and desperately wishing there was something else she could do to help. She looks at the sky girl, watching as Clarke’s eyes flutter closed, too drained to keep fighting to hold them open.

 

               


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anybody is interested, I wrote the first two sections of this chapter while listening to Radiohead's "How to Disappear Completely."

Abby looks over the x-ray and CT scans satisfied and relieved that none of Clarke’s internal organs have been damaged. “It’ll take her some time to heal, but she’ll be fine,” the doctor says turning to Lexa who anxiously waits for whatever news Abby has about the sky girl’s condition. Relief visibly washes over the Commander and a slight smile creeps across her weary face for the first time since Clarke went missing the night before. She reaches for the sky girl’s nearest hand, taking it into her own and squeezing gently. A few tears manage to slip from her eyes before she can catch them. “We’ll give you some time alone with her, but she needs rest so don’t keep her up too long,” Abby requests. “And you could use some rest yourself,” she adds before turning to Raven, taking the mechanic’s hand and leading the way out of the room.

“Clarke,” Lexa says not sure if the girl is awake or asleep.

The sky girl turns her head to look at the girl at her side, struggling to keep her eyes open. “Yeah,” she says  squeezing Lexa’s hand back as hard as she can with her diminished strength.

“I almost lost you.”

“Almost,” Clarke agrees. “But I’m still here.”

Lexa nods. “Bida gonplei ste kik raun ona yu,” she says with a tired smile.

The words prompt a slight smile from Clarke as she quickly translates the words in her head. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” she offers.

The Commander once again nods. “Emerson did this to you,” she says and it’s half question half statement.

Clarke hesitates, knowing the second she confirms that it was the mountain man, Lexa will want to rush out in search of revenge. “Yes,” she reluctantly confesses. She can see the anger that flares in the Commander’s eyes and squeezes her hand with what little strength she manages to muster.  “Stay with me?”

More tears well in Lexa’s eyes and she fights hard to hold them back. “Ai nou na teik yu bants nowe. Rest now,” she commands softly. Her anger slowly fades, knowing that Clarke needs her here for now, not off seeking vengeance.

A satisfied smile plays across Clarke’s lips as she closes her eyes, longing for sleep and eager to heal and regain her strength. The sooner she gets better, the sooner she can get back out there and put Emerson in the ground, if Lexa doesn’t get to him first.

 

*~*~*

 

Raven kneels on the floor in front of Abby looking up at the doctor sitting on the edge of her bed, letting tears that she’s been holding back for too long stream down her face. “I could have lost her,” she says.

“But you didn’t. She’s alive and she’ll be fine,” the mechanic says in an attempt comfort her lover. “Clarke’s a fighter, Abby. No matter how close death comes, she always manages to pull through. This time is no different.” Raven reaches a hand up, tenderly cupping Abby’s cheek in her palm and presses her lips against the doctor’s.

Abby manages to find comfort and relief in the feeling of the mechanic’s lips pressed softly against her own. For a moment she allows herself to forget all the bad, all the pain and suffering that they’ve all endured for far too long. The fear, the worry, all the self condemnation that she’s bestowed upon herself and that has been piling up inside from the moment Jake was floated, it slips away with every touch of Raven’s lips to her skin, every caress of the mechanics soft fingers. And praying that this time they won’t be interrupted, she gives herself over wholly and completely to Raven.

Just when Abby thinks this moment between them couldn’t possibly get any better, despite the shit day they’ve had, Raven surprises her. “I love you,” the mechanic says when she settles on the bed beside the doctor

A bright smile forms on Abby’s lips and in her eyes, elated to hear the words, to know that the love she expressed to Raven earlier is mutual. “I love you too,” she whispers before pulling the mechanic in to share more tender kisses.

 

*~*~*

 

Octavia sits outside the Ark with Lincoln, her head resting on his shoulder, fighting to keep her tired eyes open as they watch the sun slowly sink beyond their line of vision. She’s worried about Clarke and she’s worried about Indra. She wants to ride back to Polis, the place where she feels most at home and where she feels safest. “You think they’ll be okay,” she asks lifting her head and looking at the grounder beside her.

“Clarke is strong and stubborn and her mother will take good care of her. And of course the Commander is here to watch over her as well. Neither of them is going to let anything bad happen to her while she recovers,” Lincoln says offering Octavia a little comfort and reassurance. “Indra’s a warrior who has managed to escape the hands of death many times. She’s just a stubborn, if not more so, and she’s in good hands with our healers in Polis. You need not fear for them.”

The young warrior nods and rests her head back on Lincoln’s shoulder. She’s still scared, but his words have given her a little comfort. She lifts her head again when she notices the camp guards training their guns on somebody outside the gate and shouting for somebody to get the Chancellor. She and Lincoln both push themselves up from the ground and make their way toward the gate and Octavia grabs hold of the grounder’s hand when she sees who’s waiting to be let in. “Emerson,” she says quietly.

“What the hell is he doing here,” Kane asks coming to a stop beside the couple. He doesn’t wait for an answer before he barks out orders to the camp guards. “Bring him in, place him under arrest. We’ll decide what to do with him later.”

The guards comply and Emerson allows the guards to take hold of him, tighten zip ties around his wrists and lead him into the camp. He stops when they’re right in front of Kane. “There’s one thing I want to know before you lock me away,” he says turning to the Chancellor. “Tell me how it felt for one of you own to return broken and bleeding. Tell me how it felt to watch what little life she had left drain from her.”

Kane glares at Emerson. He almost tells him that Clarke is still alive and recovering. The last thing he needs is Emerson in their camp with the girl he tried to kill, with the knowledge that he didn’t succeed. Even locked away, he’s still a threat. Instead, the Chancellor drives his fist into the mountain man’s gut, making him keel over with only the guards to keep him on his feet. “Take him away, and make sure somebody is watching him at all times,” Kane says.

Octavia watches the confrontation wide eyed. She thinks about Indra and Clarke, what he did to them… to her people. Her hand settles on the sword on her back and without a second thought she draws it and breaks into a run. Lincoln and Kane catch her and hold her back, the Chancellor prying the sword from her hands. “He deserves to die,” Octavia argues. “Jus drein jus daun!” Emerson turns his head to look over his shoulder at her, laughing at her botched attempt to take him out as the guards continue to drag him away.

“He will,” Kane assures her. “But not now and not by your hand.” He’s silent for a moment before he speaks again. “He isn’t ours to kill,” he says hoping it will satisfy her.

Octavia backs down, not completely satisfied but understanding. She knows Kane is right. Emerson isn’t theirs to kill. His fate belongs in the hands of Indra and Clarke, and Lexa. She knows Lexa will make sure the mountain man breathes his last breath the second she gets her hands on him. The young warrior takes her sword back from Kane, slips it into its sheath and marches off, heading toward medical.

 

*~*~*

 

Lexa sleeps in the chair beside Clarke, her head rested on the bed where the sky girl lays. Clarke runs her fingers along the Commander’s cheek and occasionally through her hair, watching her sleep. She looks up when she hears determined, fast footsteps headed toward the medical bay. “Octavia,” she says when she sees the girl and she smiles a little, happy to see the girl despite their recent differences.

“You look exhausted,” Octavia observes as she approaches the girl. Clarke nods. She feels like all she’s done since she got back is sleep, but she can still barely hold her eyes open. “You’re mom will have a fit if she comes back and finds you awake.” The warrior pulls another chair up to the other side of the bed and sits down, watching as black blood flows from a bag, through a thin tube and into Clarke’s arm. “Lexa’s,” she asks nodding her head toward the blood and Clarke nods again, still caressing the sleeping Commander’s head. They’re both silent for several minutes, Clarke fighting to stay awake and Octavia’s mind focused on the news she has for Lexa. She almost tells Clarke instead, but she knows the sky girl’s dealing with enough. The last think she wants to do is make things worse by telling Clarke that the man who put her in her current position is now in the camp. “I’m sorry,” she says instead.

Clarke turns her attention away from the sleeping Commander for a moment, surprised by Octavia’s unexpected apology. She’s grown so used to hearing the words out of her own mouth, so used to being the one to take the blame for every little thing that she no longer expects anyone else to step up to the plate and offer to take a load of her shoulders. “For what,” she asks.

“The last time we talked, in Polis. I shouldn’t have said some of the things I did. I shouldn’t have blamed you for what happened to Bellamy. It wasn’t your fault. None of this has been your fault.” Her gaze falls to the floor, feeling ashamed. “I let my emotions get the better of me. I should have been more careful.”

The sky girl reaches out to her friend and Octavia stares at the waiting hand for a few seconds before she settles one of her own hands into. They look into each other’s eyes and Clarke can see that the apology is sincere. “You don’t have to be sorry. I get it,” she says and smiles slightly.

Octavia nods and a small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth before she pushes herself up out of the chair, letting go of Clarke’s hand. “When the Commander wakes up, tell her to come find me,” she requests.

Clarke nods and watches as Octavia heads back toward the door. Curiosity strikes her before the girl is gone and she calls out to her. “Octavia.” The warrior stops and turns back to the sky girl. “Why?”

The young warrior stands by the door, silently looking back at Clarke for a minute. “I just… I had something I wanted to tell her,” she says hoping Clarke will accept her answer.

“You can tell me and I’ll just tell her when she wakes up,” the sky girl offers. She hates the idea of having to send Lexa away, even just for a few minutes.

Octavia hesitates again; she knows she’ll just have to tell Clarke. She takes a deep breath before she gives in. “Emerson is here. He’s locked up and under watch.”

Clarke stares at Octavia, fear gripping her. She hates the idea of Emerson being in the camp with her, even if he is locked up and being watched. She knows as soon as Lexa finds out the Commander will immediately want to storm off to shove her sword in him. “You can’t tell her,” she pleads.

“Why the hell not. He deserves whatever fate she deals him.

Clare can’t answer because she doesn’t have an answer. She agrees; Carl Emerson deserves whatever he’s got coming. But she isn’t ready to have Lexa leaving her side to exact revenge on him. “I know it’s selfish, but I need her here with me. I…” she pauses for a moment when Lexa stirs a little but quickly settles back in. “I feel safer when she’s with me.”

Octavia seems to understand and nods reluctantly. “Okay,” she agrees. “Get some rest,” the warrior says before leaving the sky girl to get the rest she knows Clarke desperately needs in order to recover quickly and fully.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bida gonplei ste kik raun ona yu- there’s fight in you still  
> Ai nou na teik yu bants nowe- I’m never going to let you go  
> Jus drein jus daun- blood must have blood


	18. Chapter 18

“She won’t wake up,” Abby says looking up at Raven when she hears the girl wander into medical. Both the doctor and the Commander look worried as they stand over the sleeping girl. Abby shakes her lightly, speaks to her in a hushed tone urging her to open her eyes. She’s checked her daughter’s pulse, knows that she’s breathing and knows she’s alive but is still unsettled that she won’t wake up.

Raven does her best to hide her own fear as she wanders over to them. “Let me try something,” she says leaning over to whisper something in the girl’s ear. “Hey Clarke,” she says with a weary smile, silently praying that her devious plan works… for Abby’s sake. “I’m banging your mom.”

The sky girl stirs, opening one eye and glaring at the mechanic. “Raven, I will kill you,” she says with slight hint of humor in her groggy voice. Raven can’t help but to grin back.

“What did you say to her,” Abby asks glancing at the mechanic curious what she whispered in the girl’s ear to bring her out of her coma like slumber.

“Nothing I didn’t already know thanks to a slip up from Octavia,” Clarke answers pulling her mother’s attention to her again and earning a mildly shocked look from Raven. The sky girl looks between her mother and Raven and rolls her eyes before closing them again, not prepared to discuss the relationship between her friend and her mother. “Can I get something to drink,” she asks attempting to change the subject before the conversation has a chance to continue.

Raven lets out a quiet laugh and steps away to get Clarke a cup of water. The sky girl settles her gaze on her mother and Lexa. “Why do you both look so worried?”

“You wouldn’t wake up,” Abby says suddenly feeling a bit silly for the panic attack she narrowly avoided. She places a hand on Clarke’s forehead, brushing the girl’s hair back before kissing the spot.

Clarke yawns, considers closing her eyes again because somehow she’s still tired… though not as fatigued as before her solid night of restful sleep. She feels Lexa squeeze her hand gently and she squeezes back, glad to find that some of her diminished strength seems to have returned. Raven returns with her cup of water and Abby helps the sky girl to sit up so she can sip from the cup without choking.

Kane wanders in after a few minutes. He smiles at Clarke, happy to see she’s doing better, before he looks to Abby. “Can I talk to you,” he asks and she nods but doesn’t move from her place at her daughter’s side. “In private,” he requests.

The doctor lets a deep sigh slip from between her lips before she reluctantly follows the Chancellor out into the hall. He speaks to Abby in a hushed tone, looking around to make sure nobody is lingering nearby to listen in. “We have Emerson in lock up.”

Abby stares at Kane in shock. “What? How... when?”

“He showed up outside the camp early last night. I had him locked up as soon as we let him in and I’ve got somebody keeping an eye on him at all times.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me last night?”

“I figured you were probably with Raven. I didn’t want to interrupt the two of you a third time,” Kane says and looks away for a second, his face growing a light shade of red.

Abby takes his words into consideration, mind wandering to the memory of the passionate night the two women spent together. “Thank you,” she says realizing that Kane had the right idea and glad that he made the choice not to come knocking or simply walk in on the two of them again.

Kane nods. “Octavia tried to go after him. Lincoln and I stopped her, but to be honest I think she’s got the right idea. He’s a threat to us and he tried to kill one of our own.”

The doctor nods in agreement. “Does he know Clarke is alive.”

“No,” the Chancellor says shaking his head. “He asked about her. Wanted to know how we felt…” he hesitates to tell her the rest, “how we felt watching her die. I figured letting him know she was alive and recovering would only serve to tempt him to try and get free to finish the job. The last thing we need is some whack job like him running around the place putting us all in more danger.”

“Thank you,” Abby says again with a sigh of relief. She moves to go back into medical, but Kane stops her.

“I haven’t said anything to Lexa yet,” he says. “I don’t want her storming to lock up to deal with him before we all have a chance to talk this over. He deserves to die, but I want it done humanly.”

“There’s nothing humane about one human being killing another, Marcus, it doesn’t matter how it’s done.” She pauses for a second then continues. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to see him pay for what he did. He kidnapped and almost killed my daughter. I want him dead; I don’t care how it’s done,” she says and makes her way back into the room.

Kane stands speechless in the hall, shocked by the darker side of Abby the mountain man has managed to bring out after kidnapping and severely injuring her daughter.  

 

*~*~*

 

Emerson stands with his hands around the bars of the cell he’s locked in. “Hey,” he says to the guard standing nearby. “Your leader… what do you call him? Chancellor? He seems like a real asshole.” The guard glares at Emerson and the mountain man smirks, thrilled that he’s managed to get a rise out of him, even if it is in the form of simply glare. “Tell me, does he punch everybody who asks questions he doesn’t like?”

The guard takes out his shock baton and approaches the cell. “Step back away from the bars,” he demands.

“You going to beat up on me too,” Emerson asks still holding onto the bars, ignoring the guards order. “Go ahead, use it on me. I don’t give a damn.” The guard shakes his head, refusing to taunted anymore. He moves to put the shock baton away, intending to go back to ignoring the prisoner’s big mouth. Emerson reaches through the bars and grabs the guard’s wrist before he can put the weapon away.

“Let go,” the guard says tugging at his arm in an attempt to get free. “Now!”

“Do it. Hit me. I know you want to, I can see it in your eyes.” Emerson’s rage grows as the guard continues to struggle to free himself. “Do it!”

The guard tugs a few more times before his eyes fall on Emerson’s arm and the bars he’s reaching through. He takes a few steps to the left, forcing Emerson’s arm against the bar. “Let go,” he demands once more and when the mountain man ignores him he slams the prisoner’s arm against the bar, forcing it to flex until a loud crack and a pain induced scream fills the room. Emerson instantly releases his hold on the guard and pulls his broken arm back through the bars, cradling it against his chest as he falls back against the wall. “Good luck convincing our doctor to fix that up for you,” the guard spits at him. “Don’t think she’ll have much interest in helping the bastard who almost killed her daughter.”

Emerson forgets the pain for a moment, eyes wide as he looks up at the guard. “Almost?” He manages to push himself off the ground with his good arm when the guard doesn’t answer, once again approaching the bars. “Clarke Griffin is alive?”

“Get back away from the bars or the broken arm will be the least of your worries,” is all the guard says in response.

Emerson backs away, scowling at the guard, and lowers himself into a corner of the cell. He balls his good hand into a fist, resists the urge to punch the wall or the floor, knowing he’ll need at least on good hand if he’s going to get out of his cell and finish the job he started.

 

*~*~*

 

Jasper sits in a chair across from Raven, elbows rested on the table and head rested in his hands as he watches the mechanic turn one of Jaha’s chips over in her hand. She doesn’t know where to start with them, how to test them like Kane wants her to. “What exactly is it you’re supposed to be doing with them,” Jasper asks.

Raven shrugs. “I don’t know. Kane just said he wanted me to test them. He said Abby tried to run some of her own tests on them but the results were inconclusive. I guess they were trying to figure out how exactly they work once their ingested, but there’s nothing to suggest that the reaction is biological.” She tosses the chip on the table and brushes her fingers through her own hair, frustrated. “I don’t even want anything to do with these things.”

“Maybe I should take a look at them,” he says looking at the chip on the table longingly.

Raven grabs it before he can. “No, Jasper. You promised me, remember.”

“I’m not gonna ingest the damn thing. I just want to look at it, see if I find something you might be missing.”

The mechanic stares at him, wonders if she can trust him and decides she can’t. She shakes her head and drops the chip back in the bag with the rest of them. “I need some air,” she says. “Come with me.”

Jasper watches as she limps toward the door. Before she has a chance to turn around to see why he isn’t following, he snatches a chip out of the bag and pockets it. Raven glances at him as he starts in her direction. “Come on slow poke,” she urges. He pushes past her out of the room as she quickly glances at the bag, making sure it’s still there.


	19. Chapter 19

“So you and Raven huh,” Clarke says as her mother hands her a cup of water. Lexa sleeps, or pretends to sleep, once again in the chair beside the bed.

Abby blushes and nods, taking the cup from Clarke when it’s empty and setting it on a nearby table. “It doesn’t bother you,” she asks hopeful that her daughter will approve of the relationship, fearing the emotionally draining place she’ll find herself in if Clarke says no. She doesn’t think she could let Raven go, but she doesn’t want to upset her daughter either. She’s feels like she’s already managed to let Clarke down too many times.

“It’s fine. I just don’t want any intimate details,” she says with a smile and her mother lets out a sigh of relief and takes her hand, a weary smile spreading across her own lips. “Something’s bothering you,” the sky girl observes.

The doctor shakes her head. “It’s nothing.”

“Tell me.”

Abby takes a deep breath, looks up at the ceiling and then back down at her daughter. “Emerson showed up outside the camp last night. Kane had him placed in lock up with a guard to watch him. He doesn’t know you’re alive.”

“I know,” Clarke says and her mother looks at her with questioning eyes. “Octavia came to see me last night. She told me.”

The doctor nods. “Kane and Lincoln stopped her from going after him. I’d feel better if they’d let her put an end to him.”

Clarke squeezes her mother’s hand, hoping it offers some degree of comfort. Lexa changes positions beside her, catching their attention, but makes no indication that she’s awake or has over heard any of their conversation. “She’ll want to go after him the second she finds out he’s here,” the sky girl says turning back to her mother.

“I can’t blame her,” Abby says. “She loves you, I can tell by the way she looks at you and how scared she was when she carried you in here yesterday. She hasn’t left your side since.” Thinking about it makes the doctor smile. “I’m still not thrilled about her leaving you behind at Mt. Weather and I’m not a fan of some of the things her people have done, but I can see that she makes you happy, and that’s good enough for me.”

“Thanks.” Clarke’s smile grows and she looks back at Lexa again, glad to have the girl at her side and glad that she no longer seems to care who sees how she feels about the sky girl.

“I’ll let you rest,” Abby says and places a gentle kiss on her daughter’s forehead before leaving the room.

Lexa shifts again when she hears the door to the medical bay slide closed. This time she opens her eyes and slips her fingers between Clarke’s, letting the sky girl know that she’s awake. “How much did you hear,” she asks the Commander. She has a feeling Lexa was awake the whole time.

“Everything,” Lexa says confirming Clarke’s suspicion.

“Promise me you won’t go after him. Not yet.”

Lexa hesitates to answer. She wants to go straight to lock up, demand to be let into his cell and be given just a few minutes alone with him. She wants to tear him shreds and drag what’s left of him outside to be devoured by whatever wildlife waits hungrily for a handout. She also doesn’t want to leaves Clarke’s side, not until she’s healed. “I promise,” she says eventually and pushes herself out of the chair so she can kiss the sky girl.

 

*~*~*

 

Jasper sits alone in his room, the chip he stole in his hand. He stares at it, part of him wanting to slip it into his mouth and part of him feeling bad for even wanting to break his promise to Raven. A bottle of booze sits on a table in the middle of the room, just a few steps away from the bed where he sits. He considers going for that instead, but he already knows that it doesn’t matter how much he drinks, the alcohol will never really take the pain away. Everything he ever heard about drinking ones pain away is a lie. When he does drink, he finds it barely even takes the edge off.

He looks back at the chip again and lifts it toward his mouth and then stops before he actually slips it between his lips. He’s a little scared of what will happen when he swallows it, afraid of the things Raven warned him about: the memory loss and becoming a slave to some A.I. with the threat of having his pain thrown back at him if he doesn’t comply. A few seconds pass as he just sits, the chip in hand and resting against his bottom lip, and then he pushes all the fear away and slips it in without a second thought.

A weird sensation occurs as the device seems to dissolve with his saliva. He closes his eyes as he swallows and for a moment he feels like something is crawling somewhere in the back of his neck. The sensation passes quickly and all his pain fades along with it, giving him sweet relief. When he opens his eyes he finds a woman in a red dress standing in front of him. He smiles at her, not afraid of the stranger that has appeared in his room, but rather somehow comforted by her presence. “You must be Alie,” he says.

“Yes,” the woman in red says smiling back at him. “And you are Jasper. I’ve been waiting for you. I believe you will be a great asset to Thelonious and me.” She’s quiet for a minute, observing the boy before her. “There’s something I need you to do for me.”

Jasper nods, eager to do whatever it is she asks him to. “Whatever it is, I can do it.”

“Good. Your Chancellor took the chips away from Jaha a few days ago. So many of your people still suffer with so much pain and without the chips, we haven’t been able to help all the people in need. Since you managed to get your hands on one, I can only conclude that you must know where they are. I’ll need you to get them and return them to Thelonious.”

“It won’t be easy, but I’ll get them,” Jasper says and Alie gives him one last smile before she disappears. He knows he should feel bad for breaking his promise to Raven and he knows he should feel guilty for even considering sneaking into the mechanic’s room to steal the chips, but he doesn’t. It’s weird for him, not feeling anything negative; no pain, no guilt, no sorrow, no more suffering and apparently a sudden decrease in morality.

A quiet voice somewhere deep in his mind tells him this isn’t right and that he shouldn’t enjoy this, but he ignores it and lets the smile that’s been missing for weeks linger on his lips as he steps out of his room and runs into Monty in the hallway. His friend stares at him, shocked by the sudden change in mood, a smile in place of his usual enraged drunken discontent.

Monty wants to ask what’s gotten into Jasper, why he’s suddenly happy when he’s grown used to seeing his friend mope around with a bottle in his hand to aid him in making bad decisions. He thinks about the day he followed Jasper to Mt. Weather and found the ashes in his backpack. At the same time, he’s glad that Jasper seems to have pulled himself out of his melancholy state and he doesn’t want to ruin it. Instead, he simply raises his hand in a semi-wave. “Hey.”

Jasper’s smile grows a little and it actually starts to creepy Monty out a little. “Hey yourself. Why the shocked face?”

Monty shrugs, unsure how to answer the question. “Guess I just wasn’t expecting to find you looking so happy.”

“What reason would I have for being unhappy?”

There’s no response from Monty, he simply shrugs again and tries to think of a way to end the conversation. He’s disturbed by the way Jasper’s acting, like he’s managed to get his hands on one of the chips that seem to be messing everybody up. “Well, I just wanted to check up on you. Guess I should get going,” he says finally and quickly walks away hoping to find Kane or Abby, or maybe Raven, because he’s worried about his friend.

Jasper watches Monty walk away and shrugs, confused by the way he acted. Alie’s by his side again when he finally turns his attention away from Monty. Her head is tilted at a slight angle, like a dog whose curiosity has been piqued, as she watches the boy stalk off. “It seems he’s disturbed by your sudden change in mood. A true friend would simply be happy for you,” she says and Jasper nods in agreement deciding that if Monty can’t be happy for him, then he doesn’t need him.

 

*~*~*

 

A new guard sits in a beat up old folding chair outside Emerson’s cell, his head rested against the wall and snoring loud enough that the mountain man couldn’t sleep even if he wanted to. Of course, the constant pain in his arm wouldn’t make sleeping any easier either. He clears his throat, louder than necessary, hoping it will wake the guard so he can put his escape plan into action. “Hey,” he calls out when the guard fails to stir. The guard jumps as the sound of Emerson’s voice and stares at him.

“What the hell do you want?”

“Don’t think your Chancellor would be too happy about you sleeping on the job,” Emerson taunts.

The guard ignores him and rests his head back against the wall, looking to return to his nap. “Hey, I need a doctor. I’m in a lot of pain.” The guard lifts his head again, considers the mountain man’s request and then refuses. “Come on. I… I could get an infection. You can’t just leave me to rot like this.”

“Wanna bet,” the guard challenges.

Emerson lets out a deep sigh. “Can I at least get some damn water?”

“You can shut the hell up.”

“How about, you get me some water, and then I’ll shut the hell up.”

The guard stares at Emerson for several seconds, considering his ultimatum, desperate for peace and quiet. He gets up and disappears for a few minutes before returning with a small cup filled with the water the prisoner asked for. He tries to hand it to Emerson through the bars but it’s just too big to fit and he lets out an agitated sigh before he gives in and unlocks the cell.

Emerson’s ready the second the door is unlocked. He shoves the barred door open into the guard, forcing him backward and making him drop the cup. He swings at him with his good hand, hitting the guard in the face before grabbing the shock baton at the guard’s waist. “How does this thing work,” he asks as the guard slowly backs away, hands raised slightly. Emerson looks the weapon over, pushes a button when he finds one and jumps slightly in response the electrical blue light emitted. He laughs and waves it in the guard’s face, forcing him back further.  “Looks like I could have some fun with this.” Emerson pushes the button again and marvels at the electrical current.

“Just… just let me go,” the guard pleads backed against a wall.

The mountain man shakes his head and presses the stick into the guard’s stomach before pressing the button, this time holding it down until the guard falls unconscious. He drags the guard into the cell and quickly changes his clothes.

He’s careful to keep his head down as he wanders through the Ark and grabs Bryan when they pass each other in the hall. He throws him against the wall and presses a knife he swiped from the guard against the boy’s neck. “Where’s Clarke Griffin.”

Bryan shakes his head and stares down at the knife. “I don’t know where she is,” he lies.

Emerson moves the knife against the boy’s cheek. He pushes until it draws blood and leaves a small gash behind. Bryan cringes in response to the sting of the blade cutting into his skin. “Tell me where she is or next time it’s your throat.”

The boy hesitates and looks around, considering calling out for help or maybe running. Emerson catches his wandering gaze and holds him firmly against the wall, waiting for an answer. “She’s in medical, down the hall and around the corner,” Bryan gives in and says. Emerson smiles and lets up his hold on the boy, but before he has a chance to run for help, a fist hits him hard in his right temple and he crumbles to the ground.

Emerson stares at the unconscious boy for a minute before he takes off down the hall. He stops outside the door to the medical bay, peering in through the window as he takes a deep breath. He can see the girl on a bed, sleeping and apparently alone.

 

               

               


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all get two chapters today :). Hope you enjoy and thanks again for all the kudos and comments.

Lexa watches as Clarke sleeps, her stomach growling and considering slipping away for a minute or two to find the cafeteria and some food. She heads for the door, finds the button to make it slide open and steps out into the hall. She stops before she turns the corner, hearing a familiar voice that sets her on edge. She pears around, sees somebody in a guard’s uniform holding another one of the sky people against the wall. She catches the glint of a blade against the boy’s throat and then his face when he fails to answer the man’s question about Clarke. She listens a bit longer, curses the sky boy when she hears him tell Emerson where Clarke is, and then slips back into the room and turns the lights off. She waits quietly, out of sight, sword at the ready.

The door slides open less than a minute later and Emerson slips into the dark room. He slowly makes his way toward the bed where Clarke sleeps, careful to keep quiet. He stares down at her for a few seconds, studying her face as his eyes adjust, before he raises his knife toward her throat. The sky girl’s eyes open and she looks at him, confused for a moment before realization hits and fear sets in. She opens her mouth to cry out, but she hears Lexa from somewhere in the darkness first.

“Drop the knife,” the Commander says and Emerson can hear the anger and hatred in her voice and feel the point of her sword digging into his back. He chuckles and ignores her demand, continues to move his knife toward the sky girl. Lexa grabs him as the blade touches Clarke’s throat. She forces him away from Clarke, positioning herself between them. “I said, drop the knife,” she repeats through clenched teeth.

The sound of more than one pair of footsteps fast approaching sounds in the hall and Emerson grumbles, agitated with those who continue to get in his way. He charges at the Commander, intending to shove her out of his way. Instead he finds himself run through with her sword. His head falls forward and he stares at the blood that soaks through his stolen clothes, shocked.

Lexa stares at him for a few seconds before she yanks her sword out of the mountain man’s gut and kicks him to the floor. She watches as blood pools around him and the life quickly fades from his eyes. The lights turn on and Lexa briefly looks up to find Abby, Kane carrying the boy Emerson was talking to in the hall, and two guards carrying another unconscious guard. She drops her sword and turns away from them before they have a chance to ask any questions.

Clarke manages to push herself into an upright position and she stares at Emerson’s lifeless body for a moment. There’s still fear in her eyes but it quickly fades when Lexa places a gentle hand against her cheek. “You’re safe,” the Commander says and rests her forehead against the sky girl’s for a few seconds before kissing her.

Abby steps around the dead mountain man, rushing to her daughter’s side. She pulls her into a tight embrace, presses her lips against Clarke’s forehead. There’s gratitude in her eyes when she looks at Lexa. “Thank you,” she says and Lexa nods and picks her sword up from the floor, wipes clean and slides it back into its sheath. For the first time since Ontari’s arrival in Polis a few days before, she feels like she can free herself from the constant weight of the weapon and the invisible blood soaking it’s blade from her back. She removes the sheath from her back and sets it on a nearby table before she settles herself back in the chair at Clarke’s side. She slips her fingers between the sky girl’s and finally lets herself really relax.

Kane sets Bryan on another bed and directs the two guards to do the same with their colleague. Abby goes to the guard first, checks his pulse and makes sure he’s breathing. When she’s satisfied that he’ll be fine she moves on to Bryan and does the same. She bandages the cut on the boy’s cheek and then wheels a portable x-ray machine next to the bed where he lays. “Can you clean that up while I take care of him,” she asks Kane and the guards, nodding toward Emerson’s body. They nod and the two guards wrap the mountain man’s body in a sheet before they carry him out, leaving Kane to mop up the blood left behind.

“I’ll let Miller know he’s here,” Kane says nodding to Bryan when he’s done cleaning the floor. Abby nods as she looks over the x-rays, relieved that no serious damage seems to have been done. She stops Miller when he rushes in a few minutes later, out of breath.

“Is he okay,” Nathan asks looking over the doctor’s shoulder at his unconscious boyfriend.

“He has a minor concussion. He’ll need to take it easy for a few days but otherwise he’ll be fine.” She lets him pass and watches as he kisses Bryan’s cheek and takes his hand. “Let him rest,” she tells Nathan as she drags a chair to him and then carries another to her daughter’s side. She settles into the chair and before long drifts off to sleep.

 

*~*~*

 

Jasper knocks on the door to Raven’s room, not expecting an answer and when he slips in he expects to find her sleeping, but instead he finds the room empty. He closes the door behind him, turns on the light and begins searching for the bag. He’s mildly agitated when he doesn’t find the bag on the table where it was when he was last with the mechanic, but he doesn’t let it get to him, not until he’s combed through every inch of the room with no success. Alie stands by the door and he looks up at her, shaking his head. “They aren’t here.”

“Find them,” she demands and though no emotion shows on her face, no emotion is evident in her voice, Jasper knows she’s angry and frustrated because he can feel it as if her emotions were his own.

Jasper nods and leaves the room. He knows that if he finds her then he’ll find the chips and he wonders where Raven could possibly be this late at night if not in her room. He wonders if maybe she has decided to work late and heads toward mechanical. When he doesn’t find her there, he heads for the server room. Irritation begins to set in, along with fatigue, and his pain slowly begins to seep back when he finds the serve room empty as well. He looks to Alie, eyes confused and pleading. He knows she must have something to do with the returning pain and he’s ready to get down on his knees and beg her to give him a break if he has to. “She must have the chips with her and I don’t where she is. Please, let me rest. I’ll have a better chance of finding her in the morning.”

Alie shakes her head. “You may go to the City of Light only after you have found the chips and returned them to Thelonious.”

The memory of Raven’s warning to Jasper returns and he suddenly finds himself regretting his decision to break his promise and take one of the chips. He longs for the same euphoric feeling that overwhelmed him when he first slipped the device into his mouth, but as Alie grows more irritated with his failure to complete the task she’s given him and slowly lets his pain return to him, he begins to wonder if it was really worth it. “I’ll find them,” he assures her. “I swear I will, but it has to wait until morning when I have a better chance of finding her without knocking on every door and searching the other camp and making other suspicious.”

Alie seems to consider his words for a moment and then nods, finally accepting his plea. Jasper thanks her and she follows him as he wanders back to mechanical where he intends to wait for Raven, knowing she’ll likely show up there at some point. He curls up on the couch and eventually finds himself blissfully lost in the City of Light.

 

*~*~*

 

Raven wakes up and finds the space beside her empty. She dresses herself and makes sure the bag of Jaha’s chips is still in her pocket. She wonders where Abby could be and figures she must already be up and working in medical. The mechanic wanders to the cafeteria and grabs a cup of coffee before making her way to the medical bay where she finds Miller asleep on a bed beside Bryan, a guard asleep on another bed, and Lexa asleep in a chair on one side of Clarke and Abby in a chair on the other.  She’s quiet as she makes her way across the room and whispers “good morning” in the doctor’s ear to wake her.

Abby smiles at the mechanic and accepts a kiss and the hot cup of liquid caffeine with gratitude. “What time is it?”

The mechanic shrugs, “the sun is up and the cafeteria is serving breakfast, so it’s definitely morning,” she says with a quiet chuckle. “What did I miss?” 

The doctor takes a few sips from her coffee before setting it aside and getting up to check on Bryan and the guard. “Emerson managed to escape his cell last night.”

“How?”

Abby shrugs. “Guess we’ll find out when the guard he shocked unconscious wakes up.” She settles back into her chair once she’s satisfied that her new patients are still fine. “He attacked Bryan. He’s got a cut on his face and a minor concussion. Then he ended up here.” Her eyes rest on her sleeping daughter and the Commander, thankful that Clarke survived the encounter and that Lexa was there to put an end to the mountain man. “Lexa took care of him,” she says. “I didn’t want to wake you when Kane showed up in the middle of the night to let me know that Emerson had gotten out.” She looks at Raven apologetically, feeling bad for leaving the mechanic alone with no explanation for her sudden disappearance.

Raven nods in understanding, thankful that the doctor let her sleep, but also wishing she’d been there at Abby and Clarke’s side. The guard stirs and slowly pushes himself into an upright position, rubbing at his eyes and attracting the attention of Abby and Raven. The doctor gets up and grabs a cup of water before going to his side.

The guard drinks the water slowly, finishing it off before he says anything. “What the hell happened?”

“We were hoping you could give us the answer to that question,” Abby says. “Emerson escaped while you were supposed to be on watch. Another guard found you unconscious in his cell. Do you remember what happened?”

The guard thinks for a minute, his memories slowly returning to him. “I fell asleep,” he says and looks away from the doctor ashamed. “He woke me up complaining about his arm. Whoever had watch before me broke his arm after he grabbed the guard through the bars. He told me he needed treatment but I told him to shut up. He told me he’d shut up if I got him some water. I went to get him his water and when I opened the cell to give it to him he knocked me back and took my shock baton and used it on me. That’s all I remember.” He lets out a deep sigh, disappointed in himself. “I should have known better, I should have seen that the water was nothing more than a means to escape.”

Abby puts a hand on his shoulder, “you couldn’t have known that he was planning to escape.” A thought pops into her head. She remembers Kane telling her that he didn’t let Emerson know that Clarke was alive and recovering. “Did you, by any chance, say anything to him about Clarke being alive?”

“No,” the guard says shaking his head after he thinks about it for a moment. Abby knows one of the guards watching Emerson must have let it slip and some small part of her wants to know who. She reminds herself that it doesn’t matter now, because Emerson isn’t a threat anymore.


	21. Chapter 21

Bryan wakes with a massive headache. He closes his eyes as soon as he opens them, blocking out the lights that blind him and make his pain worse. When he opens his eyes again he opens them slowly, bracing for the light. He feels a body beside him and turns his head to find Miller curled up and asleep next to him. He’s confused for a minute but as he looks around the room it all comes back to him: Emerson holding him against the wall, demanding to know where Clarke was, a sharp blade cutting into his cheek, and a hard blow to the head before it all goes black. His eyes fall on Clarke and Lexa, quietly talking to each other a short distance away. Abby is at his side a few seconds later, holding out a couple pills and a cup of water. “For the pain,” she says and Bryan carefully pushes himself up and accepts the pills and water, gulping them down and waiting patiently for the relief they bring. “You have a minor concussion,” the doctor explains to him. “I want you to rest here for the day. We’ll see how you feel tomorrow, but by then you should be able to finish recovering on your own.” She gives him a reassuring smile and then makes her way to her desk across the room.

Nathan slowly wakes beside Bryan and props himself up on his elbow. He lets out a yawn and smiles up at his boyfriend. “Morning,” he says and kisses Bryan. A few seconds pass before he remembers they’re in medical. “How are you feeling,” he asks concerned.

“Fine I guess. A bit of a headache but Abby gave me some medication to help.” Bryan smiles at Nathan, putting his boyfriend at ease. “I might be out of here by tomorrow,” he says hopeful.

 

Clarke is restless. Her abdomen is still sore where the two knife wounds have begun to heal, but she longs to get up and move. She still feels a little weak and when she pushes herself out of the bed and puts her feet on the floor, she falls into Lexa’s waiting arms. Abby turns from her desk when she hears the quiet whimper that escapes Clarke as she collapses into the Commander. She can see the pain on her daughter’s face and she takes a deep breath, resisting the urge to lecture her about exerting herself before she’s ready. She can see from her daughter’s pleading blue eyes when she looks up at her mother that Clarke is more than ready to spend some time out of the bed she’s been confined to for two days. “You can go down the hall and back. That’s it for now,” Abby says and Clarke nods desperate for a walk even if it’s a short one. “Stay at her side, make sure she doesn’t fall,” the doctor says eyeing Lexa. The Commander nods, stilling holding on tight to the sky girl.

They make their way out of the room slowly. Fatigue starts to set in shortly after they slip out into the hall and Clarke wonders if she’ll be able to make it all the way down the hall and back. Clarke moves slow and they stop about halfway down the hall so the sky girl can take a break. She leans her back against the wall and looks at Lexa apologetically. “You might have to carry me back,” she jokes and Lexa smiles and brushes a loose strand of hair out of Clarke’s face as she looks deep into the blue eyes she loves, ready to give the sky girl the world.

Lexa gets down on her knee in front of Clarke for the second time, but this time it’s not to swear fealty. “Ai meizen skai gada,” she says taking Clarke’s hands into her own. “Ai vout in bilaik osir keryon ste teina.” She pauses, looking up into the sky girl’s shocked blue eyes and a smile tugs at the corners of her lips. “Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun. Ai hod yu in, Clarke kom Skaikru.” She pauses once again, taking a deep breath before she asks the question that’s been burning her lips. Some small part of her wonders if maybe she should stop now. She wonders if perhaps it’s too soon and if all the words she’s already spoken, the question she longs to ask will only serve to scare Clarke away. Lexa silences her fears, tells herself that even if the answer is no at least she’ll have tried. She bites her lower lip softly before she finally lets the words out. “Don yu bilaik krom ai gon sonraun? Will you marry me Clarke Kom Skaikru?”

Tears glisten in Clarke’s eyes, still filled with shock. She wonders if maybe this is a dream because she doesn’t think it can truly be real. Her lips tremble as she moves them, trying to form the words she longs to speak. “I love you too, and yes, I will marry you.” She smiles as joyful tears slip down her cheeks and Lexa slowly stands, pulling the sky girl in for a tender kiss. “You’re definitely going to have to carry me back,” Clarke says with a quiet laugh when they separate and Lexa happily lifts the sky girl into her arms and carries her back to medical.  

 

*~*~*

 

Raven stops when she wanders into mechanical and finds Jasper asleep on the couch. She shakes him lightly and waits as he sits up and rubs at his eyes. “What the hell are you doing here,” she asks him when he looks up at her.

Jasper stares at the mechanic for a moment, parts his lips to say something but turns to Alie instead, hoping she’ll provide him with something to tell Raven. “Do what you have to do,” is all the woman in red has to offer him.

The mechanic follows Jasper’s line of vision, notices he’s staring as if there’s somebody there. “Jasper,” she says voice questioning. “What are you looking at?” She grabs him, pulling his attention back to her. “Where did you get a chip?” He doesn’t answer her, just stares at her while Alie’s words echo in his head. “You promised me you wouldn’t take a chip, Jasper.”

He hates seeing the betrayed look on her face and after a few more seconds he forces himself to look away. “Where are the rest of the chips,” he asks looking at the floor.

“You’re not getting them.” She can see anger and irritation set in when Jasper looks back up at her and for a second she thinks she might see just a hint of sorrow in his eyes as well. She backs away from him, hands tightened into fists and ready to fight if that’s what it comes to.

“Please just give them to me,” Jasper begs moving toward her, eyes shifting in search of a weapon. Raven shakes her head and Jasper lets out a deep sigh before he pounces on her, swinging at her face and kicking at her bad leg. She manages to hold him off and dodge all but the kick that drops her to her knees. On her way to the ground she grabs a nearby wrench and grabs Jasper, pulling him down with her. She doesn’t think twice before swinging and hitting Jasper hard in the head with the wrench, knocking him out. She watches as he crumbles to the ground and then backs away from him. She takes a deep breath, fighting back against the pain in her leg, and then pushes herself up from the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ai meizen skai gada- my beautiful sky girl  
> Ai vout in bilaik osir keryon ste teina- I believe that our souls are entwined  
> Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun- my life is your life  
> Ai hod yu in- I love you  
> Don yu bilaik krom ai gon sonraun- will you be with me for life


	22. Chapter 22

The medical bay door slides open and Raven limps in, carrying Jasper in her arms. Abby looks up from Clarke and Lexa, the congratulatory smile disappearing from her face as she rushes of over and takes the unconscious boy into her own arms and carries him to a bed before returning to Raven and wrapping an arm around her to keep her from collapsing. “What happened,” she asks leading the mechanic to a chair and kneels in front of her.

“He was asleep in mechanical. I woke him up,” she trails off looking at the boy on the bed across the room. “He’s chipped and he wanted the rest of them. I wouldn’t give them to him and he attacked me. I had to him over the head with a damn wrench.” There’s a mixture of anger and sorrow in her eyes and she looks back at Abby, watching as the doctor looks over Raven’s leg and works her way up, concern written all over her face. The mechanic lifts the doctor’s chin and wipes away a single tear that manages to win Abby’s fight to hold it back. “I’m fine,” she assures Abby and leans in to kiss her.

Abby isn’t sure where the sudden wave of emotion came from. She’s suddenly afraid of anything bad happening to Raven, afraid of losing her. She forces a smile and pushes herself off her knees then makes her way over to Jasper. “Will he be okay,” Raven asks and the doctor nods as she checks the boy’s pulse and lifts his eyelids and shines a light at his eyes, checking the reaction of his pupils.

“He might have a mild concussion. We have to get the chip out of him.” She once again wheels the portable x-ray across the room to confirm her suspicion. “He’ll live,” Abby says looking at the scan, “but he’ll have a hell of a headache for a couple days.” She can tell that Raven feels bad for hurting the boy. “You did what you had to do,” she says putting a hand on the mechanic’s shoulder and Raven nods. She watches for a few minutes as Abby hits Jasper with a sedative to make sure he doesn’t wake up while she’s fishing the chip out of the back of his neck.

Raven watches for a few seconds before she pushes herself out of her chair and limps over to Clarke’s bed. She can’t bear to watch as Abby cuts into the back of Jasper’s neck to pull out whatever’s left of the chip he promised her he wouldn’t take. “So, any good news,” she asks the sky girl and the Commander, desperate for something to take her mind off Jasper and their scuffle in mechanical.

“Lexa proposed,” Clarke says without hesitation and with a beaming smile on her face.

The mechanic smiles, considers teasing the two of them but decides against it and instead takes her friend’s hand into her own. “Congratulations,” she says before looking at Lexa. “If you break her heart, Abby won’t be the only one out to tear you to shreds.” The look on her face is dead serious for a moment, making it clear that she isn’t kidding, but then she lightens up and smiles again. “I trust you,” she says. “I know you won’t hurt her.”

At first Lexa feels a little threatened, but she slowly lets out a deep breath and manages a smile. “I wouldn’t dream of hurting her,” she says smiling down at the sky girl. “Not again,” she adds a moment later, because she knows her betrayal at the mountain hurt Clarke. Her smile fades, because it hurt her too and if forced into the same situation again, she knows she’d choose Clarke instead. Of course soon she won’t have to worry about ever having to make a choice like that again, because it will no longer be her choice to make. She suddenly finds herself longing to get back to Polis and pass on her position to whichever nightblood proves worthy. She feels Clarke squeeze her hand and it pulls her back and puts a smile on her face again.

 

*~*~*

 

Octavia paces back and forth inside the camp by the gate. She’s worried about Indra, despite how many times Lincoln has assured her that the warrior is in good hands and will be fine. “She wouldn’t want you fretting like this,” she hears the grounder say behind her. He puts his arms around her and holds her tight as she takes a few deep breaths. “Lexa will return to Polis as soon as Clarke is able to travel and she’s recovering quickly. You’ll be able to return to the city and see for yourself that Indra is fine very soon,” he says offering her a little more comfort.

The young warrior pulls away from him and looks up into his eyes. As much as she longs to return to Polis, she also hates leaving Lincoln behind. She never knows when she’ll be able to return to his arms again and she misses the fleeting moments they share. “I wish you could come with me,” she says.

Lincoln kisses her and pulls her in again. He wishes he could return to Polis with her as well. “I know,” he says kissing the top of her head.

“You could ask her to lift the kill order,” Octavia suggests.

The grounder shakes his head. “I could, but I betrayed my people. That’s not something the Commander or any of my people will ever forgive or forget.”

Octavia wants to argue with him, but she knows he’s right. Part of her wants to march to medical and confront Lexa herself, demand that the Commander lift the kill order on Lincoln and give him his freedom back. But she knows that won’t do any good either, because she knows Lexa won’t listen to her. She pulls back again when a thought occurs to her. “I could talk to Clarke. She could convince Lexa to lift the kill order. Lexa would do it for her.”

Lincoln lets out a deep sigh and hugs Octavia once more in an attempt to hide his discomfort with the idea. As much as he wants his freedom back, he isn’t sure he likes the idea of using somebody else to get it. He also knows Octavia is stubborn and that she won’t give in or let it go until she gets what she wants.

 

*~*~*

 

Monty knocks on Jasper’s door and his concern for his friend increases when there’s no answer. He hesitantly opens the door to find the room empty. He lets out a deep sigh and closes the door, wondering where Jasper could possibly be.

He makes his way to mechanical, hoping to find Jasper there hanging out with Raven or at least ask the mechanic if she knows where he is. “Have you seen Jasper,” he asks Raven when he finds her alone, taking apart one of Jaha’s chips.

“Jasper’s in medical,” Raven says looking up at Monty. She can see the worry in his eyes and she takes a deep breath before she tells him how his friend ended up there. “He’s fine. He attacked me earlier and I had to hit him over the head with a wrench to knock him out. He just has a concussion and Abby had to cut one of these damn chips out of the back of his neck.” She looks back at the chip in front of her, pulled in half, secrets finally revealed. 

For a moment, Monty is angry with her for hurting Jasper, but it quickly passes. His head falls when Raven confirms his suspicion that Jasper took one of the chips. “I should have been there for him, been a better friend and tried harder to help him. I just got so sick of the constant drinking and he kept pushing everyone away.” He plops himself down on the couch, feeling guilty.

“It’s not your fault, Monty. You tired, I tried… we all tried to help him. He didn’t want our help. Maybe now he’ll understand,” she says hoping that Jasper’s had his fill of being under Alie’s spell in the short time he got to experience it. She focuses back on the chip. “I think I figured out how these things work.”

Monty pushes himself up and leans in to look at the disassembled device. “How?”

“Nanobots,” Raven says using a pair of tweezers to pick up the tiny robotic device stuck in the middle of the chip. She holds it up to the light so she and Monty can get a better look at it. “The casing must melt away when it comes in contact with saliva and then the bot works its way to the brain stem where it latches on and relays some sort of code that alters brain function to some extent, taking away pain and memories and giving people the ability to see Alie and enter the City of Light.”

There’s a dumbfounded look on Monty’s face and he backs away, deciding he doesn’t want anything to do with any of it. “I think I’m gonna go see how Jasper’s doing,” he says before leaving the room. Raven watches as he leaves. She takes a hammer to the exposed bot and then leaves to search for Kane to tell him what she’s found.

 

*~*~*

 

Jasper’s eyes flutter open and he immediately notices the sharp pain in the back of his neck and a headache that puts his hangover headaches to shame. He tries to swallow but his mouth it too dry. “Water,” he manages to mutter altering Abby to his state of wakefulness. She brings him a cup of water and some pills that he assumes are for the pain in his neck and head.

“You have a concussion,” she tells him as he shoves the pills in his mouth and downs the cup of water. “I also cut the chip out of your neck.”

He looks up at her, stunned for a minute. “Why,” he asks. “It was helping me.”

Abby shakes her head. “It was helping Raven too until she realized what it was costing her.”

“I wanted to forget her, as long as it meant the pain was gone,” Jasper says raising his voice. He hears the door to medical slide open and looks over to see Monty standing just inside the door, watching Jasper with sadness and disappointment in his eyes. He remembers that the night before Alie had him convinced that he didn’t need Monty, but the disappointment in his eyes makes him feel guilty and he stares back at his friend apologetically.

“You took a chip,” Monty says, hurt in his voice as he wanders over to the bed Jasper lies in. “We wanted to help you.” His head falls and he fights back the overwhelming emotion that takes hold of him. “Maybe we should have tried harder.”

Jasper swallows hard and when Monty looks back up at him, he has to look away because he feels guilty. “I’m sorry,” he says when he can’t stand the silence anymore.

“So am I,” Monty says and hesitantly reaches up and slips his fingers between Jasper’s, half expecting him to pull away. He doesn’t pull away, but he looks confused for a moment before realization seems to set in and his fingers slowly curl over Monty’s.


	23. Chapter 23

Clarke walks slowly to the cafeteria, Lexa at her side partially supporting her. The sky girl takes a seat at a table near the back and Lexa wanders to the front to get them something for breakfast. Octavia slips in and sits beside Clarke and the sky girl knows her friend is there because she wants something from her. “What is it,” she asks and she tries to smile, make it seem like it’s no big deal that she knows Octavia is there to ask her some favor.

“When we go back to Polis, I want Lincoln to be able to go with us. I was wondering if maybe you could talk to Lexa about lifting the kill order on him.” Octavia’s eyes are pleading as she makes the request. “I’d talk to her myself, but I think she’s more likely to listen to you. Especially since, more often than not, she and I don’t seem to be on the same page,” she adds.

The sky girl thinks about it for a minute and then nods. “Sure,” she says and her smile widens a little.

Octavia smiles back at Clarke and pushes herself up from the table when she notices Lexa heading back to the table. “Congratulations, by the way,” she says before she wanders out of the cafeteria, leaving Clarke to wonder if word of her and Lexa’s engagement has really managed to spread through the whole camp already.

Lexa takes Octavia’s place, setting a plate with a less than appetizing looking breakfast in front of Clarke along with a cup of crappy coffee. The sky girl reminds herself that it’s all they’ve got and she digs in, forcing the food and coffee down. “What was that all about,” the Commander asks, referring to Octavia, as she cautiously sips from her own cup of coffee and sets it aside, deciding she doesn’t like it. She shovels food into her mouth, choking it down and deciding that the sky people could use a lesson or two in proper cooking.

“She wants me to talk you into lifting the kill order on Lincoln so he can return to Polis with us,” Clarke tells her. “For once I agree with her.” She pushes her plate away when she’s done with it and looks at Lexa, hoping the Commander will agree that it’s time to grant Lincoln his freedom from the skaikru camp. “I know your people see him as a traitor for helping us, but things are different now. We aren’t the enemy anymore and we joined your coalition. So maybe it is time to lift the kill order.” She’s quiet for a moment while she thinks. “If it weren’t for him, more of my people might have died… maybe even me,” she adds.

The Commander looks at Clarke, giving the girl’s words some thought. She hates even thinking about losing Clarke. Back then, before they met, she wouldn’t have cared. But she knows Clarke is right, things are different now. Lexa nods in agreement. “He will ride back to Polis with us. When we return, I will announce that the kill order has been lifted. I can’t promise that all of my people will be accepting of this choice though,” she says and Clarke nods in understanding.

 

*~*~*

 

Kane sits across from Raven, looking at the small device held in a pair of tweezers under a bright light. “Explain it to me again,” he says to the mechanic and she lets out a deep sigh and prepares to explain, once again, how Jaha’s chips work.

“When the chip is ingested, the outer shell melts away, exposing the nanobot so that it can make its way to the back of the neck where it attaches to the brain stem and controls certain parts of the brain.”

“What about this whole City of Light thing,” the Chancellor asks, finally seeming to understand at least the most basic function of the chip.

Raven shrugs, because she hasn’t quite worked that out yet, though she has a theory. “I guess when those who’ve ingested the chip meditate or sleep the nanobot brings their subconscious to the City of Light through some sort of computer simulation or program. Same thing with Alie; they can see her because the nanobot contains her programming.” She sees confusion written all over Kane’s face and she lets out another deep sigh, desperate for a simpler way to explain it all to him. “Think about it this way,” she says. “The human brain is a lot like a computer and Jaha’s chips, or the nanobots in them, are sort of like a flash drive. When you plug the flash drive into a computer, it gives you access to whatever programs and files are saved on it.”

The confusion disappears and the Chancellor nods and Raven is relieved that it seems to make sense to him now. Her explanation doesn’t seem to put him at ease though and she doesn’t think she can blame him for that. “We have to keep the chips away from him so he can’t hand them out to anybody else,” he tells her and Raven nods in agreement. She knows what they do and what Alie’s capable of if those who take the chip don’t do what she asks and she doesn’t want to see anyone else suffer the way she did when they finally realize that the risk isn’t worth the reward. “What do we do about those who have already taken them,” Kane asks her.

“As far as I can tell we only have two options. We either have to convince everybody to have the nanobots removed or we have to find another way to access the program in the bots and destroy it from the inside out.”

Kane knows those who’ve already been chipped aren’t likely to voluntarily have the thing that’s taking their pain away and giving them a little peace cut out of their necks, and that leaves only one option. “So how do we go about destroying the program then,” he asks and Raven shrugs.

“I could try to create some sort of virus to corrupt the system, but I don’t know if I could create something powerful enough to take down Alie. And I’m sure there are safe guards in place to protect the program. I doubt they’ll be easy to break through,” she tells the Chancellor.

“But you can try,” Kane says and Raven reluctantly nods. She doesn’t want to make any promises to him that she isn’t sure she can keep. “I have faith in you,” he tells her when he sees the doubt in her eyes. He gives her a reassuring smile and pushes himself up out of his chair. “Keep me posted,” he says before he leaves.

Raven lets out a deep sigh once he’s gone. She’s glad he has faith in her because right now she doesn’t have much in herself. She sets the exposed nanobot on the table and takes a hammer to it, shattering it into even more tiny pieces and destroying it. Her eyes fall on the bag of chips that remain and she wonders how long it would take to destroy every last one of them. She pulls them out one at a time and smashes them until they’re nothing but useless broken pieces.

It occurs to her when there are only three chips left that she might need one or two in order to study them more or to regain access to the City of Light and release the virus she intends to create. She can’t help but wonder who’ll be stuck swallowing a chip to gain access to the City just to destroy it. She knows whoever it is will have to be strong enough to resist Alie’s pull and she wonders if she would be up to the task and if she might not have a choice.

 

*~*~*

 

“I want you to take it easy for a few days, but you should be fine to move around a bit and get back to your own bed,” Abby tells Bryan. She can tell that the boy is anxious to get up and get out and she can’t blame him. He nods as he slides off the bed and Miller steps up to help him though he doesn’t really need it. The doctor smiles at the two of them, happy that despite everything that has happened since they sent the 100 to the ground, most of them have still managed to find happiness and a reason to live. “Take good care of him,” she tells Nathan and the boy nods, silently promising that he’ll stay by his boyfriend’s side until Bryan is fully recovered. She watches as they leave the medical bay, hand in hand.

Clarke and Lexa return shortly after the two boys leave and Abby and the Commander help the sky girl back into bed. She knows Clarke is sick of being cooped up too and she wonders how much longer she’ll be able to keep her around the medical bay, only going out for short excursions, before she tries to make a break for it against her mother’s medical advice. She gets her answer when the sky girl speaks up. “Lexa and I need to get back to Polis. There are things she needs to take care of there. We’d like to leave tomorrow morning.”

Abby lets out a deep sigh and she bows her head, feeling defeated before she even gives arguing a chance. Part of her wants to suggest that the Commander return on her own to take care of whatever she needs to take care of. But she knows there isn’t a chance Lexa is going to leave Clarke’s side and it’s not even worth suggesting. “It depends on how you’re feeling,” she says. She puts a hand up when Clarke parts her lips to speak again. “And I want the truth,” she says.

“I feel fine. I was a little weak yesterday when I got up, but I’m feeling much better today,” the sky girl insists.

The doctor is skeptical for a moment but she can see in her daughter’s eyes that she’s being honest. Abby reluctantly admits to herself that her daughter does seem to be recovering quicker than expected and she can’t help but wonder if maybe Lexa’s black blood might have something to do with it. The scientist in her craves a chance to study the blood, find out what makes it different, maybe even special. For a moment she considers asking the Commander if she can draw a little more blood from her, just enough to run some tests, but she decides against it and focuses her attention back on her daughter. “If you’re still feeling up to it in the morning then we can discuss it,” she tells Clarke.

The sky girl nods. She knows it’s the best she’s going to get out of her mother for now and she accepts it. “We can wait a couple more days if we have to,” Lexa tells her when Abby returns to her desk and paperwork. “There’s no rush to return. What needs to be taken care of in Polis can wait. It’s more important that you get better and heal completely.”

Clarke smiles touched, though also a little taken aback that Lexa is actively putting her love for her the sky girl, her feelings, over her duties. “You’re sure,” she asks and Lexa nods.

“My only concern right now is you,” the Commander assures her sky girl with a smile as she slips her fingers between Clarke’s. “Rest now,” she says and they share a brief kiss.  

 

*~*~*

 

Raven lies on the bed in Abby’s room, waiting patiently for the doctor to wander in. She’s starting to drift off when she hears the door finally open and she looks up at Abby, a smile on her lips that slowly fades when she sees the mixture of concern and fatigue in the doctor’s eyes. “What’s wrong,” she asks as the woman sits beside her on the bed.

“Clarke wants to leave with Lexa for Polis in the morning. She says she’s feeling better, but I don’t know.” Deep down, she isn’t worried about Clarke’s safety. She knows her daughter is healing just fine, better than fine really. She just isn’t ready to watch her daughter walk back out the gates again without knowing when or if she’ll return again. Some small part of her misses the way things were on the Ark. It wasn’t always easy up there, but at least she always knew where Clarke was and that she was safe and not running off into the middle of who knows what potential danger.

She feels Raven’s hand on her shoulder and it offers her all the comfort she needs. “She’ll be fine and she’ll be back, maybe sooner than later.”

The words offer Abby a little hope and the concern and fatigued are replaced with a grateful smile as she leans in to kiss the mechanic. As much as she misses the perceived safety of the Ark in space and the comparative simplicity, she wouldn’t give this up for the world. For the first time since losing Jake, since watching him be floated, she knows she has a real chance at true happiness.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to get this update posted. Been super busy the last few weeks and ran into a bit of a block with the story but I'm getting past it and finding more time to work on it again. It might take a little extra time between updates I promise I plan to see this story through to the end and will not abandon it.
> 
> If anyone is interested, I gained a little bit of inspiration while writing the second and third sections of this chapter listening to Eavesdrop by The Civil Wars.

Clarke’s wide awake and ready to go the next morning. Abby and Lexa both stare at her apprehensively, watching as she tries to hide the painful cringe that comes with every move she makes. “I’m fine,” the sky girl insists. “It’s just a little pain. Nothing I can’t handle.”

Abby shakes her head. “I think it would be best if you waited at least one more day. Riding horseback for a long period of time is going to make it worse and you could use some more rest.” She looks up at the Commander, hoping for a little support which Lexa gladly offers.

“You’re mother is right, Clarke. We can leave tomorrow. One more day of rest can only serve to help you.”

The sky girl shakes her head. She can’t handle being cooped up in the medical bay anymore. She’s ready to be out and on her feet for more than just a short trip to the cafeteria and back. “Please,” she begs them both, not ready to give up on escaping her temporary prison sooner rather than later. She starts to push the blankets covering her away and swings her feet off the edge of the bed, determined to get up and out. “I’ll need a change of clothes,” she requests turning to her mother after her feet hit the floor. Abby reluctantly nods knowing it isn’t worth arguing with her daughter anymore. “And maybe a bath,” Clarke confesses.

Lexa smirks and holds back a quiet laugh as she nods. “You definitely need a bath,” the Commander confirms and Clarke sticks her tongue out at her.

Abby shakes her head and holds back a laugh of her own and then leaves them to find Clarke a clean set of clothes. She returns a few minutes later with a fresh set of undergarments, jeans, and a t-shirt. She hesitantly hands them off to her daughter; still not sure Clarke is ready for the ride back to Polis.

The sky girl wanders into the small office connected to the medical bay and quickly changes her clothes. She winces as she strips down and pulls the clean clothes on, pain still tearing through her abdomen every time she moves, though it’s not as bad as it was. She steps out of the office and gives her mother a reassuring smile when she sees concern written on the doctor’s face.

“Promise me you’ll be careful,” Abby requests.

“I’ll be fine, mom,” Clarke insists and hands her pile of blood and dirt caked clothing off to the doctor. She gives her a hug and Abby presses her lips against the sky girl’s forehead before her daughter starts for the door, Lexa at her side.

“Clarke,” Abby calls after her and the sky girl stops and turns to face her mother again. “I love you,” the doctor tells her.

“I love you too,” Clarke says and gives her mother another reassuring smile.

“Take good care of her,” the doctor says looking at the Commander and Lexa nods, silently promising she won’t let anything happen to her beautiful sky girl.

The two girls disappear into the hall and Abby’s left alone in the medical bay, once again wondering when or if she’ll get to see her daughter again. She lets out a deep sigh and Raven’s words to her the night before replay in her head offering her the same speck of hope they did the first time she heard them. She knows that her daughter will be fine, that Lexa will take good care of her and she knows she’ll see her daughter again, she just doesn’t know when.

 

*~*~*

 

“Are we leaving,” Octavia asks when she catches Lexa and Clarke headed for the gate. They both nod in response. “What…,” she hesitates for a moment before she finishes her question, “what about Lincoln?”

“He’ll ride with us,” Lexa says and despite their strained relationship, the Commander is pleased with the light that seems to shine in Octavia’s eyes. “I’ve decided to lift the kill order,” she adds.

“Thank you,” Octavia says with sincerity to both Clarke and Lexa. Her eyes linger on the sky girl. She knows it’s likely she’d be leaving her grounder boyfriend behind once again if not for Clarke. She smiles at the sky girl before she runs off to get Lincoln.

Clarke and Lexa continue toward the gate, watching as the camp guards slowly open it to let them out. Raven calls out to Clarke before they can slip out. “You weren’t planning on leaving without saying goodbye again were you?”

Guilt falls over Clarke’s face. “I’m sorry,” she says and Raven shakes her head and waves it off.

The mechanic holds her arms out and Clarke hugs her tight. “Don’t stay away too long,” Raven tells her. “Your mother worries about you when you’re not here.”

Clarke nods because she knows and some small part of her wishes she could stay but there’s still work to be done in Polis. “Don’t let her worry too much,” the sky girl says as she pulls away from the mechanic. “Keep her smiling for me.”

“I will,” Raven says and a smirk forms on her lips. Clarke laughs quietly and shakes her head as she turns back to the gate and follows Lexa to the horses tied up and waiting for them. Lexa climbs onto her horse first and then pulls Clarke up with her. They wait for Octavia and Lincoln, the two of them emerging only a minute or two later and they share Octavia’s horse.

The four of them give the camp one last long glance, catching Kane as he comes to a stop beside Raven, Abby following close behind him. They wave to the three of them before they ride off.

Raven turns to Abby and she can see the tears forming in her eyes that the doctor fights to hold back. She takes Abby’s hand into her own and gives her a comforting smile. “She’ll be okay,” the mechanic tells the doctor. “She’s in good hands.” Abby only nods. She knows Raven is right but she still hates to watch her daughter leave again.

 

Clarke, Lexa, Octavia, and Lincoln head toward the stream and ride along the edge of the water for a couple hours before Lexa brings her horse to a stop. Octavia and Lincoln come to a stop a little further ahead and turn back as Lexa dismounts and helps Clarke down. “You and Lincoln see if you can find us something to eat,” Lexa tells Octavia and the girl nods and dismounts with Lincoln, leaving the horse behind while the two wander off to hunt for food.

The sky girl heads for the water without a second thought, stripping off her t-shirt and jeans and tossing them aside along the way. Lexa watches, mesmerized by the sight of the girl as Clarke splashes cool water onto her face and over her arms, washing away dirt and blood. She can feel Lexa’s eyes on her and she stops after a few minutes to stare back at the Commander. “Join me,” Clarke calls to her and Lexa only hesitates for a second before she tears her armor away, letting it all fall to the ground, and making her way into the water toward Clarke.

Goosebumps rise on her arms from a combination of the cool water against her bare skin and the adrenaline coursing through her veins feeding her needs and desires and her fading fears. Clarke pulls her in when Lexa’s close enough for her to reach and she kisses the Commander softly, bodies growing warm against each other despite the cool temperature of the water around them. For a moment, everything else around them seems to fade away, all their remaining fears and reservations, all their cares; it all slips away.

Lincoln and Octavia return a few minutes later. The grounder sees the two girls, wrapped up in one another in the water and he smiles and then turns his attention to the dead rabbits he carries, one in each hand, giving them back the privacy he and Octavia stole away from them. Octavia groans as she watches Clarke and Lexa for a few seconds, eventually rolling her eyes and spinning on her heels to help Lincoln start a fire and cook what little meat they have. She’s anxious to eat and get moving again, eager to get back to Polis and find out how Indra is.  “We got food,” she calls to them over her shoulder after a few minutes, grabbing their attention and stopping their impassioned kiss and embrace from going any further.

The two of them make their way out of the water and pull their clothes back on. Clarke helps Lexa with her armor and they wander toward the fire, sitting down and accepting the pieces of slightly over cooked rabbit meat that Lincoln graciously hands them. The four of them eat quickly and Octavia is up and back on her horse, Lincoln hot on her heels, leaving Clarke and Lexa to put out the small fire and play catch up.

By the time they manage to catch up Clarke is clutching her abdomen from the pain caused by the bouncing from riding too quickly. She tries to hold back a quiet whimper and fails, alerting Lexa to her pain. “We have to stop,” the Commander calls to Lincoln and Octavia.

Lincoln has to take control and bring Octavia’s horse to a slow trot when Octavia continues on, Lexa’s order falling on deaf ears. “What is it,” Lincoln asks when the two horses are finally beside each other.

“It’s nothing,” Clarke insists. “We can keep going. I’ll be fine as long as we take it slow.”

Both Lexa and Lincoln look at the sky girl with concern. They can see by the grimace on her face and the way she clutches at her abdomen that she’s in more pain then she’s willing to admit and that she isn’t as fine as she says she is. “We’ll ride for a while longer. When we’re halfway there we’ll stop and make camp for the night. We can ride the rest of the way tomorrow,” Lexa says hoping Clarke will agree to her compromise. She knows she won’t manage to convince the sky girl that they should stop now.

Clarke reluctantly nods in agreement and leans back against Lexa, resting her head against the Commander’s chest and fighting exhaustion that has already began to set in. She hears Octavia groan again, displeased with the idea of stopping again before reaching Polis. She does her best to ignore the girl’s attitude, telling herself it’s only because she’s concerned about the well being of a friend, somebody she deeply cares for. She knows she’d feel the same irritation if she were in Octavia’s position. The sky girl lets out a deep sigh and lets her eyes fall closed, lulled to sleep, despite the pain, by the sound of Lexa’s heart beating in her ear. 

 

*~*~*

 

Abby paces back and forth in the medical bay. She can’t shake the feeling in the pit of her stomach that something isn’t right. Some part of her is tempted to go after her daughter but she knows there’s no sense in that. Raven distracts the doctor from her thoughts when she wanders into the medical bay. The mechanic hops up onto the edge of one of the beds and Abby stands in front of her, looking at the younger woman’s leg. “How’s the pain,” she asks.

Raven shrugs, “about the same.” She’s grown use to the same old questions about her leg and the pain she still feels; the pain she knows she’ll likely always feel. Her answer is always the same and she thinks the questions are getting old and unnecessary, but she won’t stop Abby from doing her job. If asking the same old questions that they both already know the answers to will help keep the doctor occupied rather than pacing and worrying, then Raven’s willing to let the doctor ask the questions and she’s willing to repeat the same old answers.

“I can give you something for it,” Abby offers.

Raven shakes her head. “It’s not that bad,” she says. She’d rather the doctor save the limited supply of pain meds they have for somebody else who might really need them. Weeks ago she might have accepted them, but now she’s growing use to the constant ache. It’s become a part of her and thinking about the absence of the pain only reminds her of what happened the last time she accepted an offer to have it taken away. “You look like you could use a nap.”

The doctor lets out a deep sigh, her mind wandering back to her daughter. She nods, admitting to Raven and to herself that she really probably could use a little sleep.”What about you,” she asks the mechanic. “I hear Kane has to you hard at work trying to figure out a way to put a stop to whatever’s going on with those chips Jaha was handing out.”

“I have to create a virus and find a way to release it into the City of Light to destroy it and Alie.” Abby looks at her with confusion and Raven laughs quietly and shakes her head. “It’s complicated.”

“Sounds like it,” Abby says. She sighs again and turns away from Raven. The worry that had slipped away begins to slip back in, even with the mechanic there attempting to distract her.

Raven hops off the bed and grabs a hold of Abby, forcing her to face the mechanic again. “Hey,” she says voice soft and the sound offering Abby a little comfort. “Talk to me.”

The doctor shakes her head. “I’m just worried about her,” she says after a few seconds.

“I know,” Raven says and pulls Abby into a tight embrace. She pulls away eventually and places her hand under Abby’s chin, staring into the doctor’s eyes for a moment before kissing her softly.

 

*~*~*

 

It’s late in the afternoon when Clarke finally gives in and gives Lexa the okay to stop for the night. The Commander dismounts and helps Clarke off the horse before she ties the animal to a tree. She once again sends Octavia and Lincoln off to find food and this time Lexa immediately goes to work starting a fire.

Clarke rests against a nearby tree, in more pain than she’s willing to admit, more pain than she should be in. Her stomach and shirt are warm and wet and she’s too afraid to look down, because she knows when she does she’ll see the blood she knows must be soaking through the dark cloth. The sky girl takes a deep breath and slowly lifts the bottom of the shirt up so she can look at the wound. The cloth pulls at the stitches still in place, causing more pain, and Clarke hisses as she forces them apart.

Lexa hears the hiss and immediately turns to find out what’s wrong. Her eyes grow wide and she fights back against the panic that quickly rises when she sees Clarke’s bleeding wound. She forgets about the fire and falls to her knees at the sky girl’s side. “We should have stopped sooner or waited another day or two before leaving,” she says and silently curses herself for not putting up more of a fight and insisting they wait, though she knows it would have been a battle she’d have lost. “We have to go back,” the Commander says as Octavia and Lincoln return, this time with three rabbits instead of two.

The grounder drops the two rabbits he carries beside the pile of sticks meant for the fire and hurries to Clarke’s side, Octavia close behind. “What the hell happened,” Octavia asks.

“I’m fine,” Clarke insists. “A few of the stitches popped, that’s all. I just need to clean it up and bandage it with… something.” She takes a few deep breaths, fighting back her own panic and realizing that it looks worse than it is. “And we aren’t going back now. We’re more than halfway there. It would take more time to get back to the camp. I’ll clean and dress it and when we get back to Polis one of your healers can look at it.”

Lexa takes Clarke’s words into careful consideration before she finally nods. “Get some water,” she tells Lincoln and the grounder nods and heads for the river. “What do you need to bandage it,” the Commander asks turning her attention back to the sky girl.

Clarke looks around her, desperate for something to dress the wound. She could tear away a piece of her jeans or her shirt but there’s nothing long enough to tie around her abdomen. She thinks for a moment before a thought occurs to her. “I’ll need some tree sap or anything sticky,” she says and begins attempting to tear her shirt.

Lexa stops her after watching her struggle with the shirt for a few seconds. She pulls out her dagger and cuts away one of her sleeves and hands it to her. “Will this work,” she asks. Clarke accepts the cloth with a nod.

Octavia continues to stare at the bleeding wound for a few more seconds before she says anything. “I’ll find some sap,” she says and turns away. Guilt slowly starts to set in as she wanders a short distance away. She knows it’s partially her fault. She’s the one who took off ahead of Clarke and Lexa, forcing them to pick up the pace to catch up. Had Clarke not insisted on continuing on despite her pain, she would have pushed for them to keep going. Until now, she was irritated over the idea of them stopping at all before reaching Polis. It occurs to her that she’s been a bit selfish and now her friend is paying the price for it and she feels bad about it.

The girl doesn’t have to wander far before she manages to find some sap. She tears away some of her own clothes and collects as much of the sticky substance as she can and makes her way back to Clarke and Lexa. She returns at the same time Lincoln does. The grounder carries his soaking wet shirt in his hand. “Didn’t have anything else to hold the water,” he explains and he kneels beside Clarke again and rings some of the water out over the sky girl’s wound, washing away most of the blood. He gently scrubs around the wound where blood has begun to dry.

Octavia hands over the cloth loaded with sap and Lincoln helps Clarke dress her wound, applying some of the sap to the surrounding skin. He cuts a smaller piece from Lexa’s sleeve and places it over the wound, the cloth held in place by the tree sap. It isn’t ideal but it’s the best they can do for the time being.

The sky girl pulls her shirt back down and Lexa helps her move closer to the fire that Octavia gets started. They cook the rabbit meat and eat in silence before making themselves as comfortable as they can on the cold hard ground as the sun begins to set. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke from behind, holding her tight as the Commander slowly drifts off to sleep.

Lincoln’s soft snores soon fill Clarke’s ears from the other side of the fire. She closes her eyes, desperate for sleep but unable to find it. “Clarke,” she hears Octavia call to her quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry,” the girl says. “I’ve been selfish. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard earlier and I should have backed Lexa up when she said we should have stopped the first time.” Octavia falls quiet, resting her head on Lincoln’s chest in hopes of finding sleep.

Clarke is quiet for several minutes, thinking about Octavia’s words, her apology. “It’s fine,” she says eventually and she isn’t sure whether Octavia hears her or not or if the girl is even still awake. “I forgive you,” she says anyway. She closes her eyes and sleep soon finally comes.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long to update. Things got busy and unfortunately I had a few encounters with a few toxic people in the fandom and as a result I just kind of lost interest and decided I needed to step away for a while. But I'm back to working on this again and I can't guarantee that I'll update super frequently, but I do still intend to finish this fic up... hopefully soon. Thanks so much to those of you who stuck around and have been waiting patiently.

Lexa’s the first one awake when the sun starts to come up. She gently shakes Clarke awake and the sky girl sits up slowly with the Commander’s help. She lifts her shirt slightly and is pleased to find the piece of Lexa’s sleeve still held in place over her wound. There’s no blood, at least not enough to bleed through and she’s relieved. “How do you feel,” the Commander asks.

“A little sore,” Clarke admits. “But I’ll be fine,” she assures Lexa and the Commander stares into her blue eyes for a moment, looking for any sign that Clarke is in more pain than she’s letting on again, then she nods and smiles softly.

Octavia and Lincoln stir across from them and Lincoln stands and stretches while Octavia sits up and rubs the sleep from her eyes. “I’ll find us some breakfast,” the grounder offers and wanders off. For a moment Octavia considers following him but instead she works on starting their fire again. She tries a few times to make eye contact with Clarke, but she can’t. She heard Clarke say that she forgave Octavia as they both drifted off to sleep the night before, but she knows she’s at least partly responsible for the sky girl’s stitches tearing and she still feels bad.

Lincoln returns a few minutes later with a few fish and some berries. The four of them cook and eat in silence and then mount up, Lincoln and Lexa helping Clarke up onto the Commander’s horse, and they ride on. They take is slow and this time there are no complaints from Octavia. By the time they reach Polis the sun is high above them. The gates open for them and Lexa hops down from her horse before helping Clarke down. She can tell by the grimace on Clarke’s face as her feet hit the ground that the sky girl is in pain again and it worries her. She calls for one of the healers and pushes past the other grounders gathered around to celebrate her return.

By the time they reach the tower and climb the stairs to Lexa’s room, beads of sweat have formed on Clarke’s forehead. The Commander helps her to the bed and the sky girl lies down and lets the healer examine her, pulling her shirt away from the wound on her abdomen. The healer carefully pulls away the improvised dressing and looks over the wound, noting the torn stitches, the redness and swelling around the wound. She shakes her head. “It’s infected,” she says. Clarke tries to push herself up on her elbows so she can look at the wound but the healer pushes her back. “You need to rest,” she tells the sky girl.

There’s fear in Lexa’s eyes. She stands beside the bed and runs a hand over the top of Clarke’s head. She can see the fear in the sky girl’s eyes as well, though she tries to hide it. “You have to do something,” she tells the healer.

“It was caught early. I will do what I can.” The healer gives the Commander a reassuring smile. “She will be fine,” she says and heads for the door, leaving to get a few supplies.

Clarke and Lexa stare at each other in silence for a minute or two before Clarke looks away. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, knowing this will likely postpone Lexa officially relinquishing her role as Commander even longer.

“Stop apologizing,” Lexa says her voice soft. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” She brushes her thumb over the sky girl’s cheek and leans in to kiss her. They’re quiet again until Lexa speaks up. “I’ll send a messenger to let your mother know what’s going on.”

Clarke shakes her head. “No. It’ll only worry her,” she says. The last thing she wants is her mother racing to Polis over a simple infection that she’s certain the grounder healer is more than capable to taking care of. Lexa considers it for a second, pursing her lips, before she nods.

The healer returns a few minutes later. She puts some sort of paste on the wound and dresses it properly. With Lexa’s help, Clarke sits up a little and drinks some concoction that the healer put together with the promise it would help to kill the infection and keep it from spreading. It’s the worst thing that Clarke has ever tasted, but if it will help her get better than she’s willing to choke it down. The sky girl drifts off to sleep before long and the healer pulls Lexa aside. “She will be fine,” she assures the Commander again. “But you must let her rest. I will return later with more medicine and to redress the wound.” She gives the Commander another reassuring smile before she leaves again.

 

*~*~*

 

Octavia takes off for Indra’s tent, Lincoln close on her heels, anxious to see the woman and make sure she’s recovering without any complications. She’s relieved when she gets to the tent and find’s the grounder alive and well, just as Lincoln promised she would be. A healer finishes dressing what’s left of the healing wound on her side and Octavia fights to resist her urge to run to the warrior and throw her arms around her.

She gives up her fight when the healer finally leaves the tent and Indra lets Octavia hug her for no more than a few seconds before pushing her away. “I was worried about you,” the girl confesses.

“There was no need for you to worry,” Indra tells her. “Our healers our good at what they do. They took good care of me. Your concern should have been with your own people.”

Octavia casts her gaze as the ground, knowing Indra is right and feeling ashamed. Her eagerness to return to Polis and see Indra, make sure the warrior was okay even when she knew Indra was in good hands had been selfish and now Clarke was suffering for it. She thought about the night before, Clarke’s bloody shirt and torn stitches. She knows Clarke was just as eager to return to Polis, but she should have encouraged her to take a few more days to rest and heal. She should have helped to try and convince Clarke that it was a good idea to stop and make camp sooner rather than pushing to continue on and she should have been more understanding when they did finally stop. Shame overwhelms her because she knows Indra would be disappointed if she knew how Octavia had acted. The warrior has already expressed disappointment in her before and she could barely stand it. She isn’t sure she could bare it again. “I’m sorry,” she whispers and looks back up at Indra.

For a brief moment the warrior’s eyes soften and she nods, silently forgiving Octavia for her selfishness and her misplaced concern. Then her eyes turn stern again, quietly warning the girl to do better next time. “I need rest,” Indra says.

 Octavia’s eyes linger on the warrior for a few more seconds before she nods and turns to follow Lincoln out of the tent. “I messed up, Lincoln,” she says to the grounder, her gaze once again cast toward the ground. She can’t stop thinking about Clarke, can’t help but to feel like it’s all her fault that whatever pain the sky girl is in is because of her. “I should go see her,” she says.

Lincoln shakes his head. “She’s with Lexa and, like Indra already said, our healers are good at what they do. The Commander and the healers will take good care of her. And remember that Clarke was just as eager to return to Polis, and that she can be just as stubborn as you. Besides,” Lincoln said and placed a finger under Octavia’s chin, lifting the girl’s gaze to meet his own. “You already apologized.”

Octavia looked at her boyfriend with questioning eyes. “How did you know? I… I thought you and Lexa were asleep.”

The grounder smiles and wraps an arm around Octavia’s waist. “I’m good at faking it,” he tells her as he leads her away from Indra’s tent and toward a vender selling some sort of meat.

She’s not in the least bit surprised that Lincoln was only pretending to be asleep and ended up overhearing her apology to Clarke. She laughs quietly and shakes her head as they walk. “Still,” she says after Lincoln pays for a pair of some poor animals that have been cooked and skewered and hands one off to her. “I feel like it isn’t enough. Clarke has been through a lot and we all owe her. Most of us haven’t exactly made it easy for her. She’s had a lot on her shoulders since we landed here and Skikru has done nothing but pile burden after burden on her shoulders since day one. To make things worse, we haven’t exactly done a great job of showing her the gratitude she deserves for putting up with all of our problems. The blame for every mistake that’s been made, even if it wasn’t her fault, has been laid on her.” She takes a bite of the skewered animal and chews slowly, swallowing before she goes on.

“I’m especially guilty of blaming her for every little thing I can. And it’s not fair to her. I owe her more than just an apology.”

Lincoln quietly nods as they come to a stop and sit beside each other on a log away from the vendors and busy grounders wandering through the city. “You should give her some time to rest first; let her heal a bit. Then we’ll go see her.

Octavia finishes of the last few bites of her meat and then tosses the stick aside and nods in agreement. At least waiting will give her some time to think about how she’ll make it up to Clarke, how she’ll make up for any pain she’s responsible for causing the sky girl. Even if Clarke is willing to accept yet another simple “I’m sorry,” deep down Octavia knows it isn’t enough.


End file.
